Help!!! My daughter had runaway...she is claiming emancipation!

[Wendy_C]

My daughter...left the other night after a diagreement and she says that I told her to leave...and I might have...but I also begged her repeatedly to stay as well as her brothers. I have spoken to her daily. She calls under the *67 where you can't see the number. But atleast she calls...but she only says, " I love you," and that is it...she won't talk about it and when asked to come home she only says...that she is not ready and that she is still in school and that she will not tell me where she is. I don't want to rock the boat or she will stop calling and quit school. She came by to get some clothes, after being gone for four days and I had packed up all of her clothes for her...I had taken them out of her drawers and closet and folded them neatly. She said this was not forever....but she makes it seem that way right now. She IS on probation for some trouble she got into a couple of months ago...but she has already completed the community service for that already and it is unsupervised...I have been hearing her say that she wants to get emancipated...but she does not even have a learners permit and she is 16 and a half years old...she says she does not need one. Everytime she gets into trouble she throws up something that happened in the past in another state that was investigated by DSS and was dropped and the only reason she brings it up is because she was the only one involved out of the four kids...and she knows that it hurts me and my husband...and her bio-father, I think, keeps that going too. I am not sure what to do!!! Should I call the police and have her listed as a runaway and risk not speaking to her...or her trying to bring all of this up again to help her emancipation case agian...I have seen what it takes to be emacipated and she has none of what it takes to be emacipated...except the age. She was happy and she and my husband have had such a great relaionship until she gets told "NO" to something. Help with my situation please.....I don't want to lose my daughter forever....Wendy C

 

[carney]

What are the requirements for a judicial declaration of emancipation?
· You must be at least fourteen years old.
· You must willingly live separate and apart from your parents with the consent or acquiescence of your parents.
· You must be managing your own financial affairs.
· Your income must be from a legal source.
· Emancipation must be in your best interests.
· You should be in school. (The law on emancipation does not require that you be in school, but the compulsory education laws do. The judge usually wants to see that you are either in school or have already graduated or gotten a GED).
What are the new responsibilities I will have if I get emancipated?
· Support yourself financially.
· Get your own medical, dental, and automobile insurance.
· Pay all of your own bills.
· Make sure your income is from a legal source.
What things won't change when I get emancipated?
There are certain laws that apply to minors even after they get emancipated.
· You must go to school. The compulsory education laws require that minors stay in school until they graduate or reach the age of eighteen.
· You cannot work as many hours as you want. Child labor laws still apply, and work permit rules must be followed.
· You can't have sex.The law of unlawful sexual intercourse ("statutory rape") makes it illegal for anyone to have sex with a minor (even another minor). The only time a minor can have legal sex is if s/he is married and s/he has sex with his/her spouse.
· You may be tried as an adult if you commit a crime. Emancipated minors are still subject to Juvenile Court jurisdiction, unless the judge orders you to be tried as an adult. Whether or not you are emancipated has no bearing on being tried as an adult.
· You cannot drink alcohol. Even if emancipated, you may not legally drink alcohol until you turn twenty-one.
· You cannot vote. The voting age is eighteen, and emancipation has no effect on this
Once I get emancipated, is it forever?
Not always. The District Attorney's office may petition to have your emancipation rescinded (taken away) if your main source of income is welfare (e.g., TANF). It is possible for the judge to rescind your emancipation on the basis that you are not able to support yourself without public benefits. If the emancipation is rescinded, the District Attorney may try to make your parents pay back the welfare money that was paid to you while you were emancipated.
Do I need my parents' consent to get emancipated?
Generally, yes. Minors who are not emancipated need parental consent to get married. In addition, minors who wish to marry must obtain the consent of a judge. Likewise, to join the military, a minor needs parental consent. To get emancipated by a judge, a minor must give his/her parent(s) notice of the court hearing, and the parent(s) may go to court to contest the emancipation.

She's not going to be able to get emancipated and would also have to hire a lawyer to even try. Tell her she can't throw that in your face anymore and have her listed as a runaway. It's better to have her at home not talking to you than dead in the street not able to talk. When they bring her back, enroll her and you in counseling to see if that helps the relationship.

 

[Wendy_C]

She did come home and leave...

My daughter did come home three days after I posted and stayed for 4 days. Then she came home from school and just out of no where she wanted to leave again...and already had a ride. This was after she told me she might be pregnant and might be using pills. I did not lose my cool~I just kept it calm and stated how I felt about abortion and told her that I thought that she knew better than to use drugs. Then she told me that she was lieing to me about the drug part and then she got up and did her chores and I was already crying and I started my shower. She kept coming back in and asked me repeatedly to stop crying and I could not stop. I begged and I begged her not to leave. When her ride got her...I went out and told the boy that she might be pregnant and he told me that it was not his. Then he and his friend tried their best to get her to stay and talk to my husband and I. But she was ready to leave for some reason. It is like she likes the freedom or something...but when she came home just days before she told us that she hated staying with other people at their house and felt like a bum. I don't understand. She told us she missed us and wanted to be here with my husband and I and her brothers. When she calls it is breif and what she wants to talk about. But atleast I know that she is ok. 2 of my sons go to the same school with her and she has told everyone that I have thrown her out...that really hurts me...and them too. I am concerned about how this is affecting them too and my younger son who is only 2 years younger than her. I just don't know what to do about this situation. She about to fail due to days missed and went in and told the lady that I knew where she was staying and that she and I were not getting along so she was staying with her friend. The lady said well that was good. WHAT?????????????? I just don't know anymore...all I do is cry..Help if you can...please.

 

[bisbeelady]

Tough Love

Hi Wendy, sorry to hear you are going through this. Look up "Tough Love" online and find a meeting close to you. I went through the same mess with my daughter. It really sounds like drugs are involved, too. I/we went to counseling, psychologists, group homes, rehab, etc., you know the places. The only thing that really helped was the Tough Love group, and they were the only ones who knew what I was going through, too. They will guide you to get control of your daughter back. Be strong and find a group this week. They also are great with legal issues and will even go to court with you when she is arrested for possession or whatever.

 

[gelady]

Help!! My daughter had runaway

Wendy,

I went through this in the late 80's with my then; 12 year old daughter. My child was stealing, running away, fighting, lying and having sex. I was very fraustrated at the sytem when I tried over and over to receive help. I worked as a Juvenile Corrections Officer in Detention in my county. It was un-believeable. But, I went into CPS (Child Protective Services) and told them, that I had, had engouh. They needed to intercede and quick. I was tol the they never has a parent come to them only children. I explained that it was a first time for everything. I told them the I was informing them of a out of control child of mine that needed guidance from them with the programs that they had.;Group homes, foster care, etc. She did not want to be at home and I was not going to try to make her stay where she did not want to be; with her family, but, she was going to be safe and accounted for. I signed her over to CPS and she was horrified at the thought of me doing so. But, I can say that it made her realize what her family meant to her after that. She maintained in foster care for 6 months and begged to come home. I let her stay a little longer then went and got her. She's 28 years old now with three children of her own and more settled. But, I have a niece that is taking my sister-in-law through the same thing. The difference is that the system is siding with the niece, and has recommended to the court that she remain in foster care of her God-mother and reunification be terminated. As if to say no more parental rights. I advised my sister-in-law to love her enough to let her go, because, she is 3 years from being 18 years old and needs hard love now to jar her back to reality. It may sound harsh, but, it works. My prayer for you, Wendy is that your daughter comes to her senses and realizes that her family is an important part of her life that she needs right now and nothing is more important than that at this moment. And that she realizes this now before she gets into something that she cannot handle.