Forgive me, I don't mean to sound like I'm pleading but this was a matter that was sprung upon us only an hour ago. This will be a bit long winded. I apologize in advance.
What's going on:
My husband and I have been trying to set up a permanent custodial agreement with his ex over his child with her. As of the moment she is the primary guardian as she is never in one place long enough to get anything set up. She has intentionally missed the last two scheduled court hearings. Now she is claiming that she is moving her out of state on the Feb. ninth. She has a horrible habit of disappearing with her for years at a time with no contact. Is there anything we can do to stop her from taking her out of state? Could we possibly get custody of her? Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I thank everyone who takes the time to read this and reply.
Facts to Note about the Ex's household:
-Custodial guardian regularly skips of the medication to keep her mentally balanced
-She moves them around about every 3 months because bills get let go or other reasons
-before her "current marriage" she went through many partners. (4 engagements in 4 years)
-She had at one point and may still be doing drugs. (this is not proven but people around have said they've seen her using again)
-Had problems getting child in questions glasses that she needed for more then two years but had no issue going to see bands play and have drinks on a regular basis (first time we found out about this we took her to get her eyes examined and to get her glasses)
-She fills her head with lies about my husband not wanting to see her and the reasons why he hasn't tried to contact her.
-She did finish college and has a degree for substitute teaching
-she seems to do well with getting jobs but doesn't seem to be very good at keeping them more then a few months.
-My step daughter is only allowed to eat three meals a day. She has lost weight since they moved back to state.
-She claims her stepfather hits her and her half sister. When I ask about it she doesn't want to talk about it. I've noticed she flinches when adults move too quickly around her.
-She is having lots of trouble at school because they're never in one place long enough for her to get used to what they're doing. This move will make the fourth school since the start of the school year.
-Claims to have only been to see a dentist once in her life (her half sister says the same thing)
-Says that her biological mother and stepfather fight a lot. (verbal as far as I know)
I hate to say she's a bad mother. Her children obviously love her. When she's taking her meds she's not a bad person to be around. But there is enough going on that we are concerned about it.
The Back story:
My husband and his ex were never married but they did have a daughter together who is now eight years old and; born in Alabama. During the first time she disappeared with her they were in the process of setting up a custody agreement as they were separated as a couple at the time. Needless to say since the courts couldn't find her there was nothing that could be done. My husband pays his child support every week but even when they supposedly had a valid address for her they would even bother to him if she was even alive. "You're just the father you have no right to know" (That is an exact quote from the lady on the phone at the time)
From the time she was two year old till she was five we couldn't track her down. Finally the year she turned five she called out of the blue and ask if he wanted to still be in her life. Obvious answer there. So for Easter we were allowed to have her.. When she showed up she was covered head to toe in dirt. Had several strange bruises and head lice so bad there were dime sized sores on her head (that her mother had no idea about apparently and denied not to inform us). During the two days she spent with us we treated her hair and everything in the house and she went to stay with her mother for the night, scheduled to return to us for the next night. When we went to pick her up there was no sign of them anywhere. It wasn't for two months till we had heard from them. Between Easter and then they'd lived in three different states.
Phone communications kept up for about 5 months before the numbers and addresses started changing rapidly again. The child saying how her mother told her that we wanting nothing to do with her because we didn't call or write. How could we when the letters were coming back with "this person doesn't live here" and the phones are disconnected.
However the summer of 08 they moved back into the state. His ex had married and seemed to be settling down. We thought things were looking up again. We started getting her every other week and my husband went to the courts to get a permanent custody agreement set up since she was (hopefully) finally staying put this time. That's when it started again.
Since they've been in Indiana they have moved school districts three times, soon to be four. My stepdaughter complains that she's doing poorly in school, has no friends, is only allowed to eat three times a day (she's skin and bones and has actually lost a decent bit of weight since the summer) The thought that my step daughter might be in this situation really bugs the daylights out of me. But I don't have enough evidence to say if its simply disciplinary or something more.
The main reason she moved up her was because the money ran out after her mother passed away from cancer. My step daughter had a very hard time with watching her grandmother pass as she was the one that mainly took care of her and her sister. She's still having trouble getting over it. The reason they're moving down to Georgia is because an immediate relative of her husband is dying from the same thing. They're going down to take care of him and act as his power of attorney. I have the feeling they're only going down there to live off of all the assistance he's getting until he passes and the money runs out. She's done it before. I really don't want my step daughter to have to watch someone die like that all over again so soon. I don't want her sister to either. Unfortunately there's not much we can do for her in the way of guardianship (to my knowledge).
About our home situation:
-We have two daughters of our own, ages three and one.
-We have our own home
-My husband is a top three manager at his work
-I work from home
-No drugs, only an occasional drink on special occasions but no alcohol on premises.
-We don't fight we do time out talks where each of us takes turn to sit down and listen to what's bothering the other person without interrupting so we can figure out a way together to get through it. I'm not saying we don't get frustrated with each other but we have found better ways of solving the issue then brooding about it for ages and letting it blow up.
-My husband did suffer from pancreatitis a couple months ago and we are paying off a decent size medical bill because of the surgeries but it does not affect the household in anyway.
I don't see what reason there would be that we may not be able to stop her other then there being no custodial agreement of visitations and such. We love her so much and just want her to be somewhere stable. I can't count how many times my husband has cried over missing her. Not knowing if she's got a roof over her head or food in her belly. I know the court system tends to go for the mother in the majority of cases. Sadly the few fathers who DO want to be there for their children have a really hard time getting anywhere in the system.
What's going on:
My husband and I have been trying to set up a permanent custodial agreement with his ex over his child with her. As of the moment she is the primary guardian as she is never in one place long enough to get anything set up. She has intentionally missed the last two scheduled court hearings. Now she is claiming that she is moving her out of state on the Feb. ninth. She has a horrible habit of disappearing with her for years at a time with no contact. Is there anything we can do to stop her from taking her out of state? Could we possibly get custody of her? Any help or suggestions would be greatly appreciated. I thank everyone who takes the time to read this and reply.
Facts to Note about the Ex's household:
-Custodial guardian regularly skips of the medication to keep her mentally balanced
-She moves them around about every 3 months because bills get let go or other reasons
-before her "current marriage" she went through many partners. (4 engagements in 4 years)
-She had at one point and may still be doing drugs. (this is not proven but people around have said they've seen her using again)
-Had problems getting child in questions glasses that she needed for more then two years but had no issue going to see bands play and have drinks on a regular basis (first time we found out about this we took her to get her eyes examined and to get her glasses)
-She fills her head with lies about my husband not wanting to see her and the reasons why he hasn't tried to contact her.
-She did finish college and has a degree for substitute teaching
-she seems to do well with getting jobs but doesn't seem to be very good at keeping them more then a few months.
-My step daughter is only allowed to eat three meals a day. She has lost weight since they moved back to state.
-She claims her stepfather hits her and her half sister. When I ask about it she doesn't want to talk about it. I've noticed she flinches when adults move too quickly around her.
-She is having lots of trouble at school because they're never in one place long enough for her to get used to what they're doing. This move will make the fourth school since the start of the school year.
-Claims to have only been to see a dentist once in her life (her half sister says the same thing)
-Says that her biological mother and stepfather fight a lot. (verbal as far as I know)
I hate to say she's a bad mother. Her children obviously love her. When she's taking her meds she's not a bad person to be around. But there is enough going on that we are concerned about it.
The Back story:
My husband and his ex were never married but they did have a daughter together who is now eight years old and; born in Alabama. During the first time she disappeared with her they were in the process of setting up a custody agreement as they were separated as a couple at the time. Needless to say since the courts couldn't find her there was nothing that could be done. My husband pays his child support every week but even when they supposedly had a valid address for her they would even bother to him if she was even alive. "You're just the father you have no right to know" (That is an exact quote from the lady on the phone at the time)
From the time she was two year old till she was five we couldn't track her down. Finally the year she turned five she called out of the blue and ask if he wanted to still be in her life. Obvious answer there. So for Easter we were allowed to have her.. When she showed up she was covered head to toe in dirt. Had several strange bruises and head lice so bad there were dime sized sores on her head (that her mother had no idea about apparently and denied not to inform us). During the two days she spent with us we treated her hair and everything in the house and she went to stay with her mother for the night, scheduled to return to us for the next night. When we went to pick her up there was no sign of them anywhere. It wasn't for two months till we had heard from them. Between Easter and then they'd lived in three different states.
Phone communications kept up for about 5 months before the numbers and addresses started changing rapidly again. The child saying how her mother told her that we wanting nothing to do with her because we didn't call or write. How could we when the letters were coming back with "this person doesn't live here" and the phones are disconnected.
However the summer of 08 they moved back into the state. His ex had married and seemed to be settling down. We thought things were looking up again. We started getting her every other week and my husband went to the courts to get a permanent custody agreement set up since she was (hopefully) finally staying put this time. That's when it started again.
Since they've been in Indiana they have moved school districts three times, soon to be four. My stepdaughter complains that she's doing poorly in school, has no friends, is only allowed to eat three times a day (she's skin and bones and has actually lost a decent bit of weight since the summer) The thought that my step daughter might be in this situation really bugs the daylights out of me. But I don't have enough evidence to say if its simply disciplinary or something more.
The main reason she moved up her was because the money ran out after her mother passed away from cancer. My step daughter had a very hard time with watching her grandmother pass as she was the one that mainly took care of her and her sister. She's still having trouble getting over it. The reason they're moving down to Georgia is because an immediate relative of her husband is dying from the same thing. They're going down to take care of him and act as his power of attorney. I have the feeling they're only going down there to live off of all the assistance he's getting until he passes and the money runs out. She's done it before. I really don't want my step daughter to have to watch someone die like that all over again so soon. I don't want her sister to either. Unfortunately there's not much we can do for her in the way of guardianship (to my knowledge).
About our home situation:
-We have two daughters of our own, ages three and one.
-We have our own home
-My husband is a top three manager at his work
-I work from home
-No drugs, only an occasional drink on special occasions but no alcohol on premises.
-We don't fight we do time out talks where each of us takes turn to sit down and listen to what's bothering the other person without interrupting so we can figure out a way together to get through it. I'm not saying we don't get frustrated with each other but we have found better ways of solving the issue then brooding about it for ages and letting it blow up.
-My husband did suffer from pancreatitis a couple months ago and we are paying off a decent size medical bill because of the surgeries but it does not affect the household in anyway.
I don't see what reason there would be that we may not be able to stop her other then there being no custodial agreement of visitations and such. We love her so much and just want her to be somewhere stable. I can't count how many times my husband has cried over missing her. Not knowing if she's got a roof over her head or food in her belly. I know the court system tends to go for the mother in the majority of cases. Sadly the few fathers who DO want to be there for their children have a really hard time getting anywhere in the system.
