Children Do NOT want to see Father

[Scullen]

I have been divorced for 10 years, I am remarried and have sole custody of now a 13 1/2 year old and a 16 year old. My ex was under a restraining order that I let end. He sees the children every other weekend (for the past 4 - 5 years) before that he saw the kids only when he felt like it. To maintain a sembelance of order in their lives, if they wanted to see their father, I allowed it. He was under the restraining order for abuse.

He now is getting married to a woman they cannot stand. They want nothing to do with her and he continues to try to buy them gifts and set them up to see her in places where he takes them to eat. They are very unhappy with how is handling this and he and I only argue when trying to discuss this. His latest fiasco was to take them to the mall to shop and she "supposedly" just happened to be there.

They want nothing to do with her and now him. do they have to see him? They are of an age where they can decide. He does pay child support, but I had to garnish this also. It comes sporodically.

What are their rights?

 

[Duranie]

Children do not get to not see their dad. If you do not send them, Dad can file contempt. If you want to stop visits, then you have to go to court. Not liking their step-mother is not a reason to stop visits.

 

[Scullen]

Children are of an age where they can decide. One is 16 and one is almost 14. As I have not taken him to court when he failed to see them nor when he failed to pay child support, I would love for him to file a contempt charge and have children testify to his behavior. But thanks for your response.

 

[jharris352]

The children cannot decide whether or not to visit their father no matter what their age. Their wishes after 14 are taken into consideration by the Judge but they can not contravene what the Judge has ordered.

 

[Scullen]

Thanks. Spoke with a lawyer and a Judge of Family Courts this morning. If contempt were filed, children would be taken into chambers and judge would hear their wishes and their issues would be taken into consideration. Also ex is still under original order of supervised vistation, so that would take precedence and restraining order would be revisted. Again childrens needs are what is at forefront per judge in today's society. We are also not dealing with 5 year olds but teenagers and theirs is a tumulutous history of father wants to be father one minute and next does not want to be father here. Because stepmother has come into play, her needs wants, desires and his for her, are not to be taken into consideration. Only that of the children. This is in the State of Va as well as NC.
thanks for all input. Glad I asked and feel much better. Great site.

 

[jharris352]

That's pretty much what we said. The child's wishes are "taken into consideration" but they do not get to decide if they see their father or not. I realize there is a lot more going on here than we know. Good luck.

 

[lonelyinny]

they dont decide-period

Children are of an age where they can decide. One is 16 and one is almost 14. As I have not taken him to court when he failed to see them nor when he failed to pay child support, I would love for him to file a contempt charge and have children testify to his behavior. But thanks for your response.

when they are 18, they can decide not to see dad, untill then, they go when its his time,or they could be seeing a lot more of him AND stepmom, and a lot less of you. they and you have to obey whatever the court order says wether they want to or not, or you could end up being the ncp instead of the custodial one. get the idea now?

 

[Scullen]

Spoke with a lawyer and a Judge of Family Courts this morning. If contempt were filed, children would be taken into chambers and judge would hear their wishes and their issues would be taken into consideration. Also ex is still under original order of supervised vistation, so that would take precedence and restraining order would be revisted..GET The Idea now? thanks!

 

[jharris352]

Dear, I have practiced before the courts you are talking about. I had the idea long before you did. I will REPEAT, your children do not get to chose whether or not they visit their father. Their wishes are TAKEN INTO CONSIDERATION. Further, I never argued with whatever restraining order their may or may not be.

And as for you, let's just say I understand why you are divorced. Good luck, it sounds like you know everything so you really don't need advice from us....