Child support payments. Primary is in Cali/Obligated in Minnesota

[HelplessFather]

I'm a father to a beautiful; almost 3 year old daughter. She lives in Bakersfield, CA with her stripper, pill addicted, alcoholic mother and newly married junkie husband.

At the moment I have a car that works and a place to stay with 2 roommates. I've been looking for stable and steady work for 1.4 years now. Also how long I've been sober and active in AA. Finding jobs has been hard for me. Just paying rent and eating has been a nightmare. I'd LOVE to send money or whatever to my daughter but I don't want it falling directly into the mothers and fathers hands for obvious reasons.

Questions:

1. What are the laws of child support state to state? Can I somehow set up a recognized payment system to her relatives that will spend the money on my daughter?

2. I have no income. I'm on food stamps... Etc... I hate it but I have to survive somehow. How does custody work in this situation? If I'm clean and they aren't... Plus she and he have documented criminal and mental illness history.

3. I'm civil with the mom as of recently and got to actually speak to my daughter and I haven't been that happy in a long time. .... What's going to happen in this type of situation? What could happen? Should happen? What do I do?

Thank you,

-J

 

[Proserpina]

1. You can't dictate how child support is utilized. Child support is to reimburse the custodial parent for costs already incurred raising the child. Provided that the child is dressed, fed and housed, you won't get a court to order an accounting of how it's spent. If Mom wants to use it for a weekly mani/pedi and a Coach handbag, that's her prerogative.

2. You'll need to show that Mom's actions are actually harming the child. If you can, you're going to face the question of "Why didn't you call child services while you knew this was going on?"

3. With regards to child support, you're expected to pay according to state guidelines. End of story. With regards to custody, what's your end goal? Do you realize that it's infinitely more expensive to be the CP rather than the NCP?

 

[army judge]

Thank you for the reply..

I do realize that. That's what is so painful about this situation. I just went through hell to extinguish my criminal record. And I look for work FT. In hopes that one day I'll be able take my daughter on.

Remember... She is in California. I was raised in Minnesota and live here. Procreation story is a long one. When I was living in Bakersfield I did file child protection claims. She was so unstable she also went to jail and got a domestic violence charge against me.

There's more but I tried keeping my daughter fed, clothed and sheltered. I worked 5 or 6 random odd jobs to pay for everything. And I happy to say I believe I did very well. Her family thought so too. I did NOT know how mentally ill she was. It reached a breaking point and I consulted with my daughters great grand parents , grand parents and other safe people and they said I should leave to MN with my daughter but the mom shot it down the second it was brought up.... Obviously.

So I've been here doing what I can... And thinking about my girl all the time... Just so worried. Because although I did consult before I left. Each 1 has their own addiction/problem.

I regret everyday leaving because I couldn't stay another second with her. We would have killed each other.

Now they want me to SIGN OVER MY RIGHTS TO HER. So this screwed & tattooed guy can adopt my daughter. Because apparently she's knocked up again. What does all that even mean?!!!

What if I do sign? What happens? Do I still pay? Is there anyway I can still be apart of her life?

-J

Talk to a lawyer.

Your issue and need is far too great for a free message forum.

 

[Betty3]

You might want to think twice before signing any rights away. Do talk to an attorney (family law attorney if possible) as suggested.