Mediation

[Mom4]

My ex-husband does not believe our JPA applies to him when it comes to following the visitation guidelines. We have joint custody and I am the custodial parent. He can visit the kids (4 of them, but rarely sees the oldest) on Tuesday with every other weekend as overnights. He has been increasingly cancelling his time which concerns me. I schedule myself to work (nurse) during my weekends they are not with me. So I have not been able to fufill my shifts lately. I made an appointment with a mediator we have used in the past, but he states this is not acceptable. He would like to find one himself. We have established a relationship with this woman and don't even know about the one that was assigned in our decree. I don't even know why one was assigned to begin with. My question is..... what if he continues to rebuff mediation? Wouldn't it make sense to see the same one? Should I just contact my attorney and be done with it? We have visitation and financial issues to iron out. Our decree states we must try mediation first. Do we have to? Why is it that I would be in contempt if I did not allow him to see the kids, but he can cancel anytime?

 

[WhirledPeas]

Does he give you notice if he's cancelling? If so, how much? Why is he cancelling? You might want to try writing in an agreement to your parenting plan that he'll give certain notice and owe certain extra babysitting costs and lost wages if he cancels.

I'd go with whatever mediator he suggested, but that's just me. So long as the person is neutral, it's a small war to let him choose and may be worth letting him "win".

If you're per diem, I'd not schedule work unless you have someone who can step in at a moments notice to care for your kids, until this gets sorted out.

Were it me, I'd send him a certified letter saying you're happy to wait X number of days prior to resorting to letting your attorney know mediation wasn't going to happen and could he please make an appointment (and provide some appointment times that would work) by X day. You'd have the letter to show the judge you tried mediation, as ordered, if he didn't respond.

You'd be in contempt for not letting him see the kids on his scheduled time because you have them all the other times. Ironically, as the parent with physical custody, you can't not take care of them (or provide care for them) when he doesn't show up.

Also, thank you for being a nurse.

 

[Mom4]

Thanks so much for your reponse! I think you are right about the mediator...it really doesn't matter as long as this gets sorted out! I am ok financially for now with child support and help from my father, but eventually I need to take some shifts on the weekend, so I need to know he will follow through with visitation. I would never keep him from visitation because I believe it is so important for them to have this relationship, that's why I am fighting hard for him to see them! It's not fair to anyone when he doesn't!
Thanks for your support of nurses!