Just Curious?

[Heidi_Starling]

How much trouble would a parent be in by withholding one visitation? It's complicated but court order says 9a-9a the next day which is a Friday (every other year for a birthday, not a regular weekly visitation). Other parent has already said he was going to pick her up at 5pm Thursday and not return her Friday morning, but keep her out of school Friday and for his weekend which is from after school Friday til Sunday at 7pm. What could he do if I refused to let him have her Thursday but let him have her Friday for his weekend?

If the details of this situation/fight are needed I'll provide them.

Thanks:dgrin

 

[Proserpina]

Well, the CP does not have to allow any visitation outside of what is actually written into the court order.

However the CP should perhaps consider what's best for the CHILD - is spending time extra time with the NCP really detrimental in this instance?

 

[Heidi_Starling]

That is a very good question, I believe it is detrimental due to the circumstances, so I'll explain more.

Son graduated from high school he lived with dad. Only minor left is daughter lives with mom. Dad's child support doubles June 1 and dad remarries shortly after, typical child support and triangle to remove old wife from picture for the new wife. Dad has daughter for summer and convinces her she wants to live with his new family, starts court battle. Daughter returns to mom and after getting away from the manipulation decides she isn't sure where she wants to live, doesn't want to choose, hates being put into the middle of this fight and just wants it over. Court battle is still ongoing.

Son goes into armed forces. Dad asks mom to postpone court date for son's basic graduation, mom refuses. Dad refuses to give mom any information about him, saying she needs to talk to son who is in basic. Dad knows son is unreachable with very limited communication ability and information sent to him is to be shared, won't even give her an address. It's obvious Dad is withholding this info to prevent mom being able to go to Son's graduation, and if he can't prevent it he's setting up a hostile environment of his new family against her at this event.

Dad plans to take daughter thursday night for the birthday visitation and keep her Friday to attend Son's graduation with his new wife and her son, excluding mom in this arrangement. Mom offers proposal to take daughter to graduation with her and spend a little time with son after ceremony, leaving right after lunch and invites Dad to join them trying to create an amicable environment for all for the few hours before she lets Dad have his time with both children.

So the question is, is it detrimental to daughter (and son) to let Dad make his daughter a part of his scheme to exclude and make Mom an outsider at this family event? How much trouble can Mom get into to refuse to let Dad have daughter Thursday knowing she will not be returned at the court ordered 9am Friday?

This would be an isolated event. Throughout this court battle mom has played by the rules, gave dad an extra weekend in Sept, offered an extra weekend in Oct that was turned down, gave time on her weekend so dad could take daughter out after a school performance he attended, etc. Dad has been hostile, argumentative, took away almost 3 weeks of mom's summer time and refused twice to let mom have daughter when he was traveling for work during those 3 weeks, basically he must not have heard any advice from his lawyer to make himself look good for court.

 

[Proserpina]

Son legally emancipated when he enlisted.

Son no longer under the confines of ANY custody or visitation order, and neither is Dad with regards to Son - so Dad does not have ANY legal obligation to tell Mom anything at all.

If Son wants to let Mom know the details, Son is entirely free to do that. I'm curious as to why Son hasn't done that, actually. It's not as if the information is classified.

I would ask BOTH parents the same question:

Is this the hill upon which you want to die?

Really?

Someone needs to make a bit of a sacrifice.

Please, don't make it be your daughter.

 

[Heidi_Starling]

Son is not entirely free, he is under the very strict restrictions of basic training. Our armed forces do not just give out personal information, mom was able to research how to get a message through public relations to son to have him call or write. Son followed standard proceedures of sending out an informational letter to family, his dad as that was his permanent address, expecting it to be shared with anyone wanting or needing the info. Son was very surprised to hear dad refused to give his address to mom. Son was not unwilling to give mom any information, he believed dad had given it to her and did not know there was a problem.

Dad may not have any legal obligations regarding son, but it is still wrong and his intentions of cutting mom out of son's life, unknowing to son is obvious. Would you die on a hill to not crush your son when you didn't show up to an important event in his life because your ex prevented you from having the information to attend? Is this the lesson you want your daughter to learn and be a part of? Isn't daughter going to be the one sacrificed whether mom refuses to let her go with dad or backs down and allows her to be a part of dad's vindictive behavior against her mom? Do you think she is not going to see and feel the hostile and unwelcoming atmosphere created at her brother's celebration when Dad lines his new family up against mom and she is not going to feel torn and conflicted about being a part of Dad's army? Isn't it really a choice of which is the lesser of two evils and which choice is less damaging to the daughter?

This is why I'm asking outsiders who may see something I am not seeing.

 

[army judge]

If a parent wishes to contact a child, the military is very supportive of such efforts. All one has to do is contact the post commanding general's office or the post sergeant major's office.

Advise them you have not heard from child. You 'll also receive the address where you can write to the child.


In addition, you can simy write to any servicemember. Address the letter to Private Pat R. Iot, care of base locator, Ft. Fatherland, XX 12345.

The correspondence will be forwarded to the serviceperson. You can also call the person's com
commander and sometimes be allowed a brief chat. Finally, in the event of a family emergency, The Red Cross can contact your loved one within a couple of hours. The service is free and never fails! You'll also get a response from the efforts if the ARC.

 

[Proserpina]

Son is not entirely free, he is under the very strict restrictions of basic training. Our armed forces do not just give out personal information, mom was able to research how to get a message through public relations to son to have him call or write. Son followed standard proceedures of sending out an informational letter to family, his dad as that was his permanent address, expecting it to be shared with anyone wanting or needing the info. Son was very surprised to hear dad refused to give his address to mom. Son was not unwilling to give mom any information, he believed dad had given it to her and did not know there was a problem.

Since my #1 has been deployed overseas for the past 6 months..yes, I'm aware of how it works.

Regardless, it's still not Dad's fault. I find it somewhat dubious that Son - knowing that Mom & Dad's relationship is more than a little acrimonious - would have expected Dad to share this information and that it didn't occur to him to share it with Mom directly but that's just my thoughts.

Dad may not have any legal obligations regarding son, but it is still wrong and his intentions of cutting mom out of son's life, unknowing to son is obvious. Would you die on a hill to not crush your son when you didn't show up to an important event in his life because your ex prevented you from having the information to attend? Is this the lesson you want your daughter to learn and be a part of? Isn't daughter going to be the one sacrificed whether mom refuses to let her go with dad or backs down and allows her to be a part of dad's vindictive behavior against her mom? Do you think she is not going to see and feel the hostile and unwelcoming atmosphere created at her brother's celebration when Dad lines his new family up against mom and she is not going to feel torn and conflicted about being a part of Dad's army? Isn't it really a choice of which is the lesser of two evils and which choice is less damaging to the daughter?

This is why I'm asking outsiders who may see something I am not seeing.

Y'all need to be taking co-parenting classes.

This is not about legalities any more - you've been advised that no, you're not obliged to offer Dad any visitation outside of the court order. Dad cannot have you held in contempt.

You may need to take the high road here (as any decent parent will do - and suck it up - from time to time). Turn up to your son's graduation, smile ever-so-sweetly at your ex and make your daughter KNOW that she doesn't have to choose.

Frankly the only time kids do feel torn like that is because their parent/s are subjecting them to their own feelings of anger and bitterness. Perhaps counseling is in order to help daughter deal with her feelings.