Manipulated into raising someones child alone

Jroop78

New Member
Jurisdiction
Virginia
Hello,

I don't know if there is a case or not. Here is my situation:

Back in 1998 i had a gf before i went into the army. With no response to any letters for a month in basic training i recieved a letter and sonogram saying i was to be a father. I proceeded to marry her as soon as possible to get insurance and be a part of the childs life. I didnt want to ne a dead beat father. This woman made my life in the army hell resulting in me endinding my career and becoming a family man near her family. She got into pills and i left her for her emotional abuse and her pill addiction. I fought 2 years to get custody while volunteering to pay child support because again i felt it was an obligated responsibility. I then recieved primary guardianship. O did not recieve child support for 18 years. This week i find out through a dna test i was never this childs biological father. After 18 years of sacrifice trying to do the right thing on my own. I would have never married this woman, had to ruin my credit for years or any of that if i known. Is there any actions that can be held against the mother. She denied the daughter a choice to ever know her biological father, the biological father never had a choice of knowing he had a daughter, i felt an obligated responsibility that was never truly mine of raising this child alone.

Thank you
 
That's unfortunate but it's all water under the bridge and there's nothing you can do about it.

What you CAN and MUST do is understand that this girl is your daughter and you are her Dad no matter what the DNA test says.

Treasure that relationship and don't screw it up.
 
Hello,

I don't know if there is a case or not. Here is my situation:

Back in 1998 i had a gf before i went into the army. With no response to any letters for a month in basic training i recieved a letter and sonogram saying i was to be a father. I proceeded to marry her as soon as possible to get insurance and be a part of the childs life. I didnt want to ne a dead beat father. This woman made my life in the army hell resulting in me endinding my career and becoming a family man near her family. She got into pills and i left her for her emotional abuse and her pill addiction. I fought 2 years to get custody while volunteering to pay child support because again i felt it was an obligated responsibility. I then recieved primary guardianship. O did not recieve child support for 18 years. This week i find out through a dna test i was never this childs biological father. After 18 years of sacrifice trying to do the right thing on my own. I would have never married this woman, had to ruin my credit for years or any of that if i known. Is there any actions that can be held against the mother. She denied the daughter a choice to ever know her biological father, the biological father never had a choice of knowing he had a daughter, i felt an obligated responsibility that was never truly mine of raising this child alone.

Thank you


You accepted her allegations without insisting upon a DNA test decades ago.

Even if there was a legal remedy, what do you think a drug addict would have in the way of assets for you to attach?

Tough call, mate.

You might consider personal counseling.

Otherwise, too late to do much now but make a child you've loved and supported very unhappy.

She has a deadbeat mammy, at least she has a stand up father, YOU buddy.
 
18 years ago you had a choice. Now, the child is legally yours, whether you share DNA or not. You married this woman by choice as well. You didn't have to do that, but elected to do so. I can't imagine why you would do a DNA test now, but the results are meaningless.
 
With no response to any letters for a month in basic training i recieved a letter and sonogram saying i was to be a father. I proceeded to marry her as soon as possible to get insurance and be a part of the childs life.

So...you blindly accepted your girlfriend's representation that you were the father without making any effort to verify it. Correct?

Is there any actions that can be held against the mother.

If you're asking if you have a basis to sue this woman, the answer is no.

She denied the daughter a choice to ever know her biological father

As did you.

Here's the thing: Not even in your post do you claim that the mother knew you weren't the father. Obviously, since you're not the biological father, the mother must have had sex with at least one man other than you around the time of conception. Since you blindly accepted that you were the father, you must also have had sex with her around the time of conception. Right? Keep in mind that a "no" answer to this question will not reflect well on you.

That means the only "wrong" thing the mother did was that she didn't tell you that she had sex with other men. You could have waited to marry this woman until after the child was born and you had done a paternity test. But you chose not to do that. At any time since the child was born, you could have done a paternity test. But you chose not to do that. I'm not sure what motivated you now to do a DNA test, but it is what it is. You can be upset that the mother didn't tell you she was sleeping around on you, but it's water under the bridge now. You were the child's father for her entire childhood, and I'd be that she doesn't want that to change. Whether her actual biological father can be identified after all this time is anyone's guess, but that's up to her.
 
Hello,

I don't know if there is a case or not. Here is my situation:

Back in 1998 i had a gf before i went into the army. With no response to any letters for a month in basic training i recieved a letter and sonogram saying i was to be a father. I proceeded to marry her as soon as possible to get insurance and be a part of the childs life. I didnt want to ne a dead beat father. This woman made my life in the army hell resulting in me endinding my career and becoming a family man near her family. She got into pills and i left her for her emotional abuse and her pill addiction. I fought 2 years to get custody while volunteering to pay child support because again i felt it was an obligated responsibility. I then recieved primary guardianship. O did not recieve child support for 18 years. This week i find out through a dna test i was never this childs biological father. After 18 years of sacrifice trying to do the right thing on my own. I would have never married this woman, had to ruin my credit for years or any of that if i known. Is there any actions that can be held against the mother. She denied the daughter a choice to ever know her biological father, the biological father never had a choice of knowing he had a daughter, i felt an obligated responsibility that was never truly mine of raising this child alone.

Thank you

Nope. Nothing you can do. That's life. Sometimes it sucks and kids suffer.

However regardless of DNA YOU are that child's father. YOU raised that child. YOU are all she knows. So you better not go around saying to her "I'm not your dad" because you are her dad. If she wants to try to get info out of her deadbeat mother about who the sperm donor might be that's on her.

My mom cheated on my dad when they were married and for about 12 years of it. My youngest brother is the result of the affair BUT we did not know for sure until he was 12 when my mom left. DNA test was done. Does my dad not consider my brother his son? NO. That POS my mom had an affair with and left for is a sperm donor. My dad raised him until he was 12 and my brother is the decent man he is today because of my father. He said he had a feeling he wasn't his but he wasn't going to punish an innocent baby. I wish my mom had just stayed away from the guy once she got pregnant so my brother never had to know about him but no one can change the past. Just like you can't change the past.

I have a deadbeat ex husband and I wish he could suffer for the things he's done but what's it really going to do? Nothing. You have a child and you're lucky to have her.
 
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