Considerations in assuming custody, or other options needed please

[WhirledPeas]

Me: divorced, self-employed, work-at-home parent of 17-year-old son. He has a 17-year-old girlfriend who lives with her divorced welfare mother and two younger teenage siblings. Girl's dad is in California and is not involved with this yet.

Months ago, I offered to provide girl with place to stay as mother-daughter relationship is toxic and police are called to home frequently. Mother said, due to daughter's mental health issues (depression, possible borderline personality disorder), I had to agree to lengthy conditions regarding daughters care (essentially supervise her 24/7) which I could mostly, but not completely agree to. I soon learned mother didn't even provide that level of care herself.

The daughter spends nearly every waking moment with us, returning home at night and coming back after school. Recently, mom somewhat aggressively said, "If you want her, you can take her if you agree to taking over full legal custody so I'm not liable for anything she does." She wants her daughter out. We met once recently to discuss how this might work and will meet again soon.

I want to ensure I file right paperwork and that I'm not agreeing to something not be in girl's or my best interests.

Thank you

 

[ohiogranny]

When do the lovebirds turn 18? I suppose her parents (her dad would have to give permission) could give you guardianship if it will be a while.

Do you really want to take on someone with those issues? What if she breaks the law before she's 18 and you're liable?

Personally, I think moving your son's gf into the house is a huge mistake. We let our daughter's bf (fiance, now exh) move in here....the result was our granddaughter, who's now 11.

 

[WhirledPeas]

I appreciate your perspective. She turns 18 in March, him in May. How old was your daughter? If you knew me, you'd know that the last thing I'd ever imagine I'd do was to invite my son's teenage GF in to live with us. It will only be until she's 18, then I'll help find her a room to rent with another family somewhere nearby and get her set up as an independent young lady.

While I do think she has issues, I can provide her with the love and support she needs to help her to cope with them, whereas mom has been completely unable to do so and in fact has CPS or police involvement regularly which I think adds to the girls issues by not having a stable home. There just isn't anyone else willing to take her in. She's miserable, mom hates having her there and I have space and time for her. Time will tell if it's the right choice.

If she breaks the law, won't she be liable for her own actions?

 

[ohiogranny]

I think unless she is legally emancipated (a very hard thing to do), whoever is her legal parent/guardian is responsible for her. That's what Mom was telling you. That's why, when your 16yo gets their driver's license, you have to sign the papers.

 

[ohiogranny]

Oh, and my daughter was 17. I was dumb. Although if they were gonna get pg, I guess they could have done it anywhere. They were engaged and she was supposed to finish school before the wedding. She was starting her senior year and was too sick to continue. The baby was born in April a couple weeks after she turned 18 and they married a month later. This was done to have her on our insurance for the birth. Dad put baby on his after the birth. She did get her GED later on.