sunset87
New Member
I got married in '05. At the time we our little girl was 5 months old. My reasons for marriage were not for love, they were for security. By securtiy I mean, before we were married my husband showed no seriousness in our relationship, no responsibility, no willingness to better our lives. We lived with his mother and in that house also lived: his older sister, his older brother, his sister below him, his three other young sisters, and his younger brother. That house could barely fit us all. I was barely turning 17 when I first moved and being that I was an only daughter living with my only brother, my mom, and dad for me living with his family was a headache.
Everything would have been okay with me living there, but one BIG PROBLEM. His mother was SO mean to me. As well as his older sister. Throughout the whole time from when I moved in until the time we got married these two women treated me like crap. They called me never by my name, but by the name of females my husband had cheated on me with. He was always unfaithful to me and I found out years later. They both stole my meaningful jewelery, my clothes, my shoes, EVEN my underwear. Believe me it gets worse if I go into detail.
I was miserable. The worse part was...my husband NEVER defended me. He never believed me. He would just laugh at me and say that I was exagerating. His little brother and sisters though, they saw everything and knew that never lied. They felt bad for me and always wanted to be with me since I was the only one in that house that gave them attention.
The day we did moved out and we lived on our own. My husband never seemed to want to work. I worked EVEN when i was pregnant. While he did nothing but continue to cheat, and go out. He got a "job" working at a bar/club as a waitor, but aside from me never seing any money, he sometimes would not even come home until next day after mid-day. He would put in bout half of the rent, but I always had to find a way to put in most of if, plus any other money we needed to live by another day.
I put up with him and his family for almost 4 years. When the physical abuse started that's when I decided he was only going to get worse with evertything. So I left from one day to another without verbally telling him anything. I left him a letter. That is all.
I wanted to work out a way we could stay in touch so that we can share our daughter, but he didn't want to. His way of thinking was.."If Im not going to be with you, no one will." He wanted me dead. Actually he wanted the three of us dead or together. He claims that he never really wanted it that way, but just saying it and acting on it as far as I let him, it was good enough for me to just stay away.
I brought our daughter for him to see her, but his intensions were to NEVER give her back to me. I had to make him believe that I was going to get back together with me. In order to prove him that he told me he had to get me pregnant. Obviously I didn't want to have anything with him, but I was forced to do it for the sake of getting my daughter in my arms so that I could find a possible way to freedom with her. He had me locked in a room, while his family had her somewhere hidden. I was actually grossed out by having sex with him because of the sircumstances I tried not to cry during. I felt raped. I just layed there.
The second time I tried to let him see her, with all his apologies,etc., he leterally took her all the way to the border of mexico threatening me that again, I will never see my daughter ever again. I didnt know what to do. I actually believed he wanted to work something out. That reason being is because I didnt want to take my daughter's father away from her. I felt selfish on my part. Again I couldnt do anything because we are stilled married and he is not technically stealing her from me. So I told him that I would get back together with him again. That day I he put me thru the most horrible experience I had ever been thru in my life. Almost killed me. Hit me, verbally attacked me, physically abused me. EMOTIONALY I felt DEAD INSIDE OF ME. I didnt think I would ever hold or see my daughter ever again that time. But after the abuse he put me thru, i held up. The last bid of strength i had just to not give up. I was going to get my daughter back no matter the consequences. And I did.
Ever since JANUARY OF 2007 he has not physically held his daughter. He has seen her in pictures and by distance, but I AM TRUAMATIZED and DO NOT WANT to go thru all of that ever again.
Now, I am still married to him because he has given me a hard time with a devorce. I dont have money to pay lawyers. I am the one asking for the divorce so I am the one who has to put in cash. That is why I have prolonged it. I finally found a lawyer whom will not charge at all for my divorce, but I have to wait because I am pregnant again. I have been with this man for bout a year already. We were friends before anything and we both had been thru our scare. Now we are together and my concern is my baby's birth certificate.
I have heard that since I am lawfully married I will have to go thru a lot of procedures to have my boyfriend's name on the birth certificate. My question is..What if I don't know anything bout my husband since '07? I dont talk to him, I dont look for him, I dont anything that has to do with him. I just want to live a happy life, get a divorce and try to forget about my past.
What do I do? By the way he isn't even an american citizen nor does he have a residency or a green card. He is from Mexico.
Can anyone give me advise?
Everything would have been okay with me living there, but one BIG PROBLEM. His mother was SO mean to me. As well as his older sister. Throughout the whole time from when I moved in until the time we got married these two women treated me like crap. They called me never by my name, but by the name of females my husband had cheated on me with. He was always unfaithful to me and I found out years later. They both stole my meaningful jewelery, my clothes, my shoes, EVEN my underwear. Believe me it gets worse if I go into detail.
I was miserable. The worse part was...my husband NEVER defended me. He never believed me. He would just laugh at me and say that I was exagerating. His little brother and sisters though, they saw everything and knew that never lied. They felt bad for me and always wanted to be with me since I was the only one in that house that gave them attention.
The day we did moved out and we lived on our own. My husband never seemed to want to work. I worked EVEN when i was pregnant. While he did nothing but continue to cheat, and go out. He got a "job" working at a bar/club as a waitor, but aside from me never seing any money, he sometimes would not even come home until next day after mid-day. He would put in bout half of the rent, but I always had to find a way to put in most of if, plus any other money we needed to live by another day.
I put up with him and his family for almost 4 years. When the physical abuse started that's when I decided he was only going to get worse with evertything. So I left from one day to another without verbally telling him anything. I left him a letter. That is all.
I wanted to work out a way we could stay in touch so that we can share our daughter, but he didn't want to. His way of thinking was.."If Im not going to be with you, no one will." He wanted me dead. Actually he wanted the three of us dead or together. He claims that he never really wanted it that way, but just saying it and acting on it as far as I let him, it was good enough for me to just stay away.
I brought our daughter for him to see her, but his intensions were to NEVER give her back to me. I had to make him believe that I was going to get back together with me. In order to prove him that he told me he had to get me pregnant. Obviously I didn't want to have anything with him, but I was forced to do it for the sake of getting my daughter in my arms so that I could find a possible way to freedom with her. He had me locked in a room, while his family had her somewhere hidden. I was actually grossed out by having sex with him because of the sircumstances I tried not to cry during. I felt raped. I just layed there.
The second time I tried to let him see her, with all his apologies,etc., he leterally took her all the way to the border of mexico threatening me that again, I will never see my daughter ever again. I didnt know what to do. I actually believed he wanted to work something out. That reason being is because I didnt want to take my daughter's father away from her. I felt selfish on my part. Again I couldnt do anything because we are stilled married and he is not technically stealing her from me. So I told him that I would get back together with him again. That day I he put me thru the most horrible experience I had ever been thru in my life. Almost killed me. Hit me, verbally attacked me, physically abused me. EMOTIONALY I felt DEAD INSIDE OF ME. I didnt think I would ever hold or see my daughter ever again that time. But after the abuse he put me thru, i held up. The last bid of strength i had just to not give up. I was going to get my daughter back no matter the consequences. And I did.
Ever since JANUARY OF 2007 he has not physically held his daughter. He has seen her in pictures and by distance, but I AM TRUAMATIZED and DO NOT WANT to go thru all of that ever again.
Now, I am still married to him because he has given me a hard time with a devorce. I dont have money to pay lawyers. I am the one asking for the divorce so I am the one who has to put in cash. That is why I have prolonged it. I finally found a lawyer whom will not charge at all for my divorce, but I have to wait because I am pregnant again. I have been with this man for bout a year already. We were friends before anything and we both had been thru our scare. Now we are together and my concern is my baby's birth certificate.
I have heard that since I am lawfully married I will have to go thru a lot of procedures to have my boyfriend's name on the birth certificate. My question is..What if I don't know anything bout my husband since '07? I dont talk to him, I dont look for him, I dont anything that has to do with him. I just want to live a happy life, get a divorce and try to forget about my past.
What do I do? By the way he isn't even an american citizen nor does he have a residency or a green card. He is from Mexico.
Can anyone give me advise?
