Can I stop the adoption of my nephew?

[drafting1442]

My nephew was in the DHR system until April of last year; his mother was/is on drugs when he was taken. When my husband and I asked about getting custody of him we were told we couldn't since his father was in the picture trying to get him. We were friends with his father and he brought him to see us often. Now his father has committed suicide. Upon the father's passing my husband and I tried to get custody of him through DHR. They decided that they liked the father's sister better than us (rumor is she is related to the case worker...many things don't add up). Anyways, we petitioned the court and worked out a deal so we get manditory visits with him (better than nothing). Now the aunt is trying to adopt him. We have no idea where his mom is right now. She had wrote us a letter a few months ago & said the aunt bribed her into signing adoption papers. We reported this to DHR since they have to do a home study for the adoption. They ignored it and said we were lying.
We are extremely worried about the child. He has become very introverted & constantly talks bad about his aunt (we don't talk about her so I know it is not coming from us). He says she is mean, but won't elaborate. He says he can't talk to anyone because she will find out and he will get in lots of trouble. This is not something that you expect an 8 year old to be telling you. The last time he was at the house he had a bruise on his side where her boyfriend whipped him. He said it was because he used her hair gel. He also constantly tells us that she doesn't understand with his father being dead. We don't know what to do. I have contacted his school counsilor, but I don't know if she is watching him closely or not.
Is there anyway we can get the adoption stopped? We no longer trust the DHR system. They are all a bunch of crooks here in my county. They don't care about the kids at all. I am about to graduate with a civil engineering degree and my husband is a certified mechanic. We have been married for 4 years and together for 9. We both work good jobs and the child has lived with us before all of this. The aunt is a single mom who doesn't work and lives with her boyfriend. We believe she only wants the check that is involved with keeping the child.
Thanks in advance for any help tha tcan be provided on this matter. We are running out of options. The whole situation has me to where I don't sleep good at night.

 

[Proserpina]

Please consult with an attorney. What you're trying to do is not a DIY project and social services have evidently decided that you're not the best placement for the child.

 

[Duranie]

You need an attorney plain and simple.

 

[BGardner]

Adoption of nephew

I am not a lawyer, so I cannot give legal advice, but in my case I filed a petition for custody. It is good that you have (or had) a relationship with your nephew. That should help you in court. I am a family advocate and work with many families across Alabama, that are having problems with DHR.

 

[lonelyinny]

no you cant

My nephew was in the DHR system until April of last year; his mother was/is on drugs when he was taken. When my husband and I asked about getting custody of him we were told we couldn't since his father was in the picture trying to get him. We were friends with his father and he brought him to see us often. Now his father has committed suicide. Upon the father's passing my husband and I tried to get custody of him through DHR. They decided that they liked the father's sister better than us (rumor is she is related to the case worker...many things don't add up). Anyways, we petitioned the court and worked out a deal so we get manditory visits with him (better than nothing). Now the aunt is trying to adopt him. We have no idea where his mom is right now. She had wrote us a letter a few months ago & said the aunt bribed her into signing adoption papers. We reported this to DHR since they have to do a home study for the adoption. They ignored it and said we were lying.
We are extremely worried about the child. He has become very introverted & constantly talks bad about his aunt (we don't talk about her so I know it is not coming from us). He says she is mean, but won't elaborate. He says he can't talk to anyone because she will find out and he will get in lots of trouble. This is not something that you expect an 8 year old to be telling you. The last time he was at the house he had a bruise on his side where her boyfriend whipped him. He said it was because he used her hair gel. He also constantly tells us that she doesn't understand with his father being dead. We don't know what to do. I have contacted his school counsilor, but I don't know if she is watching him closely or not.
Is there anyway we can get the adoption stopped? We no longer trust the DHR system. They are all a bunch of crooks here in my county. They don't care about the kids at all. I am about to graduate with a civil engineering degree and my husband is a certified mechanic. We have been married for 4 years and together for 9. We both work good jobs and the child has lived with us before all of this. The aunt is a single mom who doesn't work and lives with her boyfriend. We believe she only wants the check that is involved with keeping the child.
Thanks in advance for any help tha tcan be provided on this matter. We are running out of options. The whole situation has me to where I don't sleep good at night.

sorry, but you have no standing to stop the adoption. you are a legal stranger to this child, and the usually if they can try to place the child with family first. and btw, the aunts personal life is no business of yours.

 

[Proserpina]

sorry, but you have no standing to stop the adoption. you are a legal stranger to this child, and the usually if they can try to place the child with family first. and btw, the aunts personal life is no business of yours.

Please - stop this nonsense. These people could WELL have standing to stop an adoption of this nature.

 

[BGardner]

First of all the mother's paternal rights have to be terminated before anyone can adopt him. This aunt and uncle have just as much "standing" in the case as the aunt that has the child now. Obviously this aunt and uncle aren't "legal strangers" because they have been in the child's life since he was born. Anyone that has a relationship with a child can file a petition for custody. I've done it several times. The court clerk can tell you how to do it. Also, if anyone thinks a child is being abused, they have a duty to report it. It's not the Aunt's business, it's society's business. This should not be considered legal advice, but you should call an attorney.

 

[lonelyinny]

no

Please - stop this nonsense. These people could WELL have standing to stop an adoption of this nature.

yes if they were the parents-but theyre not.

 

[Proserpina]

yes if they were the parents-but theyre not.

You're not reading.

The original poster may well have standing to sue for custody - because in this situation, one parent is dead, and the other parent is AWOL.

Both the OP and the other Aunt in this situation are the siblings of one or the other parent - because one sibling already has standing to try to adopt, the courts may well allow the other sibling to file for custody.

 

[BGardner]

If they were the parents they would not have to adopt the child. The child is already theirs. Actually the child can be adopted by anyone (if the court sees fit) if both parents rights have been terminated. The courts are supposed to do what is in the best interest of the child, NOT what's in the best interest of the person that was lucky enough to get custody of the child first.

 

[Ditaloca]

I am new here and not an attorney, I have some experience in dealing with custody issues, so I thought I might just ask a few questions.

It would appear for whatever reason child services doesn't think you are the best 'fit' I know you feel its a favoritism issue but, why DO THEY believe the other aunt is a better 'fit'?

Not trying to be rude but this child has been through a huge amount of trauma in a relatively short period of time. Is this worth traumatizing him?

Also kids don't always tell the truth are you sure he is being totally honest. He says he cant speak with you because his aunt said he would get in trouble, if true that is bad but are you sure that he isn't just saying she told him that because he knows his reasons for calling her mean are unjust ....like what if he thinks she is mean because she wont let him eat ice cream or she makes him go to bed earlier than he wants to... Knowing why he thinks she is mean is really crucial. He refusal to clarify leads me to think there is something he is hiding. Maybe he thinks it will hurt your feelings if he tells you he likes his other aunt and would rather live there.

Also if he is fearful of her and uses this as an excuse then why is he telling you ANYTHING at all .... DO you see the contradiction? I cant tell you because Ill be in trouble, but at the same time I am breaking the rule simply because I told you and I dont worry about being in trouble for telling this secret....Sounds fishy.

Also this boy likely has abandonment issues, maybe it comforts him to pit you against his aunt, going from a mom that walked away from him for drugs and a dad that chose death over fatherhood to a situation where he has two adults FIGHTING to have him might be comforting to him.



I personally think a professional psych analysis and counseling is your next best course of action! Someone who can get around his walls and give a objective view might help clear up the issues.

Additionally its best to be careful how you handle this, you don't want to encourage him to start using lies to manipulate others but you also want him to feel as though he can talk to you about anything and that you take what he says seriously.

Have you ever talked with the other aunt? what does she say?

is there any meaningful Communication between you and bio mom or you and the other aunt?

 

[jharris352]

You are going to need an attorney. Do not listen to DHR they are not the final word on ANYTHING. File an adoption petition and let a judge decide. It will be expensive and there is no way around that. I suppose it depends upon how much you want this child.