Can I move out of state?

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jaysma

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Just wondering...we have joint legal but I have sole physical custody. He has visits every other weekend and he moved 45 mins north of me, living on the border of NJ and NY now nearly 4 counties away. I live in central jersey..I dont' think any of that matters BUT. I am wondering if I can move to florida where most of my family has gone. My parents and 2 sisters are all I have here but my parents are getting older and my father is ill and they are putting their house on the market shortly and have been looking in Florida and plan to move. They are my support system in many ways. My mother is the one who watches my daughter after school while I am still at work. She drops her off at her after school activities and what not. As well if I am in a bind financially they help out. My question is there is nothing in our court order stating I can't leave but I always thought it was a given that I had to ask permission from the courts. What do I need to do in order to move? I have a great job here but I will need my parents when they leave as well my sister plans to move within a year after my parents so how does this work? Do I just file something? What would I file for? Are my excuses a good enough reason?
 
You can move, yeap. Absolutely.

But relocating the child is a different matter entirely.

How does DAD feel about it?
 
I haven't had an official talk with him about it I think I would rather wait until it gets closer to that time because it won't be for another year, BUT in the past he has told me he won't let us go if we want to leave and he will never let me have a life. He has a very controlling personality and he's nasty and I try to deal with him as little as possible because no matter what it's always an argument. So lets just say I tell him and he says a firm no. What then?

I will definitely speak to him but I figured I would wait until I have definite information of where exactly and when because if I know him he won't discuss anything with me until I give him info like that.
 
The burden of proof in NJ is on the relocating parent to show why the move is in the child's best interest. If that burden can be met, it's then up to the other parent to convince the court why the move shouldn't happen.

What are your reasons for moving?

So far all you've mentioned are your parents - that's not going to convince the court. Dad trumps your parents.

You would also expect to pay ALL of the transportation costs to and from Dad, and be willing to offer a very generous long-distance parenting plan (where you'd lose most of the summer, incidentally).
 
It's like I am damned if I do damned if I don't. My parents would help foot the bill to send her to see her father if that was the only issue at hand. I read your post and I text him and said I am thinking of moving to Florida next year, you would be able to get visits with your daughter during times off from school. Does this pose a problem for you? His response was "Yes a big problem" I text back saying why? He said because he doesn't get enough time with her like he would want to because of me...he currently gets every other weekend which I feel is pretty standard. My response was that he has what most families in this situation get as well my family is who helps with her not him and he lives too far to help with those things because of his choice to move and if he were here I would be able to ask him for those things and he would get to see her extra from time to time...

So I assume I would have to go out there and find a better job
 
Seriously - Dad has a great point.

Why on earth should HIS parenting time be compromised? He gets every other weekend - and you're seriously not understanding why he might be a tad upset at losing regular contact with his child?

No. You need the job offer - and it'd better be a decent one - BEFORE you even think of relocating.

And even then, you're going to have to answer the question of:

Why can't Dad have custody so you can go live closer to your family?

He's obviously a fit parent who wants to see his child....

And why can't you move closer to HIM? I mean really - if you're saying that he's not close enough for HIM to help you out..why don't you relocate closer to him?
 
Why would I move closer to a person who was physically abusive towards me? He has a past history of drug abuse and didn't see his daughter for a total of 3 years by choice. Although it may sound good this is a man who sees his child when it is good for him. I would rather do without the extra help from him and be further away from him. Just this last weekend he gave up his visitation saying he had "plans" didn't ask to swap weekends like I have and last 4th of July he gave up seeing his daughter because he went on vacation with his girlfriend for her birthday. This is just a few examples and he chooses these things. He gave up a weekend last summer because he was going sailing with his family. I told him she's his family and he said that it was for him, his girfriend and his sons and not our daughter. So really is this a man that wants regular contact with his child? I don't see it as so. My daughter refused to see him for 3 months within the last year because he was verbally abusive and she feared him.

At this point I send her because I have to not because I want to at all because she complains about going every time.
 
Also my reasoning for going would be the support system for US not me...I am ok alone it is more for my child. We lived with my parents for 6 years and she is very close with them, they currently live a half a mile from us on the same road and my mother is involved in my daughters daily life. As well I would NEVER go anywhere without my daughter. I haven't even been on a vacation without her since I had her almost 11 years ago.
 
jaysma said:
Why would I move closer to a person who was physically abusive towards me? He has a past history of drug abuse and didn't see his daughter for a total of 3 years by choice. Although it may sound good this is a man who sees his child when it is good for him. I would rather do without the extra help from him and be further away from him. Just this last weekend he gave up his visitation saying he had "plans" didn't ask to swap weekends like I have and last 4th of July he gave up seeing his daughter because he went on vacation with his girlfriend for her birthday. This is just a few examples and he chooses these things. He gave up a weekend last summer because he was going sailing with his family. I told him she's his family and he said that it was for him, his girfriend and his sons and not our daughter. So really is this a man that wants regular contact with his child? I don't see it as so. My daughter refused to see him for 3 months within the last year because he was verbally abusive and she feared him.

At this point I send her because I have to not because I want to at all because she complains about going every time.
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So go to court and get permission to relocate. You've got an uphill battle though.

And really - you're letting your 10 year old CHILD decide such things?

YOU could end up in serious hot water for that. The last thing you want is Dad getting custody, right?
 
We have already gone to court for that situation. We had witnesses she called her father and said I am hurt and upset and don't want to see you he said fine when your ready call me. He didn't contact her for months after and that was only after I took him to court to try and get supervised visits.
 
Yes, yes, we know your history from the other forum.

Go to court to get permission to relocate.

Expect an uphill battle.

Again, in NJ the burden of proof is on the relocating parent.
 
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