Bio Mom leaves 9-year old home alone

[lotsagirls]

My husband and I just found out that his daughter's mother has been leaving her home alone after school for about an hour or so. She walks home about three-four blocks from the bus stop to an empty house and then stays inside for about an hour to an hour and a half until her mother gets home from work. The mom says she can do whatever she wants on her time. Basically, she doesn't want to have to pay for daycare! We only live three blocks from them, and I offered to pick her up at the bus stop each day and watch her at our house each afternoon, even though it's not our time to have her, but she refused. I don't know if there is anything legal we can do about it, but I think it is wrong to leave a 9 year old home alone! She treats this poor kid like she's a teenager (has a cell phone, etc). It's nuts. Is there anything we can do??

Thanks in advance.

 

[jimmysgirl]

My husband and I just found out that his daughter's mother has been leaving her home alone after school for about an hour or so. She walks home about three-four blocks from the bus stop to an empty house and then stays inside for about an hour to an hour and a half until her mother gets home from work. The mom says she can do whatever she wants on her time. Basically, she doesn't want to have to pay for daycare! We only live three blocks from them, and I offered to pick her up at the bus stop each day and watch her at our house each afternoon, even though it's not our time to have her, but she refused. I don't know if there is anything legal we can do about it, but I think it is wrong to leave a 9 year old home alone! She treats this poor kid like she's a teenager (has a cell phone, etc). It's nuts. Is there anything we can do??

Thanks in advance.

WE can do nothing. if dad has a problem with it, he can speak to mom( NOT bio mom, but mom) about it. make sure his daughter knows how to contact someone in case of emergency, and not to tell anyone who calls that mom is not home, have her take a message, and tell the caller mom will return her call. you as the stepparent have no say in this matter, or legal standing to do anything where your sd is concerned.

 

[lotsagirls]

I know that I have no say in this matter. I dont stick my nose into the parenting of their child. That's not what i meant. As her stepmom, I'm simply concerned for her well-being. My husband was livid and told her mother that it wasn't acceptable to him. We found out that in Missouri, there is no law regarding leaving a child alone at ANY age. I guess I could leave my two year old home alone as long as she wasn't in any danger. It's sad that substandard parents are allowed to treat kids the way that they do and nothing can be done about it.

 

[CdwJava]

While you and I might not think it a good idea to leave a 9-year-old home alone for an hour to an hour and a half on a regular basis, I am aware of no law in any state that makes this a crime. Unless the child is injured or is likely to suffer some sort of injury, this may well be little more than a symptom of the society we live in today.

To be criminal it has to be articulated that there is a risk of harm. I can EASILY articulate this with a 2-year-old ... not so easy with the average 9-year-old.

If your husband is concerned, he can return to court and seek to modify the custody and visitation paperwork to reflect that the child is to be directly supervised.

- Carl

 

[lotsagirls]

While you and I might not think it a good idea to leave a 9-year-old home alone for an hour to an hour and a half on a regular basis, I am aware of no law in any state that makes this a crime. Unless the child is injured or is likely to suffer some sort of injury, this may well be little more than a symptom of the society we live in today.

To be criminal it has to be articulated that there is a risk of harm. I can EASILY articulate this with a 2-year-old ... not so easy with the average 9-year-old.

If your husband is concerned, he can return to court and seek to modify the custody and visitation paperwork to reflect that the child is to be directly supervised.

- Carl

Thanks Carl, I appreciate the response. It's sad that something has to happen to the child first before the law would act in such a situation.

 

[CdwJava]

Thanks Carl, I appreciate the response. It's sad that something has to happen to the child first before the law would act in such a situation.

The question then becomes one of age. At what age do you consider a child mature enough to be left alone? Ten? Twelve? Twenty? And if a child who is immature or wild at that age is left along and burns a house down or harms him or her self, is the parent then absolved of responsibility because the law said that it was okay?

This is not something that CAN be made so arbitrary.

If this 9 year old is in danger because they are wild or otherwise reckless, then the parent needs to go back to court and have the custody or visitation order modified to reflect constant supervision.

Frankly, depending on the 9 year old, I wouldn't have a whole lot of heartburn over them being home alone for an hour or so. That wouldn't be my preference, but I wouldn't be looking at child neglect charges, either.

- Carl

 

[lotsagirls]

The question then becomes one of age. At what age do you consider a child mature enough to be left alone? Ten? Twelve? Twenty? And if a child who is immature or wild at that age is left along and burns a house down or harms him or her self, is the parent then absolved of responsibility because the law said that it was okay?

This is not something that CAN be made so arbitrary.

If this 9 year old is in danger because they are wild or otherwise reckless, then the parent needs to go back to court and have the custody or visitation order modified to reflect constant supervision.

Frankly, depending on the 9 year old, I wouldn't have a whole lot of heartburn over them being home alone for an hour or so. That wouldn't be my preference, but I wouldn't be looking at child neglect charges, either.

- Carl

Yeah, I can see your point. My husband is concerned because she walks home alone from the bus stop with a bunch of older kids (middle school age) and then goes home to an empty house. They live in an apartment complex (a nice one) but he was worried that eventually some pervert might catch wind that she was going home alone, watching her use her key etc., or that the boys at the bus stop might be giving her a hard time. I have an 8 year old daughter myself and I can tell you that I would rather die than have her be alone at all. I dont see a reason for it at that age, but I understand that not everyone agrees with me.

Another strange twist: My husband's mother just rented an apartment near them for part time use (she runs a business in the area) so she will be near them all the time! We laughed out loud at this because the bio mom hates her and now she has her as a neighbor. Oh well, what goes around, comes around eventually right?

He is documenting things and I think he's going to end up petitioning the court for more visitation, on the basis that she is sending her home alone, when she could easily come to our house (we only live four blocks from them).

Thanks a lot for taking the time to respond, Carl

 

[Cometzz]

Hey I just thought I would reply to this to perhaps ease a little bit of your anxiety and concern.

I used to have a similar routine to your 9yr old stepdaughter, only it started when I was 6-7. My mom would let me stay home alone for about an hour after school everyday. She made absolutely sure that I knew my street smarts though, that I walked home with kids from school, locked the door behind me, did not answer it or even look out the door if I didn't already know someone was coming, and called her the minute I got home. I knew where to hide if something happened and who to call.

The only thing 'bad' that ever happened is I ate more cookies than I was allowed and sometimes yelled things at my nintendo I only heard my dad say, lol.

All in all it gave me a sense of maturity and independence at a young age. I would definitely see this kind of parenting as an opportunity to prepare a child for the real world, if only a small dose.