Concern for Welfare of my Kids with their Mother

[ejlorson]

I have 3 sons. I have joint custody, but primary residence is with me (I live in CT). I am the primary caregiver, and my boys see their Mother one day a week (the Mother lives in Yonkers, NY). My new wife has been made a legal guardian of my children because my ex is constantly disappearing and I travel a lot for work.

My children's Mother has been steadily going downhill - she is dating unsavory men, barely works and lives in a dump in a very bad neighborhood. It is a 2 bedroom basement apartment she shares with a 47 year old Hispanic busboy. When they visit her my oldest son (17) sleeps on a cot in the hall and my younger sons (9, 13) sleep in their Mother's bed with her. They do not have much of their own stuff there, and their enthusiasm for seeing her has faded in the past few years.

I support my 3 sons entirely (she could not afford to pay child support, and I don't need it from her) and she still cannot provide basic shelter for them. My oldest does not even want to see her anymore, and I don't blame him.

I am VERY concerned about the safety of my children, and want to stop them from sleeping over until she gets her act together. I am hoping that will get her to do something about her situation. I am not sure how to start this process. Should I call NYS CPS, get a lawyer, or what? My ex is a hothead and I am concerned that she will consider this a threat to her (everything is about her) as opposed to being about the kids.

I don't want to limit her access (I never have) but don't want them in that apartment.

Thanks,
Eric

 

[Proserpina]

What proof do you have that the children are being harmed?

As much as I know you don't want to hear this, Mom is allowed to stay in a scummy apartment with the boys, as long as they're not being obviously neglected. So next time they go over there, how about you send a couple of cheap air mattresses for them?

Honestly Dad, I've seen much worse environments being declared fit for the kids to stay over.

 

[army judge]

Your oldest child can decide not to see his mother in a few months.

As you indicate you do not wish to limit her access to visit with the children, I'm unsure what else you seek.

You could hire an attorney and request a hearing on the conditions of her home.

You might ask the court to impose supervised visits on her in a neutral site.

Or, you could pay for a hotel room for her to use when she gets her time with the kids!

You could throw in money for meals and such while the kids visit with their mom.

If you have a collegial relationship with her, speak with her about these suggestions.

She might surprise you.

Otherwise, Prosperina, sadly has given you glum, but honest advice.


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