Custody Issue with autistic child

[sandyb]

My daughter is going through a very nasty divorce. Her 3 year old son has autism and/or mental retardation. She wants to get "sole" custody of her son as her and her husband are always at odds. Since her son does have autism, the "exchange" factor during any parenting schedule is very, very important, as he does not do well with change. He currently resides with his mother and goes to the pre-school system where they reside. However, at present, the father has "temporary" custody of the child until the issue can be decided either by them both reaching an agreement or by the judge reaching an agreement.

There are several reasons for wanting sole custody of this child. #1, he clearly has autism and does not like changes to his schedule. He currently sees his dad 4 hours on each Wednesday, and from Friday at 8:00 a.m. until Monday at 8:00 a.m. every other weekend. My daughter is not opposed to this schedule. What she is opposed to is the standard visitation schedule would allow his dad to have the child during the summer months for a straight 7-day period (for 3 different weeks). This would be very confusing for the child and unfortunately, the Courts are not used to setting divorces with an autistic child involved. #2, the father has a half-brother who is a "convicted" third tier child offender (sex with children under age 13) and he is currently out of jail and living very near to the father's home. #3, the child is on a very rigid medication schedule. And #4, her home is totally set up for a child with special needs, i.e. she has video monitors every where so she can constantly keep an eye on him if she just goes to the restroom. She won't even take a shower if she is alone with him. I come to her house and watch him, while she showers. Unfortunately, I don't think the lawyer we have hired has much practice in handling this type of child custody cases.

What do we need to do to get the proper sole custody of this child and a "proper" visitation schedule that would continue for the entire year - not just during the school year?

Please help us.

 

[Proserpina]

My daughter is going through a very nasty divorce. Her 3 year old son has autism and/or mental retardation. She wants to get "sole" custody of her son as her and her husband are always at odds. Since her son does have autism, the "exchange" factor during any parenting schedule is very, very important, as he does not do well with change. He currently resides with his mother and goes to the pre-school system where they reside. However, at present, the father has "temporary" custody of the child until the issue can be decided either by them both reaching an agreement or by the judge reaching an agreement.

Regardless of who has custody, your grandson is going to have to deal with change throughout his life. With Dad currently having temporary custody he has a better chance at this turning into permanent custody.

There are several reasons for wanting sole custody of this child. #1, he clearly has autism and does not like changes to his schedule. He currently sees his dad 4 hours on each Wednesday, and from Friday at 8:00 a.m. until Monday at 8:00 a.m. every other weekend. My daughter is not opposed to this schedule. What she is opposed to is the standard visitation schedule would allow his dad to have the child during the summer months for a straight 7-day period (for 3 different weeks). This would be very confusing for the child and unfortunately, the Courts are not used to setting divorces with an autistic child involved.

the courts are very familiar with dealing with disabled, autistic or otherwise challenged children. Seriously.

#2, the father has a half-brother who is a "convicted" third tier child offender (sex with children under age 13) and he is currently out of jail and living very near to the father's home.

This isn't relevant. There are sex offenders in virtually every neighborhood in the country - can your daughter prove that not only is Dad allowing his half-brother to visit/stay while the child is present, but is allowing the half-brother to have access to the child without supervision?

#3, the child is on a very rigid medication schedule. And #4, her home is totally set up for a child with special needs, i.e. she has video monitors every where so she can constantly keep an eye on him if she just goes to the restroom. She won't even take a shower if she is alone with him. I come to her house and watch him, while she showers. Unfortunately, I don't think the lawyer we have hired has much practice in handling this type of child custody cases.

Again, regardless of who has custody the child is going to have to eventually deal with all kinds of change.

What do we need to do to get the proper sole custody of this child and a "proper" visitation schedule that would continue for the entire year - not just during the school year?

Please help us.

Sole custody is increasingly rare these days - and as Dad already has temp custody he has a good chance at keeping that as it is.

Why can't your daughter simply adapt to the visitation schedule she's proposing for Dad?

 

[Duranie]

Mom needs to get used to co-parenting with Dad and getting the child used to 2 households. So why does Dasd have temporary custody now? you reliaze that mom has little chance of getting sole custody if she does not even have custody now. She needs a reality check and understand that joint custody will likely be given and the courts will decide who gets to be the residential parent. Even if mom were to get sole custody, Dad would still get overnight unsupervised visits so what exactly does mom think sole is going to give her?

The courts handle special needs kids all the time and there is no reason why Dad should not get a regular schedule. Dad's half brother being a sex offender has nothing to do with this. Mom's house probably has a sex offender close by too. Unless Dad is allowing this person to see the child, he doesn't matter.

Most non custodial parents get several weeks in the summer.

The child being special needs does not mean Dad must comply to what mom wants. Mom may not know what is best for the child and i think she is fighting a losing battle especially since she does not even have custody know. So what is the reason the courts gave temp to Dad? He must not be all that bad. I think mom and dad should both grow up, and think about what is best for the child and agree to split custody. I personally do not think mom is thinking of the child I think she just wants to get back at Dad. Shame.

 

[jaynesoccermom]

I am dealing with an "older" version of this situation. Dad convienced teenager with autism/add/learning disorder to move in with him. Fight to be the residential parent. Once dad got him to his house the medication stopped, the therapy stopped, no educational plan at school and then the biggest one of all he convienced my son to stop seeing me and visitiation stopped. Mom needs to google for an attorney that specializes in special needs, develop a plan that shows she supports therapy and ask the court to order dad to submit a plan...chances are that he doesn't even have one. As for brother-in-law...bet money he is visiting and find a private detective to get video evidence of his visits. The courts are well know today for being anti-mother so it is an up-hill battle. But I garantee if you give him an inch he will take a mile and you will be left with an ex that suddently decides HIS son doesn't need to see his mother. My son continues to flunk classes, quit band--that he loved and participated in for 7 years--all for his abusive father and has basically checked out of high school. He started out so promising while he was with me and now dad is encouraging him to deny his challenges and even though 7 professionals have diagnosed him he lies to my son that I am "making it up". The courts will do nothing because they are so pro-daddy. Get your ducks in order now...read the book "Mothers on Trial"...and start documenting as much evidence as you can. Do not agree to a case manager or a guardiam ad lideum...they are awful evil people.

 

[Proserpina]

Jayne, your post is inappropriate. If you have a legal question, by all means go ahead and ask. But this is not the correct venue for your agenda.

Thanks.

 

[cbg]

Particularly on a thread that is over two years old.