Custody mess

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shellybelly

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Hi all,

I'll make this short and sweet.

1. I have partial custody of 2 girls. 10 and 14. Long story, won't get into it.

2. I have never done anything criminal or illegal in my life. always on time for child support. provide health, dental and eye benefits.

3. Never missed a visit. Unless I got snowed in. which happened last week.

4. Always had good relationships with my girls.

5. This summer (June) my oldest decided she didn't want to come visit anymore.

6. I filed contempt against father. Still hasn't gone to court yet. Keeps getting continued.

7. I set up counseling for myself and daughter. Counselor let her tell me how much time she was going to spend with me. Happens to be one hour a week.

8. Ex wants me to agree to this (without going to court) and let the counselor decide when/how much to increases visitation. Father wants notified of such.

9. I was told at intake session(a different couselor did intake) that they don't get involved or decide on domestic/custody issues unless ordered by court.

10. Mine was never in a court order. I voluntarily made appointments.

11. I am thinking about turning counselor in to the state or filing a lawsuit.

The place I thought I was going to for help only made matters worse. (btw. This was thru my employer. Their Employee Assistance Program. It's offered to help employees, not hurt them.)

12. I feel like I am treading in quick sand.:(

Any advice would greatly help!
 
I'm not sure why you want to file anything against the counselor?

Obviously what your daughter said, and was relayed to you by the counselor, is not legally binding so you do not have to follow the recommendation at all.
 
Because her boss (that did the intake) specifically stated that they do not favor any parent or give any recommendation as regards to child custody and it is actually against their code of ethics to do this.

I have lost 7 months with my daughter because her and her father insist on doing what the counselor recommends.
 
Could you please clarify a few things?

First, please tell us what your court ordered visitation schedule actually is at the moment.

So:

Your daughter stated that she no longer wanted to stick to the schedule and Dad allowed her to do so.

You sought help from a counselor (what kind?, by the way?)

The counselor relayed that your daughter wanted to spend X time.

The counselor made no decisions about this, but simply acted as something of a mediator.

Dad then requested that you agree to this, and agree to let this counselor decide or recommend future matters.

You have not yet agreed.

Is this accurate?
 
Sure. No problem.

I know all this can be very confusing to others.

1. I was granted 3 weekends a month and one day during the week.
- I agreed to change for FATHER/DAUGHTER benefit to:
2 weekends a month and two evenings during the week. (Mon and Tues 4pm to 8:30 pm.) This was dated from 2006.
~~ In Sept of 2009 the same order applied (I went back for modification) plus the judge increased the weekday time by 30 minutes.~~

2. During summer vacation (June 2009) (during the last day(SUN) of his week scheduled week) she decided it was "boring" with me and didn't want to come. Father was late coming home with both (they were on vac) so, I didn't get to go over to pick them up until after work on Monday. Only 1 child came outside and got into my car. The youngest, not oldest. This was the last time I had visitation with the oldest.

2. The sessions were set up with a Psychiatrist. (August 2009) The Psych ended up ONLY doing the intake. He then referred the remaining 7 to his colleague, whom is a licensed therapist. There were only 8 to begin with because my employer was paying for them. Any follow-up sessions were to be covered by my health insurance.

3. The therapist, her and I were in the first meeting and she asked my daughter if she wanted to spend time with me again. My daughter said "yes". She then asked her what her school schedule was like (this was in Sept '09). My daughter replied, "super busy". "I don't know if I'll have time.".
The my daughter said, "Maybe one hour a week."

That is where that came from. I told her and therapist that one hour wasn't enough time to do anything together. That's where it was left.

I set up second session. The ex cancelled it and said I had to reschedule. I called to reschedule and was never called back. The ex ended up making a "private" appt with him and my daughter without me knowing. After that session the therapist phoned me to tell me I should ignore my court order and follow her recommendation.

4. I filed contempt charges and before the scheduled date, I decided to try an alternative plan. This is what I asked for:

- mother and daughter would have one hour a week visitation and attend counseling sessions. After 3 months the normal visitation (approved by the court) would resume and counseling would continue. The father said NO to this.

5. As of today, the contempt hearing is now in March.
 
All you can do, honestly, is file a complaint against the counselor and wait until the hearing.

You did and do NOT have to agree to ANYTHING at all outside of court.
 
That's what I was thinking. I just wanted to be certain.

Thank you so much for listening and offering advice. I had begun to lose faith in everything. Have a great day! ;)
 
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