Child support/custody time sensitive

[ninjabear]

This may be long. I live in iowa and my ex lives in north carolina. My ex had a baby in december and has already started the process for child support. I requested a paternity test and that was done but we have not yet received the results. We have a court date scheduled for april 16th to establish child support and paternity. But I can not leave my job and family here just to drive there for a court date. I dont have the money for a lawyer either. I called the child support office where she is and they told me that basically since i cant drive there i am screwed and whatever gets decided i cant fight and i will have no say in anything that gets decided. Isn't there some way I can have a say? Plus what can I expect to happen? Like how much will I have to pay? How often and for how long will i be able to see the child? And can she keep him from me if i am paying child support?
I wanted to fight for custody of the baby because she is, in my opinion, not the best parent for him. She does drugs, drinks underage (she's only 19), was abusive towards me, mentally unstable, and seems more worried about finding a man to support her than how the baby is doing. After she had him, as soon as she was healed enough she was leaving the baby with a sitter to go have sex with guys. And the baby has been in the ER numerous times for "accidents". Plus, she doesn't have a job and is planning on moving to virginia to live with friends. Even with all that against her i have been told it will be pointless to fight her because the courts always choose the mothers side.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

 

[irish223]

This may be long. I live in iowa and my ex lives in north carolina. My ex had a baby in december and has already started the process for child support. I requested a paternity test and that was done but we have not yet received the results. We have a court date scheduled for april 16th to establish child support and paternity. But I can not leave my job and family here just to drive there for a court date. I dont have the money for a lawyer either. I called the child support office where she is and they told me that basically since i cant drive there i am screwed and whatever gets decided i cant fight and i will have no say in anything that gets decided. Isn't there some way I can have a say? Plus what can I expect to happen? Like how much will I have to pay? How often and for how long will i be able to see the child? And can she keep him from me if i am paying child support?
I wanted to fight for custody of the baby because she is, in my opinion, not the best parent for him. She does drugs, drinks underage (she's only 19), was abusive towards me, mentally unstable, and seems more worried about finding a man to support her than how the baby is doing. After she had him, as soon as she was healed enough she was leaving the baby with a sitter to go have sex with guys. And the baby has been in the ER numerous times for "accidents". Plus, she doesn't have a job and is planning on moving to virginia to live with friends. Even with all that against her i have been told it will be pointless to fight her because the courts always choose the mothers side.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

You will really need an attorney to represent you in NC. Otherwise, it is true that you will have no say in the outcome. You will also have to file there for visitation and/or custody of the child. That's generally a separate hearing, and you will need representation for that too. Until there is an order for visitation, your ex will most likely not have to allow visits.

To get an idea of the support amount, you can google NC child support calculators or use the worksheets here:

https://nddhacts01.dhhs.state.nc.us/home.jsp?TargetScreen=WorkSheet.jsp

 

[Duranie]

You really should at least talk to an attorney in NC and maybe google some fathers rights groups. You can ask for a phone hearing if you cannot attend but you living in a different state complicates things. Have you called CPS in regards to these "accidents"? This is your child and your limited contact is going to make it hard for you to make sure the baby is being adequately cared for. If you cannot afford to travel to this state to see the baby how do you intend on having any sort of relationship? Who is the one that moved?

 

[superdaddydrew]

If you have not reported anything to CPS then you will have a hard time selling that your child is in danger. Basically you will have to prove her unfit to win custody, and you really should go to the hearing. If you can't afford to drive to your court hearing then how can you expect the judge to buy you being able to afford a baby. Don't use that excuse if its not too late.

Best of luck man its hard from so far away to get anywhere, I would consider moving to NC its going to be in best interests of the baby in any case.