don't know

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mommyofjii

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can he do this really

First off thank you, whoever gives me advice. I am from Georgia, and I have a 7 year old daughter. She is illegitamate, her father has been in and out as he pleases which has never been much. He had a child support case for $35 a week and never complied with that. He was locked up one time for non payment had to pay $600 to get out. A second time had a warrant and payed $900 to get that off and $3000 to the state from where i had to recieve assistance. He has given her one Christmas present and one Birthday gift her whole life.

I recently turned off child support because we agreed that he would let my husband adopt her. Now out of the blue he has decided to legitimize her and try to get visitation. This has come about since he has a new girlfriend that he wants to marry and she thinks he should do this. This is the first we have heard from him in a year and a half, as he will come around for a few weeks and disappear for more than a year at a time.

Now heres the kicker. He has 4 other children who are currently in foster care with his mother, and have been for 4 years. He claims that he has recently had them legitimized, but I thought that if he had signed the birth certificate and they all have his last name they were all ready legit. His fiance has 4 kids also.

My question is, would the judge grant him visitation, or would he be considered unfit. I believe he is just doing this to impress the fiance.

thank you again for any advice.
 
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as a father, he has rights. So unfortunately unless you can prove that he is violent and should not be around the child, it is unlikely a judge will take his rights away unless he consents.

It's not the end of the world if he wants visitation, so you can certainly argue you want it supervised. You really should see an attorney.
 
what

so a judge is gonna look at a man who has 4 kids in foster care that the state is paying for .....and decide he is fit to visit my daughter. i don't understand that. The other kids are in foster care because him and the childrens mother got into a fight where he slung her across the kitchen floor in front of the kids and then she stabbed him in the arm...he left the kids there with the mother. They have been in state care for 4 years and he has done nothing to get them out of it.

would this not be enough evidence to show that he's a loser. why wouldn't it be the worst thing in the world if he got to visit. yeah i realize that i had sex with him and all that mess but my goodness that can't possibly be the excuse for all jerks to be apart of a childs life. especially after 7 years decide he's father of the year.

Also the fiance has a 15 year old son who's myspace page says if you put your hand in my pants you'll feel balls...and picture comments from his mother [the fiance] referring to him as a lil b@$#h and lil fu##er. The fiance has pictures on hers where she is constantly flipping off the camera and also has her children ages 10 and 12 flipping it off too. there are also pictures of her being drunk and hungover like she is proud of being irresponsible. would these things help.
 
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I can definately understand your situation. In my personal opinion you really need to seek the advice of an attorney. I am not one...However, In my opinion it sounds like he is not suited to raise a child, and I doubt the judge is going to give him more than visitation rights or supervised visitation if that. It's hard to tell and it all depends on the judge and what you and your lawyer can present at the hearing!!!
 
I'm sorry I just find it hard to believe that any judge would want my daughter around her "father". I'm mean I truly understand the arguement of he is the "father" and he has rights....well actually he has no rights in Ga until he establishes them but doesn't it come to the point where people prove themselves to be so absolutely worthless that the judge has to see that and know that a child should not be around them. IDK. I just don't understand.
 
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Why are these kids in foster care?

A judge will probably grant temp. visitation. Now, that could be supervised, un-supervised, or even overnight. Who knows. Depends upon what you come up with to convince the judge.

If its because he is poor, has no job, that is a different story. That in it's self would have little to do with visitation.
 
The advice on this board does not replace seeing an attorney. You need to see one. It's possible you can do an involuntary termination of rights if your husband adopts.

See an attorney.
 
[[[[
mommyofjii said:
The other kids are in foster care because him and the childrens mother got into a fight where he slung her across the kitchen floor in front of the kids and then she stabbed him in the arm...he left the kids there with the mother. They have been in state care for 4 years and he has done nothing to get them out of it. ]]]]




yeah i did say why it's 4 replies above your first response....never did i say he was poor. He has never even tried to get those kids out of foster care....to busy partying. he's not poor. just worthless.....and before you say it in one of my previous replies....i said yes i had sex with him and had a child.....that doesn't make the either of us worthy of a child...however, i have always been there for my daughter and he has NEVER been there.

and i didn't say no kids, between him and his fiance there are 8 kids, 4 (hers) that live with them, and 4 (his) live in foster care with his mom.

not trying to be rude to you, i appreciate the advice, but i did post why, you just didn't read all of the replies.
Click to expand...
 
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Leave it to a lawyer to tell you that you need an attorney. What a bunch of bull. Don't ever go to a lawyer unless it is your absolute last option. No lawyer will ever help you or care about your situation. They all just want money and couldn't care less about the quality of service you receive because they get paid either way. Make sure you do tons of personal research and never rely on a lawyer to tell you the truth. Most times they tell you the most nightmarish stories to keep you in fear and retain their services. There's a reason why there a million lawyer jokes; they're all true.
 
thanks but where my children are concerned i prefer to have advice from experience. I can't chance screwing this up.
 
Sure, the judge may give some visitation.

You may have abandonment issues here. How long had he gone without paying child support and visitation? YOu said he's been in and out.

You can look at child abandonment for your state, and see if he has done that. If so, you could file a petition with the court.

Does he have a lawyer? Can he afford one?
 
He does come in and out. The last child support payment I received was November 8 for $50. We agreed that I cut off child support and he signs the adoption papers, (we did this in March 2007). I continued to recieve some monies because of his arrears. He said that he decided to take a break from paying child support.

The last time he came over was the first weekend in January. He told my daughter that he was going to bring her a trampoline for her birthday (from Feb.2007 when he first promised her one) and Christmas. Then he decided that he wasn't going to get her one. Which was fine. My husband decided to go ahead and buy her one. But January was the first time we had seen or heard from him in about a year and a half. He hasn't called again since I told him it was upsetting my daughter with him coming for a short time and going for a long time. That was about January 15.

I don't know if he has the money for a lawyer or not. He says he's working 2 jobs right now and fiance cleans houses. But I never know if he's being honest or not. Like I said, he has the 4 in foster care and fiance has 4 living with them. I think it would be hard for them to afford much of anything.

So the abandonment thing, would that be helpful in my adoption case. I don't want anything from biodad. Just for him to leave us alone. I gave him hundreds of chances and all but pushed my daughter on him. He has always just been too busy worrying about himself. He's just now in this past year started visiting the kids in foster care.

thank you again for all your help. Let me know if I left anything out.
 
I doubt you have abandonment issues. Usually, it's six moths plus of not paying, and no visitations.

Have you attempted to get an adoption package from your state? I would start that. If he's got money, let him fight that, if you lose, then fight custody.

I think you are setting very well, but, don't let things go by. If nothing is filed against you, it is a good time to file your stuff!!

I sent you a pm with more info.
 
I understand your concerns- truly, I do.
I posted a reply to the mother whose 12 year old wants to live with his Dad.
I said that my 12 and 13 year old had gone to live with their Dad. Your reply about me was that I did not want the hassle of dealing with them.

I have been to court (Fulton County , Ga) 44 times! I have been before 8 judges mulitple times each over the past 8 years. I have spent an ENORMOUS amount in attorney's fees.
The system is broken!! I agree with your statement that there will be mayhem if kids can decide where to live . Children do not have the capacity to make good, mature decisions. There is no law against a Dad (or Mom) making promises of gifts (bribing) - which my ex has done.
My ex was arressted years back for beating my youngest son. He was not permitted to see either of them for a little over a year. Then it was supervised (briefly). He has had regular visitation since then for the last 5-6 years. He has NEVER followed court orders and I have repeatedly had to take him to court. spending lots of money to get what they had already ordered him to do. He has never been held in contempt. In fact he has taken 2 contempts of court by speaker phone!!! seriously - I file a very legitamate contempt and show up for our court hearing only to be ushered back to a conference room where the judge looks at me and says " Mr. ****** will be joining us by speaker phone". OK, so how serious do you think he takes a contempt of court hearing when he is permitted to not show up and just talk on speaker phone? He scoffs at the law and they have fully allowed it.
When he wanted custody of the boys - of course I fought it. Not on the basis that the boys shouldn't have their Dad in their life but on the basis that I know the enviroment that they would be in and things (illegal, manipulative, non moral) that he would be teaching (by example to them).
I hired another attorney $$$$ asked that a guardian ad litem be appointed

The judge asked that she speak with the child.
I take him to court, he spends 7 minutes with the Judge telling her he would like to go live with Dad- she decides it and that afternoon he packs his stuff and leaves with Dad. My other son goes the next month.

You may think so maybe they have it bad at my house.
Not even close.

The Dad has made promises that I cannot compete with -

The boys do not fully understand the background their Dad has as I do not talk with them about all the trips to court. I have made sure that they were always fed well and had their needs met so they have not been effected - like I have by the non compliance of their Dad.

I love my boys deeply - I am now the NCP and see them only every other weekend. It feels that I have an empty nest to soon.
I have done all I can do - I have an extreme case with the courts. No one I talk to can believe it. I have written authorities but honestly it is not important to anyone unless it were their own case. And I agree with the guy who writes about attorneys - it is only about the money.
I now have faith that by spending time with their Dad that they will see truth.
If I suspect any physical abuse I will step in - the emotional abuse the courts do not involve themselves in- I can only pray for the boys hearts and minds to be guarded - I have given them a strong foundation.
 
well then seas I appologize...in the post I replied on, the way you explained things sounded exactly as I responded. Like how you spoke about the silver lining. Here I'll repost your reply:::::

[[[[[My son just went to live with his Dad last week. He turned 12 two weeks ago. My other son (his brother) is 13 and went to live with him a couple of months ago. I am not an attorney but I think the law in Ga was that they had to be 14 but the courts will consider the child's wishes. Both of them signed affidavits at their Dad's house saying that they wanted to live with him. I took them to a PHD (as a 3rd party) to make sure that was their choice. They told him their Dad had promised to buy them certain things if they came to live with him. I also have a son that is a sophmore in college that I raised exclusively on my own. It wasn't easy. So unless the Dad is just really aweful /unsafe etc... you may want to just go with the change. If the child really wants to go and you fight it then you just have a resentful middle schooler/ teenager on your hands. He knows who his mom is and the time you spend together will be less but can be very precious too. Just be there when he needs you. I call my boys just a couple times a week. I give them space and they KNOW I care for them. I have started taking them out to dinner a couple times a month in addition to the visits I have every other weekend. Teenage boys can be difficult - you can choose to see this as a sad time but it can have a silver lining.]]]]]]]







I'm sorry for all your troubles and wish you and your children the best.
 
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