Hi. I am in New Jersey.
I had joint (legal & physical) custody with my daughter's dad for the last 5+ years. In the last 3 years he had problems with drug abuse, and had gone into rehab less then 2 years ago for addiction to oxycontin (also marijuana), but was there mainly for the oxycontin addiction. At the time, I SHOULD have filed for a modification back then, but he voluntarily sent himself to rehab, which I thought was good on his part. I did not know he was doing oxycontin until he told me, right before he was about to go.
He came out of rehab and was doing fine, going to meetings, etc. Shortly after, I let him stay with me temporarily until he could save up for his own apt. Well, I thought I was helping him, but then he started doing drugs again. Also, instead of taking our daughter for his visitation time, he would send her to his mom's house, and just go over to visit her for a few hours each night, sometimes only one or two nights. There was no reason for this, since he was living with me anyway, our daughter should have been staying with us ALL THE TIME since we had JOINT custody. It all became a very awkward situation - I wasn't sure how to handle this aspect, I knew she should be with us the whole time cuz we had joint, but I didn't want it to somehow appear that I wasn't allowing him visitation by not letting her to go his mom's. I KNOW it was really stupid on my part, I just didnt' know how to handle the situation at the time.
I finally found proof that he was abusing drugs again, in my house, I had found empty drug bags piled up underneath the couch cushions where he would sleep. Also heard him on the phone with his 'boy' to get weed, coke, and pills. So I kicked him out and went to file for sole custody (full legal and physical) but cannot afford a lawyer so filed on my own. I requested sole custody and for him to have supervised visitation 2 nights per week, for a few hours each. We went to court a few weeks ago and I was *initially* denied, but only pending the results of his drug test. The judge ordered that if he failed the drug test, she would reconsider my petition. He did take the drug test. I was never told directly that he failed, but we were told we need to come back ASAP. We now have a court date for next week. I have to assume that he failed or we would not be going back.
I have done a lot of reading around regarding sole custody and have found that it is VERY hard to get. I don't know if his ongoing drug problem is enough to grant temporary sole custody. Can anyone provide feedback on that issue? Assuming he failed the drug test, that is at least some proof. On top of that, he has taken no responsibility or care for our daughter in at least the last 3 years. He sends her to his mom's THE WHOLE TIME, not as child care or a babysitter so he can work or anything like that. I do not know how to 'prove' that other than my own testimony from when he stayed with me.
After doing some thinking, I have decided I would be ok with supervised visitation by his mom from Saturday to Sunday (overnight). That is what he has been doing the last few weeks anyway due to his work schedule, so our daughter would already be used to it. He works 2 jobs now and would not really have any other time to visit her. I think he should have to go through drug counseling, at least for 6 months, with drug tests. Once he completes that, then we could go back to court and work out more visitation. (But then that is up to the judge to decide...)
What do you think the chances of sole custody are? I def. have the proof of his drug abuse now, but it is hard to 'prove' that over the last 3 years he has not been the one caring for our daughter on his visitation time, it's been his mom. He does nothing to take care of her everyday needs. Indirectly, I think that is neglect if we were supposed to have joint custody.
I had joint (legal & physical) custody with my daughter's dad for the last 5+ years. In the last 3 years he had problems with drug abuse, and had gone into rehab less then 2 years ago for addiction to oxycontin (also marijuana), but was there mainly for the oxycontin addiction. At the time, I SHOULD have filed for a modification back then, but he voluntarily sent himself to rehab, which I thought was good on his part. I did not know he was doing oxycontin until he told me, right before he was about to go.
He came out of rehab and was doing fine, going to meetings, etc. Shortly after, I let him stay with me temporarily until he could save up for his own apt. Well, I thought I was helping him, but then he started doing drugs again. Also, instead of taking our daughter for his visitation time, he would send her to his mom's house, and just go over to visit her for a few hours each night, sometimes only one or two nights. There was no reason for this, since he was living with me anyway, our daughter should have been staying with us ALL THE TIME since we had JOINT custody. It all became a very awkward situation - I wasn't sure how to handle this aspect, I knew she should be with us the whole time cuz we had joint, but I didn't want it to somehow appear that I wasn't allowing him visitation by not letting her to go his mom's. I KNOW it was really stupid on my part, I just didnt' know how to handle the situation at the time.
I finally found proof that he was abusing drugs again, in my house, I had found empty drug bags piled up underneath the couch cushions where he would sleep. Also heard him on the phone with his 'boy' to get weed, coke, and pills. So I kicked him out and went to file for sole custody (full legal and physical) but cannot afford a lawyer so filed on my own. I requested sole custody and for him to have supervised visitation 2 nights per week, for a few hours each. We went to court a few weeks ago and I was *initially* denied, but only pending the results of his drug test. The judge ordered that if he failed the drug test, she would reconsider my petition. He did take the drug test. I was never told directly that he failed, but we were told we need to come back ASAP. We now have a court date for next week. I have to assume that he failed or we would not be going back.
I have done a lot of reading around regarding sole custody and have found that it is VERY hard to get. I don't know if his ongoing drug problem is enough to grant temporary sole custody. Can anyone provide feedback on that issue? Assuming he failed the drug test, that is at least some proof. On top of that, he has taken no responsibility or care for our daughter in at least the last 3 years. He sends her to his mom's THE WHOLE TIME, not as child care or a babysitter so he can work or anything like that. I do not know how to 'prove' that other than my own testimony from when he stayed with me.
After doing some thinking, I have decided I would be ok with supervised visitation by his mom from Saturday to Sunday (overnight). That is what he has been doing the last few weeks anyway due to his work schedule, so our daughter would already be used to it. He works 2 jobs now and would not really have any other time to visit her. I think he should have to go through drug counseling, at least for 6 months, with drug tests. Once he completes that, then we could go back to court and work out more visitation. (But then that is up to the judge to decide...)
What do you think the chances of sole custody are? I def. have the proof of his drug abuse now, but it is hard to 'prove' that over the last 3 years he has not been the one caring for our daughter on his visitation time, it's been his mom. He does nothing to take care of her everyday needs. Indirectly, I think that is neglect if we were supposed to have joint custody.
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