legal father in and out

[motheringa]

My three year old daughters legal father was not present for the first year of her life. He began seeing her at a year old and was pretty consistent until three months ago. He decided that he wanted to sign over his rights and allow my husband to adopt her so he could quit paying child support. This was fine with me seeing as how my husband is the one who is really there for her anyways. He called me today after not seeing her or contacting her at all for a little over three months and decided that he doesn't want to sign over his rights and wants to start getting her again. Is there anything I can do to terminate his rights. She hates going with him and this is very mentally and emotionally damaging to her for him to continue coming in and out of her life as he pleases.

 

[Duranie]

She is only 3, she is far too young to decide she doesn't want to see him or to voice any opinion. All 3 yr olds probably would rather be with the main parent more but dad still has rights. If he doesn't consent to your husband adopting then you must comply with the visitation order. All you can do is encourage a relationship. 3 months is actually not that long to go without contact, no court will take away his rights just because of that.

 

[motheringa]

when can I stop this?

How many times can he change his mind about wanting to be a part of her life? It is literally traumatic when she goes with him. He and his wife have both stated that she wants nothing to do with them, won't talk to them, won't hug them, plays by herself when she is there and when she comes home it takes about three days to get her back to her normal self. Now that she hasn't seen him for three months this will be worse. How many times is he allowed to put her through this before I can do something about it? I have always been for them having a relationship but I made it clear when he began seeing her that he would either be a part of her life or not but he wouldn;t be in and out and that is exactly what he is doing. But before wanting to sign over his rights he had a child by his current wife and started skipping visitations, getting her a day late or bringing her back early and then decided he didn't want her. So now I am wanting to stop this, it is not just that I don't want him in her life but I want it to be a good relationship and one that she can benefit from not one that causes her distress and negatively affects her as it does now.

 

[irish223]

You can't terminate his rights unless he agrees. Even if he doesn't see her for a year, as long as he is paying child support, it is not likely that his lack of visitation will be considered abandonment.

You should be able to modify the visitation order to allow for a phase-in period if he fails to exercise visitation for an extended length of time. For a three year old, three months is a long time, so it doesn't seem unreasonable that she shouldn't have to spend a weekend with them after 3 months of no contact.