afraid ex will take my baby away

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cehutchison87

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First, some background info.

I'm a 21 yr old female and a single mother to a 4 month old girl. My ex is 28.

I was with my ex for nearly 3 1/2 years before he ended things when our daughter was only 2 weeks.

When i found out that I was pregnant, he seemed happy. I talked to him the whole time I was in labor. He told me he loved me and would be traveling from New Mexico to Ohio to see me and the baby.

He didn't come. He has never seen her except in pictures and he is not listened on the birth certificate but she does have his last name.

Instead, when the baby was six days old, he asked for a paternity test stating that since I had missed 2 periods and gave 2 different due dates (that the doctor gave me) and because my daughter was born June 2 instead of June 16, he doesn't think she is his.

We met when I was 18 and I lost my virginity to him. I was completely faithful. Everyone but him knows just by looking at my child that she is his.

Before October 18th, the last time we had talked was July 7.

Last night we got into an argument and he said he should go to court and press charges for rape.

I think it's completely ridiculous because he ALWAYS consented. But he insists because we (his friends, himself and myself) would joke about me being on top, that I raped him.

I'm afraid that he'll turn this whole thing around and somehow get my daughter taken away from me even though I have done nothing wrong.

If he did try to say I raped him, would this even hold up in court? Can he do anything to take my daughter from me? I take great care of her. She has a house over her head, food, she's clean and all the other necessities to survive.

Plenty of people, even his former sister-in-law, has told me not to worry about it but I can't help it. It would kill me if my child was taken from me.

All help is appreciated.
 
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Has the doodoo ever thought that if being "on top" during intercourse indicated rape, just about every man who ever participated in this position was in danger of being accused of the same thing?

He can "claim" whatever he wishes. You being on top during intercourse does not indicate rape. As a survivor of a sexual assault, I find your ex's claim that it does disgusting.

Gail
 
I guess there isn't much to worry about then right?

The guy I'm currently seeing told me that they'd most likely look into the fact that he hasn't been in my daughter's life, whether or not he's on the birth certificate due to the fact that the child support office has called him and he won't return their calls.

Maybe I'm just worrying about nothing? My ex has me really freaked out. I think about this possibility ever since it was mentioned, making it hard to sleep.
 
If a paternity test has been done and he has been determined to be the father of this child, he can go to court and establish his rights as such. However, this does not mean he gets to take the child away from you.

Gail
 
Rape? LOL I'm sorry to laugh but that's what the police and court would do if he brought up such a silly thing to them. Don't sweat that. You are in a lifetime relationship with this man now, don't let him manipulate you. Your Baby needs his involvement too, but unless you are an unfit mother (unwilling or unable to provide proper parental care and control) he is very unlikely to be able to wrest custody from you.

Do not be offended that he wants a paternity test. Get one done, that way he can't bring up the "possibility" that the baby isn't his for the rest of your natural life. Get that issue settled and shut him up. In the process, get child support and visitation settled.

By settling these matters you put to rest any worries that he might come take the child and not return her. If you are granted custody and he has visitation, then taking her by force would be Interference with custody and he would be arrested.

Keep the baby like any good mother would and you will be fine. You two need to get along. It's going to be a long road ahead of you.
 
Stop listening to your ex, he is full of it. If he ever wants to take you to court to establish paternity he can always do that. You are free to file for child support but a DNA test will have to be done. I would just stop talking to this guy. If he wants to the baby then he has to go to court in your state.

Be careful about dating with a baby. Remember you have a duty to protect your child and make sure she is safe. Your boyfriend may be a nice guy but he is not Dad.
 
Thanks everyone for the advice. I was afraid but I'm not anymore.

I'm definitely not an unfit mother and as for my new boyfriend, he knows of the baby but we decided to get to know each other better before bringing him around my child. He understands that I just want to protect her and he knows that he is not my childs father.

But I also believe that it takes a man to be a daddy and not blood. My ex for now (in my eyes) is just her father and a sperm donor. Nothing more.

My daughter and I have had our part of the testing done. My ex just got scheduled for his. I'm pretty sure I surprised him when I agreed to do it when we broke up. Most women who cheated won't submit to testing.
 
I agree that you have nothing to fear over the "rape" threat & think that it truely is disgusting he would even say that. But hey - let him get laughed at in court!

At this time, I would tell him that if he wants a paternity test, he can go ahead and pay to have one done. And not one of those mail in ones either, he can go to the doctor (not sure if it really would be the doctors office) and get it done because of the chain of custody (less chance of him screwing with it).

You can go ahead and file with domestics for child support (though it sounds like you already did that) and even if he doesn't show up, if you have any kind of proof of his income, give it to them. If you know where he works, give that info to them too and they may be able to contact his employer for info. Give them any info you can so that they can track him down.

The fact that he hasn't seen her is a big plus for you. Unless you are declared unfit (which he would have to prove), you should retain custody.

You need to protect yourself and your daughter. If you have no legal custody papers, I would file and go to court before you let him take her (instead offer that he come to you and visit in your presence if he wants to), just because being so far away, if he's being like this already, he may just not give her back. Considering he has never seen her, he probably won't even ask to. This idea is something you would definitely need to speak to a lawyer about though because you don't want to get yourself in trouble for not letting him see her if he wants to.

Also, I am not sure of the laws in OH, but if a certain amount of time goes by (a couple years) and he doesn't see her, I believe you can get his rights terminated.
 
Rightsthewrongs, Please don't say things like you think you can get rights terminated if you don't know the law there. That is not true. It takes a lot more than a couple years.
 
My uncle is an attorney so I'd probably hire him if I needed to.

I told my ex, since I had nothing to hide, I had no problem with testing. My half is done. We are waiting on him to get his part done.

I'm not sure but does he have rights if he's not on the birth certificate? He was never around to sign it and I couldn't sign it since we were never married. The only documentation of him being my child's father is with Medicaid, WIC, Welfare, the Child Support Office and her doctor's office. She does have his last name though.
 
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