KMonroe913
New Member
Hi. I'll warn you now, this will definately get a bit lengthy, and I'm sorry about that, but I don't know where else to turn. All my research leads me to more questions and I'm at the emotional breaking point right now. My days a filled with tears and my sleep is consumed by chronic nightmares- the stress is literally killing me.
My family are wretched people. Not by choice, but their sociological perception is really misconstrued and it's non-reversable because it's been passed on from generation to generation. We live in northern Kentucky and people are pretty conservative for the most part and the majority of my entire family is extremely conformist and happy to be that way. Which is fine for them, but when it becomes a war where a child's well being is at stake, that's where the problems begin.
At the start of this year, my fiance and I had both lost our jobs and we got stuck between a rock and a hard place. We were approved for food stamps and we had applied for a medical card for Savannah (which was later approved, of course, but that's whatever...) Anyway, my sisters approached my ficane (Chris) and I wish signing over temporary guardianship.
Now, I know my family. I knew it was a trap and I told everyone it was, but no one listened to me. They wormed their way between Chris and I and ultimately, I was pressured into taking a leap of faith that I knew was going to backfire.
We went to the District Court to sign the agreement and I knew something wasn't right. I asked the lady in the office what the details of this agreement were and told her that I wasn't signing anything until I know exactly what I was signing. The woman was vague and unhelpful and instead of recieving an answer, my sister (the one with guardianship) got inches from my ear and said, "If you don't do this today, I'm going to force this on you." Immediately, I began crying and although I now think I should have stood up for myself right then and there, I ran out of the building to avoid a scene (I was afraid that my sister was going to pin me in a corner emotionally, like she's always does to everyone- it makes her feel better about her own miserable life- and I didn't want to cause a scene in a place of law).
So, they kept saying things that were optimistic and persuasive, like "This is only so that she can go to a Ft. Thomas school, instead of a crappy Dayton one," and "People do this all the time, we're not taking her away from you." They were saying how we're cheating the system legally and that this was advice from their friend, a judge in the family law court. And as soon as they came outside, their tone changed from optimistic to authority-like.
Shortly after, the phrases began to match the new negative tone. My sister began saying things like, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS! You signed the paper and now I make the rules!" and "Every little mistake you make is another 6 months without your daughter!" And it's been personal harrassment ever since.
My sister said that if we were both working (Chris and I) for 6 months, she'd write a letter to the judge and we'd get Savannah back. Now I learn that we both have to write a letter to the judge, but no one would explain that process to me in the begninng and it's getting ridiculous. So we did, we were both employed for over 6 consecutive months and then I made the mistake of taking a better job offer before I got Savannah back. I was fired a week later because I wasn't "catching on" fast enough for the new business and I was unable to return to my previous workplace because I didn't give 2 weeks. That was definately a lesson learned, but anyway... when my sister found THAT out, it was back to square one with her.
Now she's getting so much out of control that she's denying my visitations with my daughter altogether, just because she doesn't like my point of view. It's become painfully obvious that the best interest of my daughter is no longer their priority, but instead, a tool to persuade my conformity to their standards.
For the record, they don't know me. They were cut out of my life by choice many years ago and what they do know of me is adding up to a completely outlandish opinion that is just as completely false. I had asked my sister to feed my cat last Christmas while we were in Illinois visiting Chris' family. We had left the apartment in disarray for lack of time and my sister took it upon herself to spread these nasty rumors that we were "living in filth and endangering our child". That's what she was refering to back in the courthouse when we signed the temporary guardianship papers to begin with, and she whispered that threat in my ear- she was going to use that ONE time she ever went into my apartment and those nasty false rumors to have social services take Savannah away and she was using the "better us than them" thing on me...
On Savannah's birthday, we didn't get her until almost bedtime. On Thanksgiving, my sister completely took the cake. She allowed us to have Savanah the day before, but not on Thanksgiving because she said that, "She needs to be with her family." To which we replied, "WE ARE her family!" And as we were leaving, I as usual started crying and ran outside... she followed us out and as I was trying to get in my car and leave without a fight (in order to secure my next visit with Savannah, because she always takes away my right to see her whenever she gets mad at me, even if it was nothing to do with my child), she demands to know why we won't spend thanksgiving with her! LOL I lost it. I know I shouldn't have, but I did... you can only push an emotionally sensitive person so much, and she is well aware of my buttons (which is why she chased us outside to begin with) and when we told her that we're Savannah's family and we're not obigated to participate in HER family because we can't stand her or her lifestyle, she started screaming for all the neighbors to hear, "Get out of here before I call the cops and have you arrested!" So of course, I retaliated, "CALL THEM! Maybe you'll understand reality when it backfires on you, psycho!"
Then, she yelled, "Krista, I'm not kidding GET OUT OF HERE NOW! GET A JOB AND DON'T COME BACK FOR SIX MONTHS!!!"
When I *DO* get to see Savannah (when I suck up to my sister or do her a favor), what I have found every single time is this:
She's never fed before she goes to school. No one but me helps her with her homework (she tells me that everytime, and her packets are always mostly blank except what she does by herself before playtime- she's SUCH a good girl, she doesn't deserve any of this and she's been such a trooper, bless her heart). Also, she's got fines already! She's a kindergartener and she already owes her school money because my sister won't keep track of her library books (she says, "Eh, that's why my kids don't check out books.")
Savannah tells me everytime I get her that she doesn't want to go back there, that she's always hungry, and when I bring it up to my sister, she says that I put that in her head and it's not reality! WTF?!
So here's the reality of me:
I'm currently enrolled in school working towards my career because I don't have the personality type to work in a dead end job that doesn't pay worth a damn... So my fiance has agreed to work while I go to school and then when I'm making sufficient income to support us, he's going back to school. We're not the first parents to do that, and I refuse to believe that me not having a job right now is grounds to lose my daughter, when all the other factors in childcare have been ignored! I know what I'm doing when it comes to my daughter.. I have raised her so far to be absolutely unbelievable! She's great! She's 5 and reading better than my sister's 10 year old son almost. She knows sign language and some spanish and she loves art and music just like her mommy. As far as parenting skills, I know I'm better suited to meet the needs of my daughter because I was trained for it! I spent my time in Florida (before moving back here a year and a half ago, which is why we fell so hard so easily to begin with- new life, new place) working with school age kids. I trained in early childhood development with the Department of Children and Families. I even won "Childcare Professional of the Year" as an after school counselor. No one who doesn't know the real me can ever tell me I'm a bad mother because it's completely untrue and I'm officially sick of this. I'm not always going to be pressed for money, and I know that my daughters needs come before my own and I know that there are programs available for parents like Chris and I.. I know how to jump over the hurdles that come my way and it's not my sister's right to decide which hurdles are which because of sociological differences (is it?!).
We live in a safe place in her current school district (we've moved out of the "pig pen" as my sister called it because she wouldn't let that go for anything, even though she had witness the ONLY time the house was a mess and refused to come in to see otherwise after that). We've got food in our bellies, a roof over our head, a car that's paid off and insured, we've always got one of us available to stay with Savannah when she's not in school, and we've got a tangible, realistic set of goals and steps to achieve success.
Technically, we had every reason to get her back months ago, but my sister keeps playing God... (despite her own issues, for example I witnessed them distributing moonshine out of mason jars back in July from their home when I stopped by to see my parents who were in from FL, and all the times she's ever screamed at her own kids and called her son stupid on a regular bassis- it's little things like that which enrage me because she has NO room to attack my character like she has).
Now, I finally found out that I have to write a letter to the judge (I don't know who is handling my case because my sisters never informed us of any hearing, and I don't understand how they could have a hearing about an agreement between them and us with out us there, but whatever...) and take my sister to court over this. This is why I am writing today..
What am I supposed to write in this letter? How am I supposed to address a letter when I don't know WHO to address in the first place? Where do I take it when I'm done? How many copies should I make and who gets any if necessary? How long will it take to get my daughter out of that hell hole and back where she belongs? What is the judge looking for and what details from my situation could support or counterbalance that? Am I nuts for thinking that I'm being treated unjustly in the first place???
My biggest fear is that Savannah thinks we abandoned her. It's killing me.
My family are wretched people. Not by choice, but their sociological perception is really misconstrued and it's non-reversable because it's been passed on from generation to generation. We live in northern Kentucky and people are pretty conservative for the most part and the majority of my entire family is extremely conformist and happy to be that way. Which is fine for them, but when it becomes a war where a child's well being is at stake, that's where the problems begin.
At the start of this year, my fiance and I had both lost our jobs and we got stuck between a rock and a hard place. We were approved for food stamps and we had applied for a medical card for Savannah (which was later approved, of course, but that's whatever...) Anyway, my sisters approached my ficane (Chris) and I wish signing over temporary guardianship.
Now, I know my family. I knew it was a trap and I told everyone it was, but no one listened to me. They wormed their way between Chris and I and ultimately, I was pressured into taking a leap of faith that I knew was going to backfire.
We went to the District Court to sign the agreement and I knew something wasn't right. I asked the lady in the office what the details of this agreement were and told her that I wasn't signing anything until I know exactly what I was signing. The woman was vague and unhelpful and instead of recieving an answer, my sister (the one with guardianship) got inches from my ear and said, "If you don't do this today, I'm going to force this on you." Immediately, I began crying and although I now think I should have stood up for myself right then and there, I ran out of the building to avoid a scene (I was afraid that my sister was going to pin me in a corner emotionally, like she's always does to everyone- it makes her feel better about her own miserable life- and I didn't want to cause a scene in a place of law).
So, they kept saying things that were optimistic and persuasive, like "This is only so that she can go to a Ft. Thomas school, instead of a crappy Dayton one," and "People do this all the time, we're not taking her away from you." They were saying how we're cheating the system legally and that this was advice from their friend, a judge in the family law court. And as soon as they came outside, their tone changed from optimistic to authority-like.
Shortly after, the phrases began to match the new negative tone. My sister began saying things like, "YOU HAVE NO RIGHTS! You signed the paper and now I make the rules!" and "Every little mistake you make is another 6 months without your daughter!" And it's been personal harrassment ever since.
My sister said that if we were both working (Chris and I) for 6 months, she'd write a letter to the judge and we'd get Savannah back. Now I learn that we both have to write a letter to the judge, but no one would explain that process to me in the begninng and it's getting ridiculous. So we did, we were both employed for over 6 consecutive months and then I made the mistake of taking a better job offer before I got Savannah back. I was fired a week later because I wasn't "catching on" fast enough for the new business and I was unable to return to my previous workplace because I didn't give 2 weeks. That was definately a lesson learned, but anyway... when my sister found THAT out, it was back to square one with her.
Now she's getting so much out of control that she's denying my visitations with my daughter altogether, just because she doesn't like my point of view. It's become painfully obvious that the best interest of my daughter is no longer their priority, but instead, a tool to persuade my conformity to their standards.
For the record, they don't know me. They were cut out of my life by choice many years ago and what they do know of me is adding up to a completely outlandish opinion that is just as completely false. I had asked my sister to feed my cat last Christmas while we were in Illinois visiting Chris' family. We had left the apartment in disarray for lack of time and my sister took it upon herself to spread these nasty rumors that we were "living in filth and endangering our child". That's what she was refering to back in the courthouse when we signed the temporary guardianship papers to begin with, and she whispered that threat in my ear- she was going to use that ONE time she ever went into my apartment and those nasty false rumors to have social services take Savannah away and she was using the "better us than them" thing on me...
On Savannah's birthday, we didn't get her until almost bedtime. On Thanksgiving, my sister completely took the cake. She allowed us to have Savanah the day before, but not on Thanksgiving because she said that, "She needs to be with her family." To which we replied, "WE ARE her family!" And as we were leaving, I as usual started crying and ran outside... she followed us out and as I was trying to get in my car and leave without a fight (in order to secure my next visit with Savannah, because she always takes away my right to see her whenever she gets mad at me, even if it was nothing to do with my child), she demands to know why we won't spend thanksgiving with her! LOL I lost it. I know I shouldn't have, but I did... you can only push an emotionally sensitive person so much, and she is well aware of my buttons (which is why she chased us outside to begin with) and when we told her that we're Savannah's family and we're not obigated to participate in HER family because we can't stand her or her lifestyle, she started screaming for all the neighbors to hear, "Get out of here before I call the cops and have you arrested!" So of course, I retaliated, "CALL THEM! Maybe you'll understand reality when it backfires on you, psycho!"
Then, she yelled, "Krista, I'm not kidding GET OUT OF HERE NOW! GET A JOB AND DON'T COME BACK FOR SIX MONTHS!!!"
When I *DO* get to see Savannah (when I suck up to my sister or do her a favor), what I have found every single time is this:
She's never fed before she goes to school. No one but me helps her with her homework (she tells me that everytime, and her packets are always mostly blank except what she does by herself before playtime- she's SUCH a good girl, she doesn't deserve any of this and she's been such a trooper, bless her heart). Also, she's got fines already! She's a kindergartener and she already owes her school money because my sister won't keep track of her library books (she says, "Eh, that's why my kids don't check out books.")
Savannah tells me everytime I get her that she doesn't want to go back there, that she's always hungry, and when I bring it up to my sister, she says that I put that in her head and it's not reality! WTF?!
So here's the reality of me:
I'm currently enrolled in school working towards my career because I don't have the personality type to work in a dead end job that doesn't pay worth a damn... So my fiance has agreed to work while I go to school and then when I'm making sufficient income to support us, he's going back to school. We're not the first parents to do that, and I refuse to believe that me not having a job right now is grounds to lose my daughter, when all the other factors in childcare have been ignored! I know what I'm doing when it comes to my daughter.. I have raised her so far to be absolutely unbelievable! She's great! She's 5 and reading better than my sister's 10 year old son almost. She knows sign language and some spanish and she loves art and music just like her mommy. As far as parenting skills, I know I'm better suited to meet the needs of my daughter because I was trained for it! I spent my time in Florida (before moving back here a year and a half ago, which is why we fell so hard so easily to begin with- new life, new place) working with school age kids. I trained in early childhood development with the Department of Children and Families. I even won "Childcare Professional of the Year" as an after school counselor. No one who doesn't know the real me can ever tell me I'm a bad mother because it's completely untrue and I'm officially sick of this. I'm not always going to be pressed for money, and I know that my daughters needs come before my own and I know that there are programs available for parents like Chris and I.. I know how to jump over the hurdles that come my way and it's not my sister's right to decide which hurdles are which because of sociological differences (is it?!).
We live in a safe place in her current school district (we've moved out of the "pig pen" as my sister called it because she wouldn't let that go for anything, even though she had witness the ONLY time the house was a mess and refused to come in to see otherwise after that). We've got food in our bellies, a roof over our head, a car that's paid off and insured, we've always got one of us available to stay with Savannah when she's not in school, and we've got a tangible, realistic set of goals and steps to achieve success.
Technically, we had every reason to get her back months ago, but my sister keeps playing God... (despite her own issues, for example I witnessed them distributing moonshine out of mason jars back in July from their home when I stopped by to see my parents who were in from FL, and all the times she's ever screamed at her own kids and called her son stupid on a regular bassis- it's little things like that which enrage me because she has NO room to attack my character like she has).
Now, I finally found out that I have to write a letter to the judge (I don't know who is handling my case because my sisters never informed us of any hearing, and I don't understand how they could have a hearing about an agreement between them and us with out us there, but whatever...) and take my sister to court over this. This is why I am writing today..
What am I supposed to write in this letter? How am I supposed to address a letter when I don't know WHO to address in the first place? Where do I take it when I'm done? How many copies should I make and who gets any if necessary? How long will it take to get my daughter out of that hell hole and back where she belongs? What is the judge looking for and what details from my situation could support or counterbalance that? Am I nuts for thinking that I'm being treated unjustly in the first place???
My biggest fear is that Savannah thinks we abandoned her. It's killing me.
