Custody with a twist

[rnransom]

Me and my husband have a 3 year old little girl. I know that I could win custody of our daughter because he has a sporadic work history, addicted to marijuana, a DUI, currently carrying on a romantic relationship with his first cousin(which is the cause of of our divorce), and they(both him and the cousin) lives with his mother.

However the twist is due to a legal issue I may have to go away for a time and in the event that this happens I want my oldest daughter to have custody of my kids. She's 22, mother of a 2 year old son, she's held a steady job(sometimes 2) for the past 2 years, attends college and has a 3.8 GPA. I plan on giving her power of attorney in the event I do have to go away but I want to know how do I transfer to her my parental rights so in the event that my husband attempts to gain custody she could fight as if she were me. I am currently sending my baby girl to PA with my until I can determin how to handle this situation.

 

[seniorjudge]

What is your legal question for us?

 

[Duranie]

Short answer-you can't. You cannot expect to sidestep dad and assign guardianship over to him. By the way, I am not sure what state you are in but sole custody does not mean Dad has no rights, and what you listed does not necessarily mean a slam dunk for sole, especailly if Dad fights it. If we took custody away just because of a DUI, the many parents would have no custody. Can you prove his drug use?

You need to consult with an attorney but there is no guarantee that you'll get sole. Even if you do, Dad will still have rights to unsupervised visits and you cannot assign guardianship to someone else whe he is the other parent.

 

[rnransom]

Side stepping him is not how I would put it. He is carrying on a romantic relationship with his first cousin. Yes I can prove drug use with a simple test. And I would request and pay for a hair follicle test if need be and it would definitely come back positive. A DUI is only a drop in the bucket, his license is suspended, he's severly behind in child support for his other child. He has no home of his own. His lifestyle and life choices are not beneficial for our daughter.
My question is that since there is no custody order in effect can I send my daughter to live with my older daughter until a coustody order is in place. Also if I send my daughter to PA can I then file for custody in a PA court. Although you may feel it's not a slam dunk case I beg to differ. I can't see any judge in North Carolina willing to place a child in that environment just because he is her father.

 

[Scooterdog]

Me and my husband have a 3 year old little girl. I know that I could win custody of our daughter because he has a sporadic work history, addicted to marijuana, a DUI, currently carrying on a romantic relationship with his first cousin(which is the cause of of our divorce), and they(both him and the cousin) lives with his mother.

You certainly have alot to prove in a court of law with those kinds of accusations.

I don't know where work will come into play. Maybe, but I wouldn't bet on it.
The DUI isn't much either. Unless the child was in the car, that would be different. Anything you draw from the DUI is pure speculation.

I doubt your husband is "addicted" to marijauna, and don't think you'll find a lawyer to ever come close to winning that arguement. The Marijuana is the same as the DUI, unless he's smoking it right there in the house with the girl, you don't have much.

A drug test isn't going to happen, you can try, but I don't see a judge doing that over hearsay alone.

I would think having a relationship with his first cousin would be a crime. If it is, you could report him, and that would cause him problems.

Parental rights may not be terminated without "clear and convincing evidence."SANTOSKY V. KRAMER, 102 S.Ct. 1388 (1982)

 

[Duranie]

Dad is dad and you thought he was good enough to have a baby with. He has far more rights than your elder daughter. Just because you do not like Dad's lifestyle doesn't mean he is totally unfit. If you place that child with your daughter, if I were Dad, I would go get the child. The child belongs to him too and you cannot assign guardianship of a child to someone else other than the parent. Child support and visitation/parental rights are totally seperate. The court is still going to recognize him as the Dad.

 

[rnransom]

You certainly have alot to prove in a court of law with those kinds of accusations.

I don't know where work will come into play. Maybe, but I wouldn't bet on it.
The DUI isn't much either. Unless the child was in the car, that would be different. Anything you draw from the DUI is pure speculation.

I doubt your husband is "addicted" to marijauna, and don't think you'll find a lawyer to ever come close to winning that arguement. The Marijuana is the same as the DUI, unless he's smoking it right there in the house with the girl, you don't have much.

A drug test isn't going to happen, you can try, but I don't see a judge doing that over hearsay alone.

I would think having a relationship with his first cousin would be a crime. If it is, you could report him, and that would cause him problems.

Parental rights may not be terminated without "clear and convincing evidence."SANTOSKY V. KRAMER, 102 S.Ct. 1388 (1982)

Are you saying I couldn't request a drug test to prove my accusations and also he failed a drug test for employment wouldn't I be able to use that info. I lived with the man for 4 years and he smoked on a daily basis so I consider that addicted. Her parents did turn them into the police when they were in NY and they said it wasn't worth their time. They came down here and the parents again called the police and got no response. When I was throwing both him and her out I told the police and besides a look of disgust there was not other response. I have evidence of the relationship and I am continuing to obtain more daily so I will have no problems proving that in court.

 

[rnransom]

Duraine although I agree with you about I thought he was good enough to make him a dad when I had our daughter. However I did not anticipate his immoralistic behavior to come into play. I did not anticipate him to manipulate to bring move in his cousin/mistress into our home so they could carry on a relationship under my nose. I did not anticipate we were not going to be raising her as a family. What I do know now that I have obtained an actual lawyer is that with no custody order on file I can move and take my daughter anywhere I want and in order for him to exercise custody he will have to know where I am to serve me. I WILL NOT ALLOW MY DAUGHTER TO PARTICIPATE IN AN UNMORALIST AND SICK ATMOSPHERE. TO ALLOW THAT WOULD BE LIKE CONDONING IT AND I WILL NOT BE A PARTY TO MY DAUGHTER SEEING THAT RELATIONSHIP AND THINKING IT NORMAL. With that said I thank you for your advice but I have to go with a mothers gut rather than legal advice from someone who is not an attorney.

 

[rnransom]

Also for your future reference in the state of NC and PA with an acusation of drug use the courst always mandate a drug test. This test isn't enough to terminate parental rights but it is enough to get supervised visitation.

 

[Scooterdog]

Also for your future reference in the state of NC and PA with an acusation of drug use the courst always mandate a drug test. This test isn't enough to terminate parental rights but it is enough to get supervised visitation.

I don't see how. That is a blatent violation of your constitutional rights. Cops can't even do it on "hearsay". God I would love for a judge to try that on me. You can request a test, but it wouldn't be a real judge who said "yes" to it. The constitution prevents such things.

Again, it would be a waste of time even if they would test. We're not talking crack, we are talking weed. I smoke every day and it sure had no affect(it actually pissed the judge off when she brought it up) on me obtaining full custody.

Just because someone drinks, or smoke a little weed, is not a reason backed by any law to terminate rights. Not saying it doesn't happen, felony's are committed every day in our courts by judges, police, prosecuters, defense attorneys, etc.../But, even if a person has a little legal knowhow, that test will never happen. And the results mean even less. All it would show is the "possibility" that something was there. Believe me, I've been around drug testing for more than 13 years, (including hair folical) and its all bs. People fail for two reasons 1-they have shit for brains, 2-wanted to fail. Drug test's are bs and prove nothing.

Your best bomb is the relationship. If they were born in the same town, you could access those records, and build a family tree. Drop that in the judges lap, see what happens. 1st cousins is so close to incest, that you may be able to get supervised visits.

But, this still leaves you with the problem of his decision making as dad, and that is one heck of a hurdle to overcome. People in prison still have parental rights. The court can't terminate those rights because someone is a drunk, smoke a lil reefer, those would be considered more of a sickness, and it is the judges first duty to protect the childs best interests, which the best interest would be to get dad help so he can be a better parent.

 

[rnransom]

I agree with you about weed smoking doesn't determine parental skills I am the child of an avid weed smoker and I am college educated productive citizen. They were born in the same town and I have affidavits signed by her parents saying that they left NY because of the talk of their relationship and that their daughter said that she didn't see why they were so upset about it. I have also started a communication with the girl with her thinking I am someone else and in those conversations she gives me her address and says she is living with her boyfried and some older roommates meaning his mother and grandmother. Admitted to an abortion. I have saved all of these correspondences.

I just don't want my daughter in an environment where she will think it's ok for cousins to act like boyfriend/girlfriend. And I also now have doubts about his lack of judgement. If somehow he made it ok to carry on a relationship with his cousin then what other lacks of judement could come into play in regard to our daughter. Also my legal service said that I could suggest to the judge that both parents subject themselves to drug testing and the parent that refused would not be in good light to the judge. And I am in a small town in NC and you wouldn't believe the things that are allowed in the courst system here. I have sat through traffic court with my ex several times which is combined with I guess you would call it misdeamanor court and I have witnessed many things I would consider illegal and unconstitutional. They just haven't hit 60 minutes yet.