Concerned mom

[nl315]

Two years ago i entered into a relationship with a guy who i went to high school with, we were always "friends" and started dating casually in the summer of 06. A couple of months later i find out im pregnant and i tell him about it, he was very unsupportive at first but then said he would take responsibility for the child. When i was about 4 months into the pregnancy i find out his ex girlfriend is 2 months pregnant by him. At which point his whole attitude changed towards me and my child and he no longer wanted anything to do with us until a paternity test could be done. He married her and i went on with my life and had my child . I filed for child support a couple of months after my daughter was born and just recently had the paternity test done ( 99.99 percent his child) and have a court hearing in dec. My daughter is almost 2 years old and her father has probably come to see her a maximum of 6 times in her life, and now that he knows he will have to start paying child support soon he is asking me about when he can take her to his house for the day. Dont get me wrong i want my daughter to know her father and establish a relationship with him, however i do not want him to take her on weekends or anything like that until she is a little older, mainly because i know he likes to drink and drive and i have seen him drink and drive with his other child in the car.Also I have never been away from her and i do not want her to be around his wife too much. My question is can he file for joint custody or can i try to limit him to visitation (under my supervision or only in public places like taking her to a park or movies or for ice cream)?Also he is not on her birth certificate but paternity has been established so will he be able to change her last name ?

 

[Duranie]

He cannot change the last name without your permission. As far as visitation, time to accept he is Dad and he is likely entitled to unsupervised visits once him and the child get acquainted. You do not have to like his new wife but unless you can prove she is a danger to the child, you cannot prevent her from being around her. She has the child's half sibling-get used to the fact she is going to be around.

If you have seen him drink and rive with his child in the car, did you report it? You cannot just throw accusations out there without any proof.

You can ask for supervised for a few months until he and the child are acquainted, but once he take you to court for overnights, he will likely get them.

 

[nl315]

i did not report it, however i do have pictures of him & his wife drinking and driving with there child in the car. i got them off there myspace page, would that be considered proof as to why i dont want my daughter in the car with him ?

 

[nl315]

Also do you think court will take into account that he only asked about visitation when he became aware that he would have to be financially responsible for her?Does the court care if he constantly says he'll come see her and never shows up and doesnt even bother to call? Like I said she'll be 2 soon and we have lived within a mile of each other since she was born and he hasnt bothered to establish a relationship with her yet, why would they grant him these rights when he has clearly neglected her since she was born? Like i said before i do want them to know eachother i just dont think it would be good for her to stay over with them yet since she cant even speak yet, what if his wife hits her or yells at her i would never know.

 

[Duranie]

You cannot just say "what if" there are lots of what ifs but many just do not apply here. You are assuming his new wife is a witch and going to abuse your child.

Until there is an actual court order for visits you can call the shots. You can certainly ask for supervised but it just is not realistic for you to expect it forever. If Dad does not ask for it though, it may never happen.

 

[nl315]

Your right im problably just being paranoid but thank you for your help.