I desperately need help with a family drama involving the care/finances of my mother, who was recently diagnosed with Alzheimers.
Here's the synopsis:
My brother (let's call him Roger, he is in the same city as my mother, he held medical proxy until recent events and has been taking good care of my mother), my, nieces (my sister's adult kids, they are very close to my mother, let's call them Eve and Anna) and I struggled for months to get my mother see a doctor for her Alzheimer's diagnosis because we could tell she was having big memory problems. We finally succeeded and have been trying to arrange care plans. My sister (who lives 6 hours from my mom in a different state, let's call her Wanda) has not visited my mother in at least six years (probably longer), but as soon as she learned of the diagnosis, she and her husband rushed to Myrtle Beach and whisked my mother to a lawyer, getting her to appoint Wanda's husband (whom I have never met) as executor of her will and sign over power of attorney and medical proxy to him. My mother couldn't even remember what she signed or who the lawyer was when I asked her about it, and we (Roger, Eve, Anna and I) are certain that Wanda and her husband took advantage of my mother's confusion and susceptibility to suggestion to get control over her finances.
Wanda and her husband recently declared bankruptcy and are the very last people who should hold power over my mother's care and finances--I'm afraid that under their watch my mother's money won't even last to the end of her life. In fact, before the onset of Alzheimers, my mother had told my brother and I that her will stipulated that Wanda would not receive her share of the inheritance in a lump sum, but in the form of an allowance doled out by the executor. My mother often said that she only ever heard from Wanda when Wanda wanted money. My sister is chronically unemployed and has lost at least one job because she failed a drug test. She has been hospitalized for mental illness. Her own children chose to go live with their dad in another state when they were pre-teens because Wanda was an irresponsible and unreliable mother. Wanda told me that she is going to take my mother to live with her and her husband because she is unemployed and can take care of her full time. My mother has told me many times she does not want to live with my sister.
My mother has also said repeatedly over the past 6 months that she wants to sell her house and move close to my nieces because they have always had a great relationship, and my nieces would like this. Mom would still be close enough to my brother and I that we could visit often. But Wanda is insisting that my mother will be moved in with her. When I said that's not what mom wants, Wanda said (in a facebook message, so I have proof): "If we keep talking to her about moving here, she'll do it. It's the way the disease works. The power of suggestion is strong. If we all act like she came up with the idea and really wants to go, she'll agree." I am pretty certain that that's how they got my mom to sign over all powers, and it's just fraud, IMO. What's more, I think my sister may be telling my mom how horrible the rest of us are and that all we care about is Mom's money, etc., so now my mother seems distrustful of those of us who have actually been there for her all along. Also, Roger, Eve and I all have full-time jobs and my unemployed sister has convinced my mother that she would be a burden to us.
Frankly, I would rather have a court-appointed stranger in charge of my mom's care over my irresponsible sister and her husband. But I trust Roger or Eve, and they care very much about my mom's care. But how can we stop this train wreck now that Wanda has gotten Mom to sign things and put Roger and/or Eve in control? Wanda is such a horrible housekeeper and so unreliable that I envision my mother's future with her as languishing in a dirty diaper surrounded by filth and roaches while Wanda and her husband buy expensive toys with all of Mom's money. I'm worried sick.
Here's the synopsis:
My brother (let's call him Roger, he is in the same city as my mother, he held medical proxy until recent events and has been taking good care of my mother), my, nieces (my sister's adult kids, they are very close to my mother, let's call them Eve and Anna) and I struggled for months to get my mother see a doctor for her Alzheimer's diagnosis because we could tell she was having big memory problems. We finally succeeded and have been trying to arrange care plans. My sister (who lives 6 hours from my mom in a different state, let's call her Wanda) has not visited my mother in at least six years (probably longer), but as soon as she learned of the diagnosis, she and her husband rushed to Myrtle Beach and whisked my mother to a lawyer, getting her to appoint Wanda's husband (whom I have never met) as executor of her will and sign over power of attorney and medical proxy to him. My mother couldn't even remember what she signed or who the lawyer was when I asked her about it, and we (Roger, Eve, Anna and I) are certain that Wanda and her husband took advantage of my mother's confusion and susceptibility to suggestion to get control over her finances.
Wanda and her husband recently declared bankruptcy and are the very last people who should hold power over my mother's care and finances--I'm afraid that under their watch my mother's money won't even last to the end of her life. In fact, before the onset of Alzheimers, my mother had told my brother and I that her will stipulated that Wanda would not receive her share of the inheritance in a lump sum, but in the form of an allowance doled out by the executor. My mother often said that she only ever heard from Wanda when Wanda wanted money. My sister is chronically unemployed and has lost at least one job because she failed a drug test. She has been hospitalized for mental illness. Her own children chose to go live with their dad in another state when they were pre-teens because Wanda was an irresponsible and unreliable mother. Wanda told me that she is going to take my mother to live with her and her husband because she is unemployed and can take care of her full time. My mother has told me many times she does not want to live with my sister.
My mother has also said repeatedly over the past 6 months that she wants to sell her house and move close to my nieces because they have always had a great relationship, and my nieces would like this. Mom would still be close enough to my brother and I that we could visit often. But Wanda is insisting that my mother will be moved in with her. When I said that's not what mom wants, Wanda said (in a facebook message, so I have proof): "If we keep talking to her about moving here, she'll do it. It's the way the disease works. The power of suggestion is strong. If we all act like she came up with the idea and really wants to go, she'll agree." I am pretty certain that that's how they got my mom to sign over all powers, and it's just fraud, IMO. What's more, I think my sister may be telling my mom how horrible the rest of us are and that all we care about is Mom's money, etc., so now my mother seems distrustful of those of us who have actually been there for her all along. Also, Roger, Eve and I all have full-time jobs and my unemployed sister has convinced my mother that she would be a burden to us.
Frankly, I would rather have a court-appointed stranger in charge of my mom's care over my irresponsible sister and her husband. But I trust Roger or Eve, and they care very much about my mom's care. But how can we stop this train wreck now that Wanda has gotten Mom to sign things and put Roger and/or Eve in control? Wanda is such a horrible housekeeper and so unreliable that I envision my mother's future with her as languishing in a dirty diaper surrounded by filth and roaches while Wanda and her husband buy expensive toys with all of Mom's money. I'm worried sick.
