My jurisdiction is: Maryland
Hi.
My daughter is 7. I left her father in the Fall of 04. He was verbally & emotionally abusive to me. For the first 6+ mths she lived with me & he came & took her when he wanted to (just like that). I was back to work after 2+ yrs & didn't have much of anything. Any request for help from him was met with threats – He'd take her away. I was still recovering from the trauma of his treatment (still being treated like crap)& hadn't even realized that it was in fact abuse. I thought he was just mean & controlling. I reluctantly entered into a 2 week/2 week joint agreement that we continued for the next 2 years. I moved 20 miles away but decided (by myself) that I would keep her enrolled in her daycare & make the drive until she started school. As time went on & I got my life back together & got reacquainted with & married an old friend. I began my recovery.
My daughter's transitions from one house to the other were upsetting & stressful. I was tired of her father doing whatever, whenever he liked. Changing the holiday & time "rules" to serve his desires. Kindergarten was approaching & the school in my neighborhood is one of the best in the state. I prepared my argument with reports, charts & graphs – he didn't look at one thing! He refused – he wanted it his way. I filed for custody to get into mediation; he counter-filed accusing me of being unfit (he asked for sole legal & physical). The emergency hearing placed her in his Kindergarten since it was in the original town.
We went to court in Winter 08, my lawyer did nothing to prepare me or my family for what was going to happen. She did not address the issues that I felt really mattered. His family, as expected, lied with & for him. I sat there helpless as the judge ruled for joint legal custody then gave my Ex primary physical custody. I was given every other weekend & Monday dinners.
My daughter hates it. She tells me that she cries at night. She has given up asking to call me because the answer is always, no. She will only return my calls…sometimes. He will call & leave nasty messages if his calls are not returned right away – I can't get her to call him.
The judge's ruling was based on two things; his wife (married 3 mths before the hearing) has a son the same age as my daughter – so he considered them siblings (the judge even accused me of not caring about that relationship) & Ex's family is bigger & lives closer.
I had a breakdown & was in the hospital for 3 days. I still have flashbacks & nightmares. He has NEVER talked to my daughter about any of this. She is afraid to tell him that she is unhappy. She is doing ok in school but not as well as she should be doing. How would the school know, she's been living this arrangement almost since she started.
I'm out of money, suffering & scared for her. I've been waiting…waiting until I can file for a modification. Even then it's a long shot. A lot of the "material changes in circumstance" are ongoing issues that were never brought up in court. Mostly financial stuff; illegal employment, taxes, illegally doing business, fraud, hiding assets – Did I tell you that he is being sued by his lawyer? The one who helped him & the court rape me? $22K. That is in addition to back taxes, other financial judgments as well as MVA stuff.
He is illegal all around – that's all I have that isn't "hearsay", things that my daughter tells me.
I'm on my own here & I need to make something happen soon. The nightmares are back & the depression is crushing. She needs to be safe, she deserves to be happy. He tells people that he has "full custody" & who knows what other lies.
What can I do?
Hi.
My daughter is 7. I left her father in the Fall of 04. He was verbally & emotionally abusive to me. For the first 6+ mths she lived with me & he came & took her when he wanted to (just like that). I was back to work after 2+ yrs & didn't have much of anything. Any request for help from him was met with threats – He'd take her away. I was still recovering from the trauma of his treatment (still being treated like crap)& hadn't even realized that it was in fact abuse. I thought he was just mean & controlling. I reluctantly entered into a 2 week/2 week joint agreement that we continued for the next 2 years. I moved 20 miles away but decided (by myself) that I would keep her enrolled in her daycare & make the drive until she started school. As time went on & I got my life back together & got reacquainted with & married an old friend. I began my recovery.
My daughter's transitions from one house to the other were upsetting & stressful. I was tired of her father doing whatever, whenever he liked. Changing the holiday & time "rules" to serve his desires. Kindergarten was approaching & the school in my neighborhood is one of the best in the state. I prepared my argument with reports, charts & graphs – he didn't look at one thing! He refused – he wanted it his way. I filed for custody to get into mediation; he counter-filed accusing me of being unfit (he asked for sole legal & physical). The emergency hearing placed her in his Kindergarten since it was in the original town.
We went to court in Winter 08, my lawyer did nothing to prepare me or my family for what was going to happen. She did not address the issues that I felt really mattered. His family, as expected, lied with & for him. I sat there helpless as the judge ruled for joint legal custody then gave my Ex primary physical custody. I was given every other weekend & Monday dinners.
My daughter hates it. She tells me that she cries at night. She has given up asking to call me because the answer is always, no. She will only return my calls…sometimes. He will call & leave nasty messages if his calls are not returned right away – I can't get her to call him.
The judge's ruling was based on two things; his wife (married 3 mths before the hearing) has a son the same age as my daughter – so he considered them siblings (the judge even accused me of not caring about that relationship) & Ex's family is bigger & lives closer.
I had a breakdown & was in the hospital for 3 days. I still have flashbacks & nightmares. He has NEVER talked to my daughter about any of this. She is afraid to tell him that she is unhappy. She is doing ok in school but not as well as she should be doing. How would the school know, she's been living this arrangement almost since she started.
I'm out of money, suffering & scared for her. I've been waiting…waiting until I can file for a modification. Even then it's a long shot. A lot of the "material changes in circumstance" are ongoing issues that were never brought up in court. Mostly financial stuff; illegal employment, taxes, illegally doing business, fraud, hiding assets – Did I tell you that he is being sued by his lawyer? The one who helped him & the court rape me? $22K. That is in addition to back taxes, other financial judgments as well as MVA stuff.
He is illegal all around – that's all I have that isn't "hearsay", things that my daughter tells me.
I'm on my own here & I need to make something happen soon. The nightmares are back & the depression is crushing. She needs to be safe, she deserves to be happy. He tells people that he has "full custody" & who knows what other lies.
What can I do?
