Married 21 yrs, 4 kids, heading for divorce

[Mykidsmomto4]

My husband has talked about wanting out of the marriage, but wants 2 of the four kids. One is an adult so not relevant for custody. The one child he, "didn't want" is the one with autism He said I should take custody of that child because I know his needs so well. My husband's moods fluctuate and when he's happy divorce talk goes away. But, I see the writing on the wall and I'm trying to learn about what it would mean to be divorced.

I have been a stay at home mom since our marriage and we have moved about 15 times. We do own a home we currently live in, but with a divorce and the cost of living here it would likely impossible to keep this home ( I wouldn't want to stay in it). Neither of us are from the area or have family here. My husband has had active job applications across the country but his current job is in VA. He is a reservist but back from AFG. 6 months now. (no, no chance of TBI as he wasn't on the front lines)

Would I likely get custody (ages 6, 9 and 13)? What about alimony? How should I be preparing for such a life changing event? Appreciate all advice.

 

[army judge]

My husband has talked about wanting out of the marriage, but wants 2 of the four kids. One is an adult so not relevant for custody. The one child he, "didn't want" is the one with autism He said I should take custody of that child because I know his needs so well. My husband's moods fluctuate and when he's happy divorce talk goes away. But, I see the writing on the wall and I'm trying to learn about what it would mean to be divorced.

I have been a stay at home mom since our marriage and we have moved about 15 times. We do own a home we currently live in, but with a divorce and the cost of living here it would likely impossible to keep this home ( I wouldn't want to stay in it). Neither of us are from the area or have family here. My husband has had active job applications across the country but his current job is in VA. He is a reservist but back from AFG. 6 months now. (no, no chance of TBI as he wasn't on the front lines)

Would I likely get custody (ages 6, 9 and 13)? What about alimony? How should I be preparing for such a life changing event? Appreciate all advice.

First of all, whatever you learn about divorce, keep it to yourself.
The worse thing you can do is disclose your knowledge.
There is a time for that, in the court room.
In the meantime, educating yourself is your best strategy.



If he has enough time in the military (yes, even the reserves or guard), and/or he's a federal employee (civil service); you're automatically entitled to 50% of his retirement benefits. Yes, BOTH pensions.

More than likely, you would have no trouble getting primary custody.
Why?
You've dedicated your life to being the caregiver, nurturer, as a stay at mom.
That is valuable work, and it has a financial tag assigned to it.
Like most jobs, its still underpaid, but the value is noted by the law.

This website discusses Child Support in general in VA:

http://www.dss.virginia.gov/family/dcse/index.cgi

This website has a child support calculator. It allows you to guesstimate how much support would be paid to the primary parent:

http://www.alllaw.com/calculators/childsupport/virginia

One more task:
Over the next 10-14 days make appointments with 5 or 6 divorce lawyers in your county.
Don't mention the visits. The initial visit won't cost you a dime. They can be used to ask 10 or 12 questions about divorce, the costs, and how the lawyer can be paid. I'll let the VA licensed lawyers tell you those things. That way, you'll know EXACTLY how it works in your county.

Once you have your information, you think about it, then you decide.

As you go through this, don't discuss it with any of your friends. People blab, and they gossip.
Keep your findings securely locked away from ALL prying eyes.
Until you act, you treat this as TOP SECRET.

I wish you well.