Dating through divorce process....please help

[OhioAO]

A few months ago, I caught my wife with another man. I then found out the affair had been going on since the beginning of this year. She moved out 2.5 months ago and is still with the man that she was having an affair with. We alternate weeks with our daughter and we had planned on the "Do-it-yourself" divorce kit. Things have changed since and we are going through the courts with attorneys and all. I few weeks ago, I met a beautiful young lady and we have since been seeing each other on frequent occasions. Is it ok for me to date even though I am still legally married? In court will me dating negate the fact that my wife is with the man she was having an affair with? (I am going for full custody due to some psychiatric issue on her end)

My wife is bringing him around my daughter and I am not comfortable with that as I do not know how he is with my daughter. Now here is the kicker, the young lady I am seeing is my daughters old daycare teacher and my daughters favorite teacher at her daycare. She still works there and still sees my daughter everyday. Should I be dating her or should I wait until the divorce is final? If dating is ok, is it ok to bring her around my daughter outside of daycare or 1) will that just confuse my daughter? 2) can it be used against me in the "Custody Battle"????

I hope this makes sense and somebody can give me some advice!!!!

Thanks!

 

[jacksgal]

It is probably unwise to introduce your new fling to your child. There is no law that restrict one from dating while dealing with Divorce. If you want o use the new BF as issue for custody then you must keep your new friend away from your child. Instead of asking unknown person on an internet message board discuss this with your Attorney. On a personal note I think its wrong to introduce your new "friends" so soon to your child

 

[irish223]

If your lawyer plans to bring up your wife's relationship in court, then yours would be fair game too. Not a good idea at this time.

As for your daughter, try to put yourself in her place. She's going through a lot right now. It's a very traumatic time for her, and she needs to know that she is a priority to one of her parents. Three months is much too soon to introduce a new relationship, even if your daughter knows your girlfriend, IMO.


ETA: Obviously, I agree with Jacksgal... I just don't compose as quickly!

 

[kodiakyoshi]

I have been in your position. I will tell you what I learned from my experience. I live in Illinois and adultery does not count in the court of law. It is also damn near impossible to prove her an unfit mother. There is nothing wrong with introducing another woman into your daughters life. But.....You better believe in your heart it is something that will last. And this woman better treat your daughter like her own but not try to take her mothers place. I made a year long mistake with a woman I was with and it hurt my boy who I have custody of. He has since recovered from my relationship with her. On the bright side I have since met a wonderful gal with children and we have married and had a child of our own. It can be a mess but remember this, you have to put your daughters feelings before your own. It may seem unfair at times but it will all work out in time. Your daughter comes first at ALL costs. Remember I don't know all the details of your situation but all in all, follow your heart. Do what YOU think is right. Hope this helps. Have a good day.

 

[jharris352]

New people in your children's life

First, there is nothing wrong with you "dating" during the divorce. Your initial separation papers should give you some guidance. Secondly, and I have had to deal with this, you will NEVER like your soon-to-be-ex-wife's choice in boyfriends being around your daughter. Get use to it.

Good luck on getting custody. It's nearly impossible for a man to do with a young child. You have to show that she has psychological problems, that are untreated and/or render her unfit to be a parent. Like the other poster said, "almost impossible."

As for introducing your new "fling" to your daughter, Just don't. Children don't need to go through that sort of bonding and breaking up. It will be especially confusing for your child because she is her daycare teacher. There are probably some rules she is breaking at work too. When and if you have a significant relationship with this woman and your divorce is final, and you think she is going to be PERMANENT then you can let your child in on your relationship.

Think about the child, not the convenience of having your new girl at the house.