Don't know what to do.

[JMiller2009]

My husband and I are going through a rough time right now. I suggested that we take a break for a few days for us both to cool off and re-evaluate our relationship. He told me that was fine but I was not taking our 2 year old daughter with me, and if I did take her that I would regret it. I am not an unfit mother by any means, if anything he is the unfit father. He never takes care of her and she doesn't even want to be left alone with him. If I leave to go to the grocery store she pitches a fit if I leave her there. So I guess my real question is: If I leave and take my daughter can he come back and take her away from me in court on that basis? And what are my rights being a mother who wants to leave but doesn't want to leave my child behind?

 

[jharris352]

You have just as much right to that child as he does and he has no right to threaten you. Take the child and leave him a note that you will be back, with the child in a few days. File for divorce and injunctive relief to keep the child away from him until this can be sorted out. I would be careful, he may hurt you or the child and I don't want to see you in the news.

 

[luvstexas]

You have just as much right to that child as he does and he has no right to threaten you. Take the child and leave him a note that you will be back, with the child in a few days. File for divorce and injunctive relief to keep the child away from him until this can be sorted out. I would be careful, he may hurt you or the child and I don't want to see you in the news.

Wait, is it clearly headed for divorce or is she just wanting a few days vacation from dad to think about things? Won't she need a reason to keep the father away from his daughter? Mom will have to give a good reason why he can't see his own child. Otherwise, wherever she goes, Dad can come scoop up his child and totally be within his rights. Since they're married, it works both ways...

OP, you do not get to unilaterally decide to remove the child from the marital home.
Have there been any domestic violence issues or is that just that YOU don't want to leave your daughter with Dad? Maybe YOU need sometime to cool off and clear your head?
Also, be careful about using the word unfit...only a court decides when a parent is unfit. And if you really think that he is, be prepared to answer to a judge why you chose this man to be the father of your child.

 

[jharris352]

The Mother and Father have custody of the child. As long as the Mother leaves for a SHORT period of time, does not leave the state, and leaves a note telling the Father she has the child, there is no interference with custody. I would suggest she file for divorce because I see threatening, and manipulation in the relationship. These are major danger signs. If you disagree then by all means go back to him but be careful.

 

[luvstexas]

The Mother and Father have custody of the child. As long as the Mother leaves for a SHORT period of time, does not leave the state, and leaves a note telling the Father she has the child, there is no interference with custody. I would suggest she file for divorce because I see threatening, and manipulation in the relationship. These are major danger signs. If you disagree then by all means go back to him but be careful.

Yeah that's why I ask if there had ever been any domestic violence. And not just her word against his...she'd need police reports at least to prove them.

OP, maybe marital counseling if you two aren't ready to throw in the towel. But if you are, please don't stick your child in the middle because you think you're the better parent. Dad has every right to be with his child as you do.

 

[JMiller2009]

I don't know if I am ready for a divorce or not, just depends on the day. He has never hit me or her. He does have a very bad temper, very bad but has never raised a hand to us. And I don't want to keep her from him if it comes to that point. All I want to do is just go to my mother's house or even his mother's house for 2 or 3 days just to give us both time. His mother is the one that keeps her while we are at work. But I will not leave her behind. He use to be a PI who specialized in custody cases so I am terrified that he will take my child away. His family is very well known in the town that we live in, we have custody of his son from a previous relationship. He has power and connections in that town, that I don't have. I saw what he did to get custody of his son, and even though I am nothing like my step-son's mother, I am still scared that his buddies will help him even though it would not be in the best interest of the child.

 

[luvstexas]

I don't know if I am ready for a divorce or not, just depends on the day. He has never hit me or her. He does have a very bad temper, very bad but has never raised a hand to us. And I don't want to keep her from him if it comes to that point. All I want to do is just go to my mother's house or even his mother's house for 2 or 3 days just to give us both time. His mother is the one that keeps her while we are at work. But I will not leave her behind. He use to be a PI who specialized in custody cases so I am terrified that he will take my child away. His family is very well known in the town that we live in, we have custody of his son from a previous relationship. He has power and connections in that town, that I don't have. I saw what he did to get custody of his son, and even though I am nothing like my step-son's mother, I am still scared that his buddies will help him even though it would not be in the best interest of the child.

None of this means he will be a danger to his daughter. Sorry. If you want to leave, you have the right to go anywhere you want. But he has as much say about where his daughter stays as you do. If you know he's not a bad dad, take some time to clear your head and think about what best for you and your family.

It doesn't matter what he 'did' to get custody of his other son...you obviously thought he was alright when you decided to marry him and have a baby. Do you see where I'm going with this? A judge is not going to buy that excuse. If you do head for divorce, prepare to have dealings with this man until your child is 18.

 

[Duranie]

Until a court says otherwise both of you have full rights to the child. So yes you can leave with the child for a few days but Dad of course is free to try and make your life miserable. How far away does your mother live? Should you get a divorce, realzie you very likely are not going to be able to move far away with the child. Dad does have rights. I suggest you both sit down and see if you can agree on anything.