Her demands and my life and future

[Afterawhile]

I have been with my fiancee for a year and half. We moved in together, well I moved to his home in late February. He has been in a nasty custody dispute with his ex-wife for more than two years. They have 3 children together and 1 child he raised, although not his.

He has been unable to see his children, except for court ordered visits for a bit at the ex-MIL home. In two years, he has not seen his children or had them alone. The ex has pulled every trick in the book. Protection orders, violation orders, left his home in foreclosure then moved, contempt of court...you name it. She has somehow denied and delayed visitation for this long, even through the courts.

He has a hearing today for completion of his Family program and to discuss visits at the parental stress center(per her request) which he registered and did intake for, under court order. She never registered herself nor the kids, and thus is in contempt again.

Recently, even with the protection order she has contacted him, invited him into her home to visit the children and invited him to his daughters softball games. She is obviously not really afraid for her life, but afraid that he might get some type of custody. She is using these orders to alienate him. He has been to court 100 times, I swear.

Anyways, he came home last night with a hand written agreement that she had given him. It states he can have the children every Sunday from 4-9, then after a month every other Saturday overnight. The thing is, she specifically states that the children are to have absolutely no contact with me! I mean, it says my name.

Well, umm...I live there along with my two children. I did tell him that I would leave if he had visits, but I am afraid in his desperation he wants this to be legal. He said if He does not agree to this, she will do everything to keep the kids away. So, I will have to pack up myself and my children and leave my house every time he has custody.

Is this feasable? We own the home together and are planning on marrying. What would the court say if he requested to modify this, and what if she denies him cooperation based on the fact that I live there? Can she legally request that I leave my home and that is the only way he can have his children? I am just at a loss. If this is actually possible I don't see how.

I pose no threat to the children and would not interrupt his visitation. I will repect his wishes, of course since it has been so long that he has seen his children. I feel that she is bieng unreasonable and this is her last effort to break us apart.

What is relly legal in this case?

They are not together because he had caught her cheating on him with two of the neighborhood 'Kids" 16 and 15 years old respectively. She is 31. SHe has never worked. He has always consistently paid child support and alimony.

 

[Duranie]

Your boyfriend really needs an attorney maybe one that does a lot of fathers rights. Why hasn;t he retained counsel? Seems like mom really has no reason to restrict visits unless there is something you are not telling us. Mom has no business telling you not to be around the kids. What is the whole story here? Does Dad have any court ordered schedule? I would not trust this woman for a minute and he needs to get to court to get unrestricted, unsupervised visits. If I were Dad there is no way would I listen to her or this nonsense. He needs to grow a backbone to her and let her know he has enough of this and he wants to see the kids on his terms, not hers. Dad needs an attorney now and needs to keep all this documentation on her absurd requests.

 

[Afterawhile]

Yes, he has had a lawyer from the very start and continues to have a lawyer. He did at one point change counsel because he was not getting results. Due to the active protection order for her and the children, which she refuses to drop, he can not see his children unsupervised. He does get phone contact twice a week. Like I said, he busted her cheating on him with his very own daughters teenage friends. Red handed. She freaked and he left and she immediately filed this order after the very first time he picked up his children for an overnight after he had moved out. The allegations were all false...every single one of them. When she had found out he was seeing someone(me) she really went off the deep end and went all out to make his life a living hell. He had absolutely NO contact with his daughters for a whole year. For the record, she got his house and posession of everything in it..he didn't even have time to move anything. She sold or gave away all of his stuff and told her children he didn't care about them and on and on and on. She is unfit and crazy.

She always calls him, she has asked him to come back to her many,many times. She still initiates contact.

If he doesn't play along with her, she will use the system to continue this(trust me, she even had him jailed on a violation that NEVER happened) she is using the children as a pawn. Regardless of his testimony, she has never even recieved a slap on the hand. This court system sucks, frankly.

What I am saying, is legally does she have grounds to remove me from my own home(would the courts find that in the best interest of the children)? I thought once divorced and living seperately the ex spouse had no say so. I have no criminal backround or anything at all for that matter.

Thanks

 

[irish223]

I'm not sure I completely understand your post. It seems that the mother is not violating the visitation order, but is doing everything she can to legally limit the father's time.

I agree with Duranie that there must be more to the story, especially since the protective orders for both mother and children are still in effect after 2 years.

She cannot make you leave the home. However, it is possible that they will get an order that prohibits contact with you. I don't think that's very common, unless you present a danger to the children, but it's not totally unheard of.

I would like to point out that both the father and the mother are in violation of the protection orders, and that can be a big problem for either or both of them. The father shouldn't even respond to a text or phone call if there is an active order prohibiting it.

 

[Kelli78]

She cannot force you to leave the home in order for him to visit his children, she knew that as well and that is why she did a hand written document on her own because she knew the court would not play that game. On the other hand, if you have a past criminal history that she may have found out about then she could always tell the judge that she is scared of her children's safety when you are around them. What I think your fiance needs to do is go to court, request more visitation time through the court so that his court orders explain in detail how visitations are to occur. He also needs to show the court the ex's attempts at communication with him...Phone calls from her, text messages etc that shows that she is not "scared" of him and therefore the protective order needs to be dropped.
I agree with the other posters. He does need to grow a backbone and not back down to her demands,

 

[Mooshyshoosh]

There really is not a whole lot more to the story. I don't know the entire details of their whole relatonship and of course I will side with my bf seeing the pain he is in. From what I know and have seen she does not want him to be with me or have his kids around me. Before me, it was a ploy to get him back. If she kept his precious children from him, he would certainly come back. It was a repeated pattern in their relationship. She would leave with the kids and make him beg to come back, regardless of the kicks she was getting sleeping with teenagers on the side. Pretty much, I think the Protetective order was a last effort to get him to come back. She has never worked. She had a child to his best friend while they were together that he raised as his own from birth.

I have no criminal history. I have a good, steady job and am working on my masters. I have full custody of my own children. She has no idea, and I assume that is what bothers her the most.

I really feel like he is just tired of the system. Her claims have never been investigated and she is so good at playing the victim. His lawyer has tried everything. At this point he misses his children, feels guilty for leaving them and can't stand it anymore.

I feel if this agreement is binding, or if that is his only option..to not wait another year, then he must take it and I guess I will tire of it eventually and be on my way.

He has done all of the above things. he has a very good lawyer. SOmething is so cruel and wrong with our court system.

 

[irish223]

Interesting....

OP's username is Afterawhile, yet Mooshyshoosh replies as though SHE'S the OP. So I guess OP has 2 usernames.

Hmmm.....

I didn't read your other thread because it seemed to be getting lots of replies. I think I'll check it out now.

Goodness, I hope this thread isn't a replay of your first thread. I would feel used.

 

[KidsNurse]

There really is not a whole lot more to the story. I don't know the entire details of their whole relatonship and of course I will side with my bf seeing the pain he is in.

I'm sorry, did I miss something here? Are you also Afterawhile? Or am I just easily confused?:yes:

 

[Duranie]

I am completely confused. Mooshymooshy past posts indicate she is not stable and has posted that her ex wants their kids removed and her boyfriend has an RO on him from an ex. Either MooshyMooshy or Afterswhile, or both are totally full of it and posting just to stir things up. We are not getting the full correct story from either split personality.