Boyfriends mother threatening us for visitation with our daughter.

[LcBri1019]

Jurisdiction

Vermont

Hi,
Our names are Laura and Brian.
We had a question about our rights as parents regarding threats from Brian's mother about visitation rights to our 2 girls.
To better understand our situation, I'll explain some details..
We've been together for 7 years this October. Not married. We have a very healthy relationship, and happy.
We now have 1 daughter together (Avery1yr) and I have 1 other daughter (Michaela10yr) from a previous relationship. For the most part Brians family and I have gotten along just fine.
This past July 6th, Brian was in a serious motorcycle accident, almost losing his life. His family (mother Jocelyn, stepdad and 3 brothers) myself and 2 girls have had an emotional summer fearing he'd lose his life. By Mid August.. thankfully, he was able to come home!
His mother stayed with us an entire week the week of his return, as well as turning our basement into her own space without our permission. The following weekend she went home for a day but showed up unannounced by Monday for another full week. I became upset, and frustrated with her but stayed silent. Me and my girls lives had been flipped upside down and we had been apart from him for so long, so I was anxious to have him home and to have our family together again. I needed things to feel normal again. I had a talk with Brian and we both agreed she had overstayed her welcome. He spoke to his mom privately and she agreed she'd head home. Well all day she stayed outside, and silent to us all. By evening she came inside walked downstairs (we thought she was getting her things to leave.) Instead she came upstairs in her pajamas and slippers. I was very upset she had ingored our request for space. It turned into a heated argument between her and I. Finally she left. Its been over a month since that argument and she wants to see the girls. I'm very uncomfortable going over there, feeling disrespected and I do not want my children over there until I receive an apology for her hurtful words and disrespect. After that we would make visits as usual and fix our issues in time. Well she's gossiped to the town, her friends and neighbors about our fiances and private family matters. She had given us money in the past without us ever asking for it, and now shes using that against us for me to feel guilty. Brians older brother has stated he'd come up to chew me out but knows it would lead to the police being called on him. (I feel threated by him and very uneasy about seeing them now) She saw my oldest daughter once and pulled her aside telling her I was in the wrong. (This upset me even more knowing she had dragged my 10 yr old child into it.) Brian supports my decision that our kids will only go over there when his mother can show some respect towards the mother of his child. She's refusing to ever apologize and fix this together and instead threatens to take us to court for grandparent visitation rights. What are our rights when it comes to this matter? Does she have the rights to take this to court. I have given her many chances to fix this civily but she only wants to create more drama. Sorry this is so long. Im just worried my rights to choose who my children see would be taken from me. Thank you!! We appreciate your help! -Laura & Brian

 

[KatDini]

Grandma is not going to get custody of your mutual child with your boyfriend, nor is she going to get custody of your child. In fact, I doubt very seriously she is going to be able to get visitation with either child. So, Grandma is free to threaten away, but that bark really has no bite.

Vermont Laws

Grandparents do not always have a right to see their grandchild. Sometimes, grandparents may ask the Court for visitation if the grandchild's parents are in court. The court usually will not change the parent's decision about visitation.

If a parent does not want to allow a grandparent to visit, the Court will only change this if the parent is unfit or if the visits will prevent significant harm to the child's health, safety or welfare. The grandparent would have to prove this in court.​

Grandparents' Rights

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[ElleMD]

Though if the children previously had a relationship with Granny it seems petty to interfere over a mutual argument between the two of you, at a time when you were all highly emotionally charged. You had come close to losing your boyfriend and she her son. The courts however, will not remove custody nor grant her visitation over something so minor. You are all going to have to work this one out yourselves.

 

[leslie82]

That's her loss if she can't be an adult and talk to you and work it out. I told my ex mother in law she won't see our daughter unless she isn't around her abusive husband or she gets it together. She and I have had two falling outs in the last three months because I stopped feeling sorry for her son (my ex) and then because I asked why horse races were more important than supporting her granddaughter at an awareness walk for her medical condition. She then turned it around on me and attacked my family for no reason as they have done nothing to her.

Add on to that her husband bashed in her windshield one time drunk and angry, I have seen him lose control within seconds I'm not letting my daughter around her unless it's in public and around other people. Never around that man who is not her grandfather. My dad and my ex's dad are her only grandfathers. But she never asks about her at all so I'm not worried.

They can take you to court all they want but the judge will just turn them around and tell them to leave. So don't worry about it. Just live your life. When she wants to be a part of it, let her.