but he moved...

carriem1282

New Member
Jurisdiction
Ohio
Hi.
When I left my husband, I didn't have a place to go. I gave him the house-- long story but I didn't feel it was right for me to stay if I was the one initiating the divorce. I stayed in various places until I found a permanent place. I didn't want to drag my children through that, so I had no choice but to let them stay with dad (he's a good dad). When I found my own place (about six months later) we were only about 10 minutes from each other so when our paper work became final, I kept the kids after school and weekends and they stayed during the weeknights so as to not disturb their schooling.

fast forward a couple of years: dad and I are both remarried to other people. we both have permanent residences BUT he moved them outside of our county.

I was under the impression he could do whatever he wanted and I had no place to object this move until I read my paperwork which says that he shall not move the children outside of our county or a county adjacent thereto without written consent from me or through the courts (if we can't agree).

because of this move, the kids are now 30 minutes from me. I can't see them everyday like I did before because that'd be too much driving and they'd be reduced to time with me in a car. and now I'm only left with weekends.

I want things to change, but he acts as though he's the sole parent of the kids and I have to ask his permission for everything. according to the paperwork, we have joint legal custody.

I'm so upset by this and sick to my stomach. I don't want to uproot the kids, but I want our time spent to be more fair and even and I want him to stop thinking he's the be all end all.

help? I'm more than willing to be workable. I just want fairness.
 
Hi.
When I left my husband, I didn't have a place to go. I gave him the house-- long story but I didn't feel it was right for me to stay if I was the one initiating the divorce. I stayed in various places until I found a permanent place. I didn't want to drag my children through that, so I had no choice but to let them stay with dad (he's a good dad). When I found my own place (about six months later) we were only about 10 minutes from each other so when our paper work became final, I kept the kids after school and weekends and they stayed during the weeknights so as to not disturb their schooling.

fast forward a couple of years: dad and I are both remarried to other people. we both have permanent residences BUT he moved them outside of our county.

I was under the impression he could do whatever he wanted and I had no place to object this move until I read my paperwork which says that he shall not move the children outside of our county or a county adjacent thereto without written consent from me or through the courts (if we can't agree).

because of this move, the kids are now 30 minutes from me. I can't see them everyday like I did before because that'd be too much driving and they'd be reduced to time with me in a car. and now I'm only left with weekends.

I want things to change, but he acts as though he's the sole parent of the kids and I have to ask his permission for everything. according to the paperwork, we have joint legal custody.

I'm so upset by this and sick to my stomach. I don't want to uproot the kids, but I want our time spent to be more fair and even and I want him to stop thinking he's the be all end all.

help? I'm more than willing to be workable. I just want fairness.

This is why it's so important to read ANY legal document. Holy shit 30 minutes? I wish my ex's kids had only been 30 minutes from us when I was married to him. I would have driven to pick them up and drop them off it was only 30 minutes. I went from 4 1/2 hours one way (so 9 hours round trip) to five hours round trip when we moved. Rarely did she meet us halfway which was like an hour drive for me.

If you have joint legal custody that means you can make legal decisions as well. But is there joint physical too? You need to go talk to a lawyer. ASAP. And from now on read EVERYTHING you get from the court.
 
30 minutes is NOT a lot but it totally is not in the kids best interest to be in a car for that amount of time-- especially since it was created essentially when I only lived 10 min away. Now they have sports and I work until 5. I'd only spend one hour with them before having to take them back home at a decent time to get to bed to go to school. it just sucks. thanks for your advice and I'll def be talking to someone very soon about this.
 
30 minutes is NOT a lot but it totally is not in the kids best interest to be in a car for that amount of time-- especially since it was created essentially when I only lived 10 min away. Now they have sports and I work until 5. I'd only spend one hour with them before having to take them back home at a decent time to get to bed to go to school. it just sucks. thanks for your advice and I'll def be talking to someone very soon about this.

So then you need to take him back to court. That's the bottomline you have to take him to court and you should have taken him when he moved. But now you have to - so go find a lawyer. Search for ones who do free consultations and even if you can't afford one you can get 30 minutes of free advice.
 
And are you sure that he is not in an adjacent county? 30 minutes is really not that far. This is only my opinion, but if he made that move quite some ago and you did not object at the time, I don't see a judge forcing him to move. If so, he could probably move somewhere within an adjacent county that could be further than 30 minutes, or maybe he moves and it's 20 or 25 minutes. Talk to a lawyer by all means, but trying to force him to move at this point could backfire on you. Be sure that it will be worth it. Heck I live in a fairly small town and it can take 30 minutes to get from one end of town to the other sometimes.
 
It sounds as if the move was to an adjacent county and your written consent want necessary.
However, the kids are older and circumstances may have changed a bit, so it seems you are due for a new visitation agreement anyway.
Time to head back to the family court/mediation and work that out.
 
I didn't want to drag my children through that, so I made a voluntary choice to let them stay with dad

ftfy

because of this move, the kids are now 30 minutes from me.

While the move may have been a violation of the divorce decree, 30 minutes is hardly a significant commute time.


This is a message board. We can answer questions about the law, but I'm not sure what your question is. If you want to seek a modification of the divorce decree, you're free to do so. However, if an objectively small, 30 minute commute is not something you're willing to deal with, then your options may be limited. Consult with a local family law attorney.

30 minutes is NOT a lot but it totally is not in the kids best interest to be in a car for that amount of time

Well...I suppose not, but almost no one is going to consider 30 minutes to be significant. Heck...my work commute used to be 90 minutes. When I was moved to a different office, which reduced my commute to no more than 30 minutes, I was ecstatic. While I understand that, as a pure matter of numbers, 30 minutes is 3x as long as 10 minutes, it's hardly a number that's likely to concern any judge. The better approach will be to show that the change in circumstances relating to extracurricular activities and what not makes some sort of modification appropriate (but again, no matter what happens, you'll still have to deal with the 30 minute commute time).
 
Also consider what you could do with the visits near the father's new home where you aren't bringing the kids back and forth each time. Parks, libraries, etc
 
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