Is he saying that he gives his rights up?

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pinktoes17

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Hi. I am 17 years old and the father of my unborn daughter broke up with me a few weeks back and he texted me this message:

"good then dont put my name on her birth certificate then and also dont give her my last name then. you want to play that fuckin way." Sent June 17th at 11:05am

Is he telling me that he is giving up his rights to his daughter after she is born even though I am not putting his name down as the father on the birth certificate? I made my mind up to that one after he broke up me and sent me that text message.

I talked to him today (June 25th) about him being in her life because I dont really think my daughter needs someone like him in her life but then in ways I want him in her life for a fear that I have that down the road she will hate me for her father not being there. He tried to tell me that even though I am going to breastfeed that he will be up on Saturdays to get her and take her with him and when I tried to tell him that he cant because i will be breastfeeding, he told me "Then fine. I will come up until you give up breastfeeding her." I said okay to that but then he told me that Jessie (his new girlfriend) will be coming up with him. I told him no because I am not going to let my daughter get use to someone else being there and then one day may not be there. He will be coming up to my house to see her if I let him have rights to her.

I dont really want him in our lives and I dont need his support....

What can I do to stop him from having his rights to her? He is also known for getting into fights and cant really keep a job.

HELP ME PLEASE...!
 
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I replied in your other thread. Try not to post twice.

If he goes to court and gets his rights established, he will get parenting time with her.
You will not be able to dictate who he has your child around, as long as no one is a danger to her.

Your local rules may mention something about short, frequent visits while she is an infant, gradually increasing in length until he has overnights. But they will not need to be supervised.

Kudos on wanting to breastfeed, maybe you can work something out in the beginning while you get your supply built up, like him taking her for an hour or two. Later on you can pump your milk so he can take bottles with him.

If you are concerned about his lack of experience with babies, suggest that he (and you should, too) take a parenting course. Infant CPR is a good idea, too.

Just keep in mind, you may not want him in YOUR life, but your daughter will benefit from having a father in hers. It sounds like he has had a change of heart, and I hope he matures and becomes a good dad.
 
That is the thing. He will never mature and he hasnt had change in heart. He knows that I will let him walk all over me if I let him and I have finally put my foot down. I dont care if he is in my life but I dont want him to hurt my daughter. He is known for being in fights and I do think he hangs out with a lot of people that do drugs. I dont want my daughter around that crap. As far as doing the whole pumping, I am going to have to because I plan on going back to school and putting her in day care and making it so that way he isnt someone who can go and pick her up. The only ones that will be able to are, my mom, my older sister, my father and myself. I am afraid that he will run off with her and then I wont ever see my daughter again because that is what his father did with him when he was a little boy and plus I dont want his father to take her anywhere because his father has a drinking problems and drives while drinking and I dont want her around that or in the same car as him.

But see he doesnt want to get the courts involved bc I was 16 when I first got pregnant and he was 18 and if we dont get the courts involved then by doing it online, i will let him come up on the days that he wants to see her but he told me that he doesnt care if I tell him not to bring anyone else with him. I know that I have the right to only let him in my house and no one else but then I will be hurting my daughter because she will see her father and I getting into it if she is down stairs because he will fight me to come in. ( and I dont mean hitting me. or atleast I dont think he would. who knows with him)
 
I'm a bit confused. In your other post you said you want to file for custody so that he can't run off with her (I think it's a good idea to get everything legal) but now you're saying that you don't want the courts involved because you were underage.

You can do it informally, but it's going to be a pain. I also think if you want him supervised you should have a third party do it. That would avoid fighting in front of her. If you had court-ordered times and dates, there would be no arguments over you letting him come in.

And no, his father has no rights to the child. Unfortunately, with no court order, your child's dad can do what he likes and have whoever he wants drive him and/or the child. In an order you could specify that only your ex drives to pickups and dropoffs (or another licensed and insured person), but it would be hard to control who drives the rest of the time. Has future grandpa been convicted of DUI?

Does your ex do drugs? Maybe when you go to court you could ask for testing (as long as you would test clean, too).
 
Yes his father has been charged with a few DUI's that I have heard of. The father of my daughter is the one who doesnt want to get the courts involved and I'm not 100% sure why but we think that is because I am only 17yrs old. I dont know though. But other than that, I am fine with doing the whole child support thing and custody thing online after he takes me to court if he does because I dont plan on putting his name on the birth certificate and I also plan on telling him that I dont want him therer because I know that he will bring his girlfriend and she has no right being there and I wont let her see or be around my child while I am around. But if we do everything online, he told me that yesterday, he is willing to come up here until I give up breastfeeding my daughter but he also told me that he will bring his girlfriend as well. That is what will start a fight because she has no right being here at my house because it isnt her daughter and I dont have to let her see her while he is at my house to visit my daughter.

But I dont think my daughter really needs a father who isnt stable in her life. He cant keep a job and he is always moving from one friends house to another and I dont need my daughter growing up with that. I dont think he does drugs but I know that I dont. But if we dont get the courts involved then he is only willing to pay me half of what my mom and I figured out he should be paying me. It was $286 that we figured out and he is only willing to pay me $150 a month. I do know that I plan on telling him that he is going to be paying me atleast $250 a month if my mom agrees to that as well because right now my mom is the biggest support person that I have with all of this. And another thing, I dont see why he is trying to be in her life when he wouldnt even give me any money to get things that she would need after she's born. All he has given me from then time I told him that I was pregnant was $20 for a bassinet that my cousin was willing to give to me for that much. Other then that, he hasnt given me another dime for anything. Not even when I asked him about to. He would tell me that he would and then when we would make plans to do it, he would either never call me to tell me he cant or he just wouldnt show up.

I do have another question... Can I file for full custody of my daughter even though I am a single parent?

I would honestly rather him not be in her life like I keep saying and I think I might ask him if he is willing to not be in her life until she is old enough to decide if she wants a father like him in her life. If he agrees on that though, I wont stop him from coming up once in a while to see her. I'm not sure what everyone is telling him to do but I know that he doesnt have the money to pay child support every month. He is only 19 and in debt like you wouldnt believe. That is why I didnt plan on getting married to him until after he paid all his debts off if we would of stayed together.
 
WOW!!! You have received really good advice from Duranie and Ohio-granny in your other post, and in this one too. Still, you keep asking the same questions. Are you sure you don't want anything to do with this guy? From reading your posts, it doesn't really sound that way.

Here are the important points from all the advice you've been given:

1. The father has NO RIGHTS at this time. He has no rights to take away or give up. Someone has to go to court if he is to get any legal rights to his child.

2. He is not required to pay any child support because he has not been legally established to be the father. You know he's the father, he knows he's the father, but the COURT does NOT know he's the father. Until the court knows he's the father, the court will not order child support. Until the court orders child support, he is not obligated to pay any.

3. Since you've never been to court and you are unmarried, you are the only person with custodial rights to your child. NO ONE ELSE has any rights-not the child's father, not grandpa, not grandma.

4. If you want child support from the father, you should go to court. That means he will have to legally acknowledge paternity, the court will order support based on his income (or potential income), and if he petitions for visitation or custody, he will undoubtedly get at least some unsupervised visitation with his child (unless you have VERY good reasons why visitation should be supervised, and nothing in your posts suggests that).

5. If you don't want child support, fine. If you never go to court for child support, then he will never be established as the legal father unless he files his own petition with the court. If no one goes to court, then LEGALLY you do not have to let him see his child.

6. HOWEVER, do not plan on using public aid. If you apply for public aid, you will have to name the father. The office of child support will go after him for support. If he has to go to court for child support, then he will probably ask for visitation. And if he asks for it, then he will probably get it.

(I'm beginning to feel like I'm telling a modified version of "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie")

7. NOTE: If the father gets any court-ordered visitation or shared custody, then you cannot dictate who sees the child on his time, where he takes the child on his time, what he does with the child on his time (as long as he doesn't put her in danger), or anything else.

8. Minor Note: In your other thread, you said that the father offered to pay $50-$75 per week. Then you said that's $150/month. Oops, add that up again. That's $200-$300/month!

Okay, so now you have to decide if you want the father involved in your child's life. If so, go to court. If not, don't go to court. All the other stuff you're writing about may factor into YOUR decision, but it's not relevant to the advice you were seeking. (BTW - You've mentioned your age several times as his possible reason for avoiding court. In many states, your minor status would not get your ex in trouble due to the small difference in your ages.)

Also, please don't use your child to get your ex back. Maybe that's not what you're doing, but it sounds that way to me. I apologize in advance if I'm wrong.
 
Thank you for that advice. I am not using my daughter to get him back. I dont want him back. We have been broken up for almost 2 weeks now but he hasnt been around for the past about 5 months.

About #8. I took notice of that after but he said he would pay everyOTHER week. I just took notice of that after you said about it. But I dont plan on taking him to court. I am just confused on if I should try to get custody papers darwn up because I dont trust his father. I wont keep my daughter from her fathers side of the family, meaning her great grandparents and her great aunts and uncle and cousins. His father, the grandfather, is one person (not the only) i dont trust in that family because when my daughters father was a little boy, he took him from his mother and took off to another state. I wouldnt put it past his father to try to take my daughter from his parents house and take off with her. I just wouldnt put it past him.

I know that you are saying that I am the only one that has rights to my daughter but when her father was taken, the police told his father that they cant do anything about it because there was no custody papers in play. I dont know if his mother put him name on the birth certificate or not. But if this happens and I dont have custody papers in play, are the PA cops just going to tell me the same thing? That is what I am confused mostly about.
 
If you don't put his name on the birth certificate, and if he doesn't legally acknowledge paternity, then... If the grandfather or father takes the child, then that is kidnapping and you would report it as such to the police.

However, if you want the father and most of his family to have a relationship with the child, then by all means get the custody order. The grandfather will not have any rights to the child. Only you and the father will have rights. Custody/visitation times will be specific in the order. Violation of the order is contempt.
 
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ok. Thank you but again I dont want the father of my daughter to have rights unless he takes me to court which I dont think he will because he doesnt have that kind of money and Im not really sure why else other then he is known for getting into fights and if I am not mistaken he had to do some kinda of court ordered councling thing because when he was in school and got into a fight and really beat this guy up good but I dont think he ever attented those class things. I'm not 100% sure on that though.

But his father I dont really want around my daughter either because of his drinking problem. But as far as his grandparents and aunts and uncles, I wont keep her away from them. My daughter is their first great grandchild and whatever it is to his aunts and uncles.

Thankyou again.
 
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