heartbroken mom

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ovalle

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My 12 yr old went to stay with his father for the weekend 2 weeks ago, and to this day is refusing to come home. He has decided he wants to live with his father. His father says my son can do what he wants, and will not send him home if he does not want to go. I have legal custody, and am aware that at age 12 he has the right to make that choice. However, it is for childish reasons. My son has anger issues at it is, and has cut himself in the past and is seeing a therapist which I take him to. He blames me for it, because I moved him away from his father and friends. (We only moved 15 minutes away.) We had discussed it before moving and he was excited at the time, but once we got the house he completely changed. His father plays the friend role letting him stay up til early morning hours on the phone, and watching tv, while I play the parent with rules, chores, and a bedtime. His father lets him do as he pleases at his house. So my son now sees me as the bad guy. My 17 and 19 yr old children told me this. Is there something I can do in the meantime, while waiting for any court filings on his part. What are my options?
 
My 12 yr old went to stay with his father for the weekend 2 weeks ago, and to this day is refusing to come home. He has decided he wants to live with his father. His father says my son can do what he wants, and will not send him home if he does not want to go. I have legal custody, and am aware that at age 12 he has the right to make that choice. However, it is for childish reasons. My son has anger issues at it is, and has cut himself in the past and is seeing a therapist which I take him to. He blames me for it, because I moved him away from his father and friends. (We only moved 15 minutes away.) We had discussed it before moving and he was excited at the time, but once we got the house he completely changed. His father plays the friend role letting him stay up til early morning hours on the phone, and watching tv, while I play the parent with rules, chores, and a bedtime. His father lets him do as he pleases at his house. So my son now sees me as the bad guy. My 17 and 19 yr old children told me this. Is there something I can do in the meantime, while waiting for any court filings on his part. What are my options?

You can go retrieve your son and take him home. You can inform your ex that if he doesn't do his part to get his son to leave with you, then he may be found in contempt of the custody order.

Your son has the right at age 12 to make a declaration of choice regarding his custody (or conservatorship). He does NOT have to right to decide who he lives with. Only the judge has that right. He will consider the child's affidavit, but that's not the only factor in his decision.
 
You can go retrieve your son and take him home. You can inform your ex that if he doesn't do his part to get his son to leave with you, then he may be found in contempt of the custody order.

Your son has the right at age 12 to make a declaration of choice regarding his custody (or conservatorship). He does NOT have to right to decide who he lives with. Only the judge has that right. He will consider the child's affidavit, but that's not the only factor in his decision.



OP, please listen to Irish - this is an excellent post.

Your son does NOT have the unilateral right to make that choice; there is only ONE state in this entire country which actually allows a teen to make that choice...and it ain't your state.

Go. Get. Your. Child.

You must be the parent. Your child must remain the child :)
 
OP, I third Irish's post.
If I were you I'd get my child.
If you fail to live up to your responsibilities as the custodial parent, you could lose that privilege.
Beyond that, and far more importantly, your child is watching.
What you do now will impact your child's growth and development negatively.
You're the parent, he's the child, and your ex-husband is a buffoon and clown.
If you are met with resistance or refusal by that imitation of a man that you once mistakenly married, contact the police.
Do not allow him to bait you into doing something that will cause legal difficulties for you.
If the police are reluctant to assist you (or remiss in assisting you), contact your attorney ASAP, and haul your recalcitrant ex-husband into court and let the judge deal with his contemptuous actions.

Texas does not allow children to choose the parent with whom they want to live.
In Texas, children are allowed to wish or dream, and the court will (as a courtesy, sometimes) hear the child.
Texas judges, jokingly call this process, "dreaming" or "wishing".




Can a child who is 12 years old or older decide which parent will have primary custody?​

The Texas Family Code no longer allows a child age 12 or older to sign a form stating which parent the child primarily wants to live with. Now, the only way for a child to directly express his or her preferences to a judge is to meet with the judge in the judge's office or, in very rare cases, testify in court as a witness. The Texas Family Code Sec. 153.009(a) requires a judge in a nonjury trial or hearing to interview in chambers a child 12 years of age or older to determine the child's wishes as to conservatorship or as to the person who shall have the exclusive right to determine the child's primary residence. In other words, the judge must interview the child on the big issue of which parent will get primary custody. On the other hand, it is left up to the judge to decide if he or she wants to interview a child under age 12 about who the child wants to live with or to interview a child over age 12 about the child's wishes as to the visitation schedule or other issues.

The judge does not have to follow the child's wishes.

The judge can decide to interview the child in chambers in a jury trial on the issue of which parent should decide where the child primarily lives. It is up to the judge to decide whether or not to permit the attorneys to be present at the interview. If either party requests, the judge must have a court reporter in the judge's office to record the interview with the child. The parents are not allowed in the judge's office during the interview.


Obviously, 12-year-olds and young teenagers want to do all kinds of things that parents will not allow them to do. A 13-year-old may really want to go to a certain concert, but the parent might decide the lyrics are too nasty or the time is too late and say "no." By the same token, a judge might listen to a child's wishes regarding custody and still say "no" because it is not in the child's best interests to live primarily with that parent.


A judge, for example, wants to make sure that a child has not been bribed or threatened to select one parent over the other. Also, a judge wants to know why the child is choosing one parent (i.e. - is it because there are no rules to follow there?).


What factors does a judge consider in evaluating a child's preference regarding custody?

Most judges will want to know why a child is selecting one parent over the other. Some kids want to live in the house with no rules and no chores. A judge will want to assess a child's maturity and intelligence and, of course, decide independently which household is best for the child.


Can my child decide the details of visitation, such as which days and times visitation will occur?

Texas law does not give a child a formal role in deciding anything other than primary custody. A child cannot sign a form saying what days or hours he wants visitation to occur. However, a child's wishes on the details of visitation can be considered by the judge either as a result of an interview in the judge's office or as reported to the judge by the amicus attorney, a custody evaluator or the child's counselor.


http://www.enoslaw.com/PracticeAreas/When-a-Child-Gets-to-Choose.asp
 
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Thank you so muchThis very valuable information. I have gone to try to get him and his father refused to make him. He wants to look like the good guy in my sons eyes, but he is a fool with cop friends who tell him I can't do anything. I can't afford an attorney I have been unemployed for nearly 3 1/2 years due to battle with cancer, but I am in remission now and ready to take back my life. And my son! Thank you all so much I know my options now.
 
Thank you so muchThis very valuable information. I have gone to try to get him and his father refused to make him. He wants to look like the good guy in my sons eyes, but he is a fool with cop friends who tell him I can't do anything. I can't afford an attorney I have been unemployed for nearly 3 1/2 years due to battle with cancer, but I am in remission now and ready to take back my life. And my son! Thank you all so much I know my options now.




Please, go get your child!

Be strong. Be brave. Be you.

Good luck!
 
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