Confusing Custody...

[custody101]

I am the custodial primary parent of our 16 yr old son. His father and I use to get along and when our son was 10 he wanted to live with his father (we lived within 5 miles of each other) so we orally agreed that we would have an "open door" type agreement BUT our son would come back with me for High School. Well, time moved on and my son & his father moved 4 hrs away from me (at the time I was okay with it as he would come back to me for high school - we never changed any court documents, etc..). Well, I am not being "phased out" and our son is not doing well in high school and I want him back. What can I do?? The county I live in still has jurisdiction and we never changed court documents - I still am the primary custodial parent. My son has a great social life and plays for the high school football team...so he is on the fence about moving and his father & I are NOT getting along anymore. His father is a bad egg - 3 DUI, several evictions, etc..I have a stable home life...
What can I do...

 

[cyjeff]

What does the court order say?

A court order is not a suggestion or a guideline. It is an ORDER with the power of law upon those named within.

A court order cannot be changed anywhere but in court. Period.

Having said that, your reluctance to enforce that order will come back to haunt you...

How long has it been since your son lived with you according to the court order?

 

[custody101]

The Order says "Mother shall be residential custodial parent...""Father shall have liberal and frequent visitation..."

My son is 16 and he has lived with his father for 6 yrs...he is here with me on weekends, holidays, etc... we have always gotten along (father & I) until recently...our oral agreement was our son would come and live with me for High School...well high school came and it was ...he is in football...has friends...etc...so I put my feelings aside and agreed...but he isn't doing well in school and his father doesn't supervise, etc... has DUI's and has been evicted from each home they have lived in...so I feel as a parent that I need to step in and have our son live with me (he can make new friends and do foot ball here....). I just don't know the proper way to handle it...do i petition the court here (where the order is) or do I do something else???

 

[GeeksPie314]

Well, hmmm. This is quite the pickle. I myself, had full custody (legal and physical) of my daughter. (This is only to share my custody experience similar to yours... ) Her father was granted no visitation per his own request. Months after the court order, he started showing interest. On my own accord, I allowed him a progressive visiting schedule (that was discussed in mediation between us but he refused). After 3 months, he took me to court because I refused to give him 50/50 custody out of court. (I, as well as the mediator, didn't feel he had established a bond with her since she was younger and he only had her a few hours on the weekend.) In court, he tried using the visitation to his advantage, saying I strayed from the order. (According to the judge and mediator, it was up to my discretion whether or not I allowed him visitation.) Needless to say, the court still found favor on my half. Verbally, you allowed your son to live with your ex for 6 or so years. He may use it against you, saying you strayed from the original order and he has provided most or all things for your son for the past few years more than 50% of the time. The judge may look at the fact that you "allowed" him to live with his father against the court order... Did the issues with the father DUI, etc, happen before or after your son was in his "custody"? From my outsiders point of view... I prolly wouldn't have allowed anything to happen, such as him moving out of your home or 4 hrs away, without it being in writing of an agreement, even if you guys decided to keep it out of court. I know my daughter's father's history and I have learned to approach things cautiously and get everything in writing. But, really, the court is going to rule in favor of the child. Your son is old enough to tell the judge his feelings on the matter, or maybe old enough to decide if he wants to continue living with his father or find your home the better place to be. The judge may consider your concerns though about the father's behavior. Like I said, I don't know if my experience will help. But I'm not a professional.

 

[Proserpina]

The Order says "Mother shall be residential custodial parent...""Father shall have liberal and frequent visitation..."

My son is 16 and he has lived with his father for 6 yrs...he is here with me on weekends, holidays, etc... we have always gotten along (father & I) until recently...our oral agreement was our son would come and live with me for High School...well high school came and it was ...he is in football...has friends...etc...so I put my feelings aside and agreed...but he isn't doing well in school and his father doesn't supervise, etc... has DUI's and has been evicted from each home they have lived in...so I feel as a parent that I need to step in and have our son live with me (he can make new friends and do foot ball here....). I just don't know the proper way to handle it...do i petition the court here (where the order is) or do I do something else???

Although you're still the legal CP, Dad has an excellent chance at retaining custody should you take this to court. In all honesty if you fight this in court by the time it's over your son may be old enough to live by himself anyway.