Consistency in children

[ineedofguidance]

I'm in the middle of a custody battle and I want to prove to the courts that it is in my Childs best interest to live with me. My child has ADHD and requires consistency. For the life of me I cannot get her to stick with the rules at home because they are broken once she leaves my house and goes to her grandmother's house where her father lives. The grandmother buys her whatever she wants and doesn't lay down any rules for her. My daughter called me and asked if she could open a facebook account and I said no because she is too young. She is 11 years old and her grandmother opened one for her my daughter told me. My case is to get sole custody and relocate to another state but I am giving them a substantial amount of time to fly her back and forth, I am giving the father all summers , spring breaks, winter breaks, Skype webvisits, and phone calls. I am in no way trying to take her away. I just want a better life for all of us and need to prove to the court that not only me having a better economic opportunity but to all have my daughter's life consistent instead of broken every weekend.
Has anyone heard of anything like this brought into court about ADHD and consistency?

 

[Proserpina]

The court will not force a parent to comply with the other parent's individual parenting style; basically what kiddo does at Dad's house is Dad's business.

He has a constitutionally protected right to parent his child the way he sees fit.

Arguing consistency if you want to relocate may well backfire on you - the court could very easily turn around and say "Consistency is important. Therefore Mom, you are free to relocate. Dad, you become primary custodian".

See what I mean?

 

[ineedofguidance]

i see what you mean, but there is no way he can get custody as he is unfit. He is an alcoholic and drug abuser, so in my case, I think the childs best interest is to stay with me, the mom.

 

[Proserpina]

He's legally unfit?

By whose standards?

Why are you sending your child to a drug-using alcoholic?

Seriously Mom, the court is going to ask you the same questions...

 

[ineedofguidance]

I am fighting in court now trying to prove this to them. There is a visitation order in place and if I don't abide by that..don't I go to jail??
Its unfair that the court has to plan my life, if I knew he would be a good father, I would let him have joint custody, but since he is not. I am fighting.

 

[Proserpina]

Here's the thing.

He's allowed to be an alcoholic. Many alcoholics have full - and often SOLE - custody of their kids.

And unless you have proof that a) he's using drugs, b) he's using around your child and c) that the child is endangered because of his drug use, you seriously do have an uphill battle on your hands.

Mom, I get what you're saying. I really do. But to prove a parent unfit in court is terrifically difficult. The court awarded him visitation, hence the court doesn't consider him unfit. The court basically trusts your decision - you decided he was fit to be a parent, and they'll agree with you until and unless you have SOLID evidence to the contrary.

 

[ineedofguidance]

hmm, does it matter hold old evidence is? When were were together years ago, I have saved police records and an order or protection, I think I have 2 in the past 10years. Also, can't they do a drug test? I know for a fact he is an everyday user.
for ABand C.
A drug test can prove it. B. My daugher has asked me what a blunt was and what ther dad smokes and tells her to leave the room. and C., not sure on that one,only thing I can think of is the 2nd hand smoker or her getting a contact of some sort.
i know he is entitled to his own life, but when it affects my daughter and what she knows, he's stepping over boundaries I can't control.

 

[Proserpina]

Yes, it matters. Old offenses and past history aren't going to matter since, again, the court has already awarded Dad visitation.

So you're back to what is going on right now.

He's smoking pot, right? Unfortunately for you family court tends to view pot the same way as alcohol; not that big of a deal. Even if you can convince the court to order a test, and he tests positive, that doesn't show that he's legally unfit. You would have to show that, for example, your daughter has a respiratory condition caused or aggravated by Dad's smoking.

And even if you can do that, Dad is simply going to turn around and promise not to do it again. The court will generally side with him and give him at least one chance to turn things around.

Mom, you've got to be realistic. Based upon what you've said in this thread, I cannot see a court giving you permission to relocate the child out of state if Dad objects.