Dead beat dad trying to get back in the picture

[mikeg872014]

Ok to make a long story short.I have been with my girlfriend for 9 years, she has 2 boys (13 & 11).the boys biological father has a prison record about a mile long, for just about everything, mostly drugs.he was very abusive to her when they were together.never even tried to make an effort to be there for the boys.just about 3 months ago he shows up and wants to start helping (with $ and to start trying to be apart of their lives).we told him when they are ready and want to see him then we will discuss it.anyways my gurl is locked up for some stupid crap...he show up at my door and says"I want them to spend the night wednesday so have them an overnight bag ready, I have called around and there is nothing that says I cant see them".my question is can he take them if I tell him no? They r on my tax return and my gurl and I r married in the IRS eyes.but can he legally take them from me because he is their biological father? My gurl is afraid that he will take off with them..
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME INFO... THANK YOU

 

[army judge]

Ok to make a long story short.I have been with my girlfriend for 9 years, she has 2 boys (13 & 11).the boys biological father has a prison record about a mile long, for just about everything, mostly drugs.he was very abusive to her when they were together.never even tried to make an effort to be there for the boys.just about 3 months ago he shows up and wants to start helping (with $ and to start trying to be apart of their lives).we told him when they are ready and want to see him then we will discuss it.anyways my gurl is locked up for some stupid crap...he show up at my door and says"I want them to spend the night wednesday so have them an overnight bag ready, I have called around and there is nothing that says I cant see them".my question is can he take them if I tell him no? They r on my tax return and my gurl and I r married in the IRS eyes.but can he legally take them from me because he is their biological father? My gurl is afraid that he will take off with them..
CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME SOME INFO... THANK YOU

The question you might want to ask yourself is what legal right do have to be their guardian?

Unless you have a court order to the contrary, his rights are superior to yours.

You, sir, are but a legal stranger to those children.

The law will rarely take note of his criminal record, insofar as an indication that he'll be a poor parent.

He is, or he isn't a parent.

In this case, he is, and you aren't.

With your wife away, for whatever reason, he could pursue legal action and attempt to enforce his paternal rights.

I suggest you simply NOT answer the door and avoid contact with this man until their mother returns.

In fact, if nothing prohibits it, you might want to take the kids and stay with a friend or relative until their mother gets released from confinement.

If their mother is going to be locked up for more than another two to three week, you should ask her what she wants you to do with the kids.

As you have no standing in this matter, her mother, father, siblings might be better placed to care for them with OLD BOY sniffing around.

Finally, if he goes to CPS/DFCS (whatever child services is called in your state), ho could make trouble for her.

I'm not saying he can or he will, but as long as she's locked up in the hoosegow, and OLD BOY is sniffing about, things could get worse.

 

[mikeg872014]

Ok thank you.thats wat I was thinking I should do..thanks

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[shrinkmaster]

I understand how you feel but you have no dog in this fight. As told above you are a "legal Stranger" in this. Your rights don't exist. You can be a very caring and loving step parent but that has no legal standing nor does it give you any parental rights

 

[mikeg872014]

What if she signs custody over to me? Is that possible? Would that do any good? Or does he still have more say in wether he sees them?

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[army judge]

What if she signs custody over to me? Is that possible? Would that do any good? Or does he still have more say in wether he sees them?

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Children aren't chattel, or personal property.
She can't sign custody over to you.

She could give you a notarized document purporting to give you temporary custody.
That document would be meaningless.
She has to go to court to seek a court order to give you or anyone temporary custody.

Unless OLD BOY (bio dad) is her FORMER husband, he is stymied, too.
OLD BOY, otherwise, has no rights unless he goes to court to establish his paternity and seek custody/visitation.

I suggest you get this sorted.
Otherwise, CPS could come sniffing around, too.
A mother in jail, her kids left with a boyfriend, that's the stuff CPS doesn't just feed on, they FEAST on it!!!!

When will mother get out?

 

[mikeg872014]

I ment temporary custody. And yes it is her ex husband.but basically he abandoned them and wasent around at all for the past 11 years.they went to child support court cuz the state made her finally. She didnt want child support cuz she dosent want anything to do with him, and not to mention he broke.I know rhat dosent matter but thats wat happened.she goes to jury trial on the 25th.if found guilty its 2 years state jail (max)

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[army judge]

I ment temporary custody. And yes it is her ex husband.but basically he abandoned them and wasent around at all for the past 11 years.they went to child support court cuz the state made her finally. She didnt want child support cuz she dosent want anything to do with him, and not to mention he broke.I know rhat dosent matter but thats wat happened.she goes to jury trial on the 25th.if found guilty its 2 years state jail (max)

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She has a big problem.
As their LEGAL dad (her former husband), his rights superior to all, except perhaps his former wife, your GF.

You need to speak to her about this.
You can't keep those kids indefinitely away from their dad.
You need to find out what she wants, otherwise they'll end up in the system, unless a CLOSE relative is allowed to care for them under the auspices of CPS.

For the next few days, assuming you can, lay low.
With school starting, make sure the kids don't miss much school because of this.
That only makes things worse for mom and the kids.
Make sure the kids are fed, kept clean, attend school, taken care if, made to feel safe and loved.
Brother, you've got a very big pickle on your hands.

Man, I feel for you, but especially the kids.

I sure hope some of our other family law posters show up.
They might have some better ideas, they usually do.

 

[mikeg872014]

Ya tell me about it.im not keeping them away from him.but I dont think they should go spend the night with him if they dont want to.on top of everything, he is the kind of person that everyone is afraid that he will take the kids and run.thats wat their mother is afraid of and thats wat all their aunts uncles and grandparents r afraid of.

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[mikeg872014]

I cant bring myself to make them go with him if they dont want to.I told him the same thing.when they r ready and decide they wanna go overnight with him then fine.but im not gonna make a 13 and 11 year old go with someone they have only known for a few months if they dont wanna go.

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[shrinkmaster]

You have no legal say so in this matter.

 

[Proserpina]

I'm not convinced the message is actually getting across so, if I may...

If there is a court order, that court order is to be followed right up until the court makes a new order. If the kids don't like it, well, that's a shame - but Mom really should have done something about things about 10 years ago. This situation is the exact reason we encourage parents to actually DO SOMETHING about an absent parent.

What's worse Mike, is that this places you in the unenviable position of having to keep out of it. You say you're not going to make them go? Yes, you are. Because to do otherwise you're not just going to piss off Dad (at Mom's expense), but you're asking for the court to make damn sure they DO go to overnights - even when forced. If it happens often enough the court can punish Mom by making her the visiting parent.

Think it doesn't happen? Think again.

Now with regards to you having custody, no that's not how it works. Mom can't trump Dad by assigning you rights in the meantime.

So here's what I think the best plan will be:

Ideally she needs an attorney like...tomorrow morning. They need to discuss getting to court IMMEDIATELY to revise the current order. This is not an ex parte matter in my eyes, but the attorney will know the local climate of the court and might see it differently. She needs to discuss a "reintroduction" process where Dad starts out with frequent, short visits and then leads up to overnights, full weekends, the whole gamut.

She also needs to own her part in this - with you and her basically telling him "no", when Dad actually had the right to take them, you've awoken the monster.

If Dad wants regular contact, it's going to happen.

 

[army judge]

Hi, Pro, happy to see you dropped in to help Mike.

Pro, the bigger problem for Mike, is that mom's in the county hoosegow.
She's facing a state jail felony trial on the 25th.
She's been locked up for several weeks, as far as I can gather.
Mike has kept things together, to his credit.

Seeing an attorney is a great idea, but with mom's criminal issues keeping her away from the family, I'm not sure they have the funds to work through this with an attorney.

If CPS gets wind of this, and with an angry bio-dad, recently released from prison by the way; I'm sure CPS will hear about this.

The kids probably need counseling, no matter what happens, because mom could be locked up for two more years.

This one is a heart breaker, and Mike seems like a great guy.

Any additional input or insight?

I'm considering contacting an attorney friend in Harris County, which is where I believe mom is being held.

If she can't help, what other ideas might you have?

I can't imagine what those little kids are enduring. Damn..

 

[Proserpina]

Oh jeez - I completely and utterly missed that bit. I'm sorry folks.

If Mom is currently incarcerated, then Mike has absolutely NO RIGHT to refuse Dad. Even if. If Mike refuses Dad access, local police CAN get involved because custody is between Mom and Dad, and Mom, Dad and Mike and Mike would effectively be kidnapping the kids.

But I need to know why Mom is in the Four Bar Hotel, and for how long, before I can go any further.

 

[disagreeable]

All dad needs to do apparently is show up with the police and take his children.

 

[army judge]

All dad needs to do apparently is show up with the police and take his children.

We don't know, Dis, because mom is an unwilling guest at county jail.
The answers to SOME of these questions are probably buried in the divorce decree.

 

[mikeg872014]

Thank u army judge for giving a crap.shesbnot in harris.she is in Dewitt county.I know I have no legal say at all when it comes to the kids.its just hard because I have been with them for almost 10 years.and to them I am their dad.but I know that bio father is always gonna have say in weather he sees them or not.THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR HELPING ME OUT!

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