Change of Custody in OK

[Tinman]

I live in OK and my ex-wife has always used our two children, boy 10 yrs. and girl 8 yrs., to punish me for not complying with her demands. We have been divorced since 1996, but we started sleeping together a couple of days before the divorce/custody trial. Like a moron, I decided not to show up for trial and let her win by default. (I didn't want to fight anymore). Since that time, I have lived with her many times for periods ranging from a few weeks to, most recently, thirteen months. Currently, she will not let me pick my kids up, let them call me, or let them answer the phone when I call. A friend suggested I find out about change of custody by choice of the children. The have both told me repeatedly they would like to live with me.

Question 1: Is the divorce decree still valid if we were having "relations" before, during and after the trial?

Question 2: What does OK law state about children deciding which parent has custody?

 

[Michael Wechsler]

A decree is a decree. The fact that you didn't say anything is really your fault, unfortunately. With regard to custody of the children, you may need to go to court to compel visitation. As she has had custody for a long period of time, most states would probably be reluctant to give you sole custody, perhaps shared custody or supervised visitation. Merely not letting you see the children without more would likely not be enough to all of a sudden alter a custody order.... and it makes sense if you think about it.

 

[Tinman]

Thank you for the prompt reply. I still am questioning the validity of the divorce decree since we have cohabitated so many times. Do you know where I could find information on this?

 

[Michael Wechsler]

Why do you think that cohabitation should undo the divorce decree?

 

[Tinman]

I thought there might be something about cohabitation nullifying the divorce. Can you tell me the Oklahoma requirements for common-law marriage?

 

[Michael Wechsler]

An Oklahoma attorney specializing in domestic relations sent me the following reply. If you wish, we can put you in contact with him:

I was showing the boss your web page and noticed the individual
out of Tulsa whose wife had divorced him. It seems he was complaining that he got the short end of the stick for failing to appear at the time of the hearing. I believe he had a couple of issues. Whether or not the divorce decree could be set aside and obtaining custody of his children. Out of the custody issue he was asking about the age children needed to be before they could decide which parent they want to live with.

Divorce decree thing obviously isn't going to happen unless there was fraud of some kind. Custody could be approached through a modification. In a modification, the Court considers what is in the best interests of the minor children as it pertains to their mental, physical and moral welfare. The Court, in awarding custody, must also consider which parent is most likely to encourage visitation with the other parent.

Finally, there is no specific age at which a child can "decide" where he/she wants to live. Our statute states that a Court may take into consideration the wishes of a child when he/she is of an age sufficient to express an intelligent opinion as to his/her preferences.