Civil Protection Order question

[floppedset]

OHIO- I was served an ex parte Domestic Violence Civil Pro. Order. I was in a verbal altercation with my wife, which escalated into her telling me to leave her apartment (her lease). I was trying to leave and she leaned on the door and then wouldn't allow me to leave. This then escalated into another argument with her ripping off her rings and giving them to me and my finally being able to rush out the door and leave cities. I then e-mailed her and let her know she could have any of my belongings left behind and my direct deposited paycheck. After 2 days of my not coming back to her she decided to try to make a case of DV with the DA. She was turned down and then went for a CPO and was granted the ex parte. Can I go to jail through this civil case? I will certainly not break any CPO orders.

I feel a CPO will protect ME from her harassing me any further. This entire order is based upon her being vindictive and not being in fear of me. I have never struck her or anything. She did make false allegations against me during the ex parte hearing, claiming I have hit her and choked her in the past. She is trying to get the courts to force counseling on me, which I firmly believe should be presented to her. She has severe anger management issues and constantly wanted to start fights with me, which I avoid and generally left the apartment and drove around for a while. This time she wouldn't allow me to leave and I had no phone or anything to call the police. It is her word against mine, as there were no witnesses. She claimed to have small bruises and scratches on her finger when she ripped her rings off and gave them to me. She called the police on me once prior when we lived out of state in an similar situation. The police did not arrest me, as I did nothing to hurt her, nor left any marks on her. (Yes I know, I should have left her for good then as the officer at the scene recommended). Anyway, the DA said her apparent injuries (which I didn't even do) weren't enough to make a case against me, nor were there any witnesses. She used manipulation of being scared of me based upon this evidence to get back at me for not going back to her this time. What are my options? I really don't want to see her face again and would be happy to have a CPO that would keep her from trying to contact me as well, etc. Thanks for any help.


I am mainly worried about possible jail time or probation. I am not sure if either of these can occur during a CPO final hearing or afterwards. Like I said, I will certainly not break any of the CPO orders and am staying as far away from her as possible. P.S. upon arriving at my new residence, I discovered my wife had got into my e-mail accounts and Facebook and changed all of my passwords (we shared our passwords as we had nothing to hide). It was only through security questions that I was able to restore most of my e-mail accounts and my Facebook page. I have since changed passwords and questions and have removed all linked associations to my wife from my Facebook page and then disabled it for the time being. I am trying to protect myself in case she tries to e-mail herself from one of my e-mail accounts or something to claim I have broken the ex parte and/or future CPO if one occurs.

I do not know if my wife will attend the hearing with an attorney and I hadn't planned on getting one if I do attend. I have received some information from other sources that state I should definitely attend because it is possible that the CPO be dismissed or an agreement made between my wife and I. I was thinking of preparing a statement to read to the court which provides information of what occurred that night--that I was barricaded in her apartment and she wouldn't let me leave prior to any altercation. Also information of my being cursed out by her on a daily basis and having been smacked by her and hit with a board game she threw at me in the past. She is reciting previous events, several of which are false, so should I write in my statement things she has done to me where she was both physically and passively aggressive? Keep in mind that no 3rd parties have EVER seen her and I get into anything more than a brief verbal altercation in public (1 witness and no yelling involved, just obvious statements that we were mad at each other) and that was only one time. There are zero witnesses in this entire case--her word against mine. My record is 100% clean and I am a licensed school teacher with high character. I don't know what to do with her trying to get back at me for not taking her back this time.

 

[army judge]

Do you think a judge wants to hear your version of events?

Don't flatter yourself.

You've got this worked out, don't disobey the order.

Why would you want to get the order lifted?

Both of you are better off staying away from each other.

Let things cool off for a year (maybe six months) and then investigate getting it lifted.

Only an idiot goes into a courtroom and blabs about anything.

That is never smart.

If you want to keep your teaching credential, stay away from this woman.

You know say she's vindictive, cunning, and quarrelsome; why bother?

Get out while your reputation is spotless!

 

[floppedset]

Thanks for your reply. So you think I should definitely NOT go to the final hearing then? I don't have money for an attorney after allowing her to have my last direct deposit and I read that I can't have a public defender for this case. Is it unwise for me to go into this final hearing without an attorney if I were to go? What do you recommend I say in court or should I not go? I was thinking if I don't go it makes me look guilty. I have an e-mail I sent her the night of the situation after I went to my new location out of town. It specifically states that she gave me my mom's rings back (not that I ripped them off her and scratched her finger, as she told the judge for the ex parte). The e-mail is very specific that I do not wish to have contact with her, that she can have my belongings left after her residence and that I'm willing to send her any items she left in my relative's vehicle. I also stated specifically in the e-mail that I would not reply to any message from her about reunification, only something of her requesting items in the car I drove away.

Do you think I should print this e-mail and take it to court with me as evidence as my definitely not being a threat to her, etc? Should I tell the judge what caused the fight and her past verbal and physical abuse of me or only talk specifically about what led to this specific altercation and how she was planted in front of the door and wouldn't let me leave, despite telling me to leave...then begging me to stay etc. Then she finally gave me the rings and I left. What do you think? Should I just not attend and risk being placed in batterer counseling (a request of hers on the ex parte), which I feel is ridiculous and if anyone needs counseling it is her. Sorry if I have some scrambled thoughts. I edited this a few times. Thanks

 

[mightymoose]

It sounds like you have received a temporary order until there is a hearing. If you appear at the hearing you can defend against the order.
Personally, I would fight it becuase I wouldn't want the order on my record- it shows up in employment background checks and could later be a problem for you.
If there is no reasonable fear for personal safety and there has been no physical violence and no history of physical violence then you can likely easily defend against the order.

 

[mightymoose]

So you think I should definitely go to the final hearing then?

Unless you want a permanent order automatically granted, show up and defend against it.

Is it unwise for me to go into this final hearing without an attorney? What do you recommend I say in court?

For this you will be fine without an attorney. Just keep your cool, don't be argumentative, and clearly explain why her request for the protection order is not reasonable- no threats made, no history of violence.

Do you think I should print this e-mail and take it to court with me as evidence as my definitely not being a threat to her, etc?

I wouldn't be surprised if the judge has no interest in seeing it- but sure, bring it.

Should I tell the judge what caused the fight and her past verbal and physical abuse of me...

You should simply explain why you are not a threat, have never been a threat, and will not be a threat to her safety. Even if she has been abusive toward you in the past, I wouldn't bring it up unless there are police reports to back you up because she can easily turn it on you. If there are no reports documenting previous incidents then just focus on the allegations she made when she requested the order.

 

[floppedset]

Thanks moose. She claims in the temporary order that she had small bruises and some cuts where she claims I yanked the rings off her fingers (she yanked them off herself after threatening to throw them down the toilet). So you understand, the reason I wanted the rings back so bad was because they were/are my moms from my dad, who has been deceased since I was a toddler. She promised to give them back if we ever separated and she did. Also, when we lived out of state she called the police on me and they didn't do anything because she was neither hurt nor any witnesses. There have never been any witnesses to any of our arguments fyi. She excels at playing victim and it's not surprising to me at all that she convinced the judge to grant her the temp order to begin with. I too am slightly concerned about the CPO appearing on my background checks. Would that stay on even after the CPO (if granted) expires? Would the CPO stay on my record forever? My record is spotless. I appreciate the response and input. I am trying to weight my best options before I get the final hearing date, etc.

 

[mightymoose]

...it's not surprising to me at all that she convinced the judge to grant her the temp order to begin with.

The granting of a temporary order is pretty much automatic- it orders the parties to stay away until the judge has a chance to hear the complaint. The fact that the order was issued does not mean that anyone was convinced of her claims.

I too am slightly concerned about the CPO appearing on my background checks. Would that stay on even after the CPO (if granted) expires? Would the CPO stay on my record forever?

There will be no record of a temporary order. If the judge were to issue an extended order it should disappear from your record when it expires. That might depend on the record keeping for your jurisdiction though.

 

[floppedset]

Thanks. I know I'm an idiot for not running away from her when we were out of state (as the police officer advised me she was bad news and I should get away), but I decided to give her another chance and try to prove we could work out. My mistake. So worst case scenario of them extending the order and it being on my record for a while is not the end of the world. I really do not want to have to go to counseling either, but even that is much better than having to go to jail. At first I thought I was being arrested and/or would go to jail over this. I know I could go to jail if I violated the order, which I would never do. This brings me to another question though. When I got to my new residence, I discovered that she got into all of my e-mail accounts and my facebook and changed all of my passwords. I was able to retrieve most of my e-mail accounts back and my faceback back through security questions. I have since changed the passwords and security questions. I thought it would be a viable threat that she could use one of the remaining e-mail accounts of mine and e-mail herself as me. This is the type of person I have discovered I have married. I know they can trace IPs etc, but she isn't stupid and could do it from a random wi-fi area. I am almost 2 hours away from her. Should I bring up the stolen accounts etc in court or even call the police where she is right now and let them know about it? I would be irate if I got arrested over something like that.

 

[mightymoose]

Change all your passwords and secure your accounts. Do not bother police about this- you will only annoy them.

 

[floppedset]

Thanks, Moose I really appreciate it. Does anyone else have any additional input, agree with what Moose said etc? I was really trying to avoid seeing her face but it seems it is in my best interest to attend the final hearing.

 

[floppedset]

Change all your passwords and secure your accounts. Do not bother police about this- you will only annoy them.

I have changed passwords and secured my accounts for all but 2 of my e-mail accounts she changed on me. Should I worry about her being vindictive with those 2 accounts or just let it go. The addresses mean nothing to me other than the potential for her to login to them and e-mail herself and claim I broke a protection order trying to contact her. That is my only issue and maybe I'm just being too cautious about all of this. I haven't been in any serious trouble and do not want to go to jail. It would ruin me.

 

[floppedset]

Do you think a judge wants to hear your version of events?

Don't flatter yourself.

You've got this worked out, don't disobey the order.

Why would you want to get the order lifted?

Both of you are better off staying away from each other.

Let things cool off for a year (maybe six months) and then investigate getting it lifted.

Only an idiot goes into a courtroom and blabs about anything.

That is never smart.

If you want to keep your teaching credential, stay away from this woman.

You know say she's vindictive, cunning, and quarrelsome; why bother?

Get out while your reputation is spotless!

Thanks Judge. Were you thinking I want to get back with this woman? I do not even want to see her again, which is why I really was not wanting to go to the final hearing. I had planned on sending her her belongings, looking into getting marriage dissolution and moving on with my life. Thankfully we have no kids or major assets etc to worry about. I was thinking a CPO would be a great thing as I'm not worried about it ruining my career because I know people who had been in similar situations and got hired after explaining what had occurred. I am 100% staying away from her but I am not sure if you think it is best I go to the final hearing or not. Initially I thought the CPO would keep her away from me and give her the hint that I do not want to go back to her anymore. I wouldn't be thrilled about being forced to go to batterer counseling if the judge were to decide that in my absence.

 

[floppedset]

My wife's mother is relentless and is in town from out of state for all of this stuff. She has a long history of being battered and is out to destroy my life now after my leaving her daughter. I had been thinking if I just ignore the final hearing that she may leave me alone if I let her get her way on this matter. If her mother loses this order I am certain she will do all she can to get back into court, defame my character and look for any and all dirt to try to bring up charges on me for something. I am still at a coin flip of what to do. If I am not worried about a CPO being on my background check for up to 5 years as I'll be working a non-professional job in the next few years. I can just not attend the final hearing I suppose. I really do not know what to do. Ugh.

 

[mightymoose]

Her mother has no say in court and likely will not be permitted to speak if she should show up. The matter is between you and your wife.

I can't imagine why you would allow someone to restrict your personal freedom with a restraining order, but that is your choice to make.

 

[floppedset]

Her mother has no say in court and likely will not be permitted to speak if she should show up. The matter is between you and your wife.

I can't imagine why you would allow someone to restrict your personal freedom with a restraining order, but that is your choice to make.

I've read that either of us are allowed to bring in any witnesses, but since there were no witnesses I think maybe you are right and no one but her and I could speak in court. I was thinking at first by witnesses that she can bring in someone as a "witness" to try to slander me to the judge, despite my being a very quiet person and not getting into fights with her publicly. Being that no one has ever seen nor heard her and I argue outside of a very minor incident (neither of us raised our voices and only 1 witness in a restaurant), would she even be permitted to have any witnesses at this hearing? I understand what you are saying. I think what you are hearing from me is how much I do NOT want to bother with her or be near her or have anything else to do with her. I will end up deciding to go, without a lawyer, and calmly explain this to the judge and not bring up anything against her...just explain what led to the argument, how it could have been handled better (or maybe not even mention that), that my entire goal of the situation was to just leave as I was told and I was trying to do as I was told. In the temporary order, it states that I have hit and choked my wife in the past (which are both bald faced lies and again zero witnesses, her word against mine, even if I did, which I DIDN'T). Should I stay away from all of her allegations unless asked by the judge etc? If she has a lawyer with her what should I suspect? Will the lawyer be drilling me with all kinds of questions or what? Thanks again Moose.

 

[floppedset]

One other thing, my wife was trying to blackmail me into staying with her prior to my leaving the next night. She said if I left her she would get me for identity theft. Her and I have a joint bank account (which she has now locked me out of online access by changing passwords and security questions, etc). Over the past few months her and I jointly played online poker under her name, with her debit card (sometimes we used gift cards from our bank). Her debit card is attached to our joint checking/savings account. Anyway, it was mainly me always playing the hands and I grinded a few hundred up to just under $3,000. Then the DOJ came down on the sites, if you're aware, and the funds are currently stuck and she is waiting for her check to finally be released. She blocked me out of all of that, being that it is attached attached to her name....which is fine with me. So anyway, she is trying to reap all of the reward for all of that, and then if she keeps her word, will be trying to get me for identity theft. Would her case be laughed out of court? (being that funds came out of our joint checking, mainly from my paychecks etc). Again, this is all her word against mine for the most part, but she can obviously prove transactions were made to and from the poker sites and to and from our bank account, but never who actually did it. P.S. my card and accounts weren't used because A) I have no card and choose not to and B) because I self-excluded myself from most of the sites when I quit playing poker a couple years back. I could probably actually have the site not pay her the pending withdrawal but I have been trying to take the high ground for everything and not bother. And I think her waiting until she gets that money would show she is just out to get me anyway. My family thinks her mom will have an attorney and try to get me for something else if the CPO is dismissed and this is the only thing I can think of. Are there any other things the mom could try to get me for or am I just worrying about this entire thing way too much? I've never been in trouble for anything and am trying to keep my bases covered, and appreciate the feedback! Should I post this to a different thread and different area? Thanks.