Ex will allow me relocate only if he relocates to the same county & I can never move

[noway]

I just went through a pretrial meeting with a judge who said there is nothing wrong with my request to relocate one county away in the same state with my 7 year old daughter. In fact my ex's lawyer told him that he would have no case if he wanted to pursue a nonjury trial AND the pretrial judge said that he would side with me and wrote a written recommendation in my favor to allow the move.

So now my ex's lawyer told my lawyer that his client will agree to the relocation under one condition:

My ex is also going to relocate to the county I am moving to, BUT if he does so, I will and cannot move in the future without the courts permission.

Some background, my ex (my daughters father) and I were never married.
He has been fighting relocation because he does not want to drive an extra 30 minutes to pick up his daughter on the weekends.

Can he use that as a stipulation and really halt me from moving in the future? I think it is ridiculous, in my opinion we should NOT HAVE TO approve or oppose him moving he can do what ever he wants but DO NOT stipulate us in the process...am I correct? Has anyone ever heard of this before?

 

[Gail_in_Georgia]

You could (if you wished), give your daughter to your ex. It's not you that he minds moving but rather his child.

And yes, he is likely to continue to contest any move you would make to take his daughter further away from him.

Gail

 

[Duranie]

I agree with Gail. You had the child out of wedlock so not being married has little to do with anything. Dad has the right to stop future moves. Why would you want to keep moving from county to county anyways? Geographic restrictions are very common, get used to it because the father does have some rights. Also if the dirving distance is an issue, why should Dad drive the extra distance? Have you offered to drive one way or meet in between?

Dads moving should have no impact on you since you appear to have custody and he does the driving anyways. If you are the one moving the child, the yes you can face restrictions.

 

[mightymoose]

My ex is also going to relocate to the county I am moving to, BUT if he does so, I will and cannot move in the future without the courts permission.

You have no control over whether he moves to the same county, that is his choice. Usually the orders require the other parent's consent or permission from the court to move out of county or state, which is why you are in court right now.... so what is it about his condition that is different from the situation right now?

I think you will find that as long as you have good reason to move (new job, more money, remarry) the ex will have little success in preventing you from doing anything. Requesting that you go through the court just legitimizes that you are not moving to the opposite end of the state just to avoid him and reduce his visitation.

 

[noway]

Why would you want to keep moving from county to county anyways? Geographic restrictions are very common, get used to it because the father does have some rights. Also if the diving distance is an issue, why should Dad drive the extra distance? Have you offered to drive one way or meet in between?

Dads moving should have no impact on you since you appear to have custody and he does the driving anyways. If you are the one moving the child, the yes you can face restrictions.

I have offered to drive her both ways, I have tried to accommodate him but he refused every offer. Also, when I filed for petition to relocate he came back and filed a counter suit for full custody. Then tried to prove me unfit and brought me to donovo (sp) court for a re-evaluation for child support. He is just a spiteful person with money and no 9-5 job, and does things, not for the best interest of his child but to spite me every chance he could. There are points and reasons to back this up which I will not go into here, but rest assured it is the truth.

As far as his moving, I am not approving or opposing his decision to move to our County. Whatever he decides he does not need my permission. He and his lawyer want in writing that we will not move if he moves. I just do not agree with that tactic, it's a control issue he has. We are not planning on moving out of this county, basically our daughter will start 2nd grade and finish high school here. That has always been our plan. My question here is, has anyone been on the receiving end of this tactic?

 

[noway]

You have no control over whether he moves to the same county, that is his choice. Usually the orders require the other parent's consent or permission from the court to move out of county or state, which is why you are in court right now.... so what is it about his condition that is different from the situation right now?

That is my point too he does not need my permission and it is his choice. I am not asking him to move, but he is putting conditions on me IF he moves here.

 

[mightymoose]

It sounds like you don't need to agree to anything. You aren't going too far away and you have made a very reasonable offer to provide transportation both ways... so he is not really missing anything. With you providing transportation both ways he is not losing any time and is not required to do anything different. Let them try to explain how that is unfair in court. He will just look unreasonable and spiteful. If you have a legitimate reason to be moving you will be allowed to, and it is very possible that his refusals of your more generous offers will leave him with a decision that requires him to meet you part way.