Advice?

[Alec Basil]

Jurisdiction

Missouri

When I was 14 years old, I was removed from an abusive home (my mom and her girlfriend of 13 years) and placed in the care of my Great Aunt. Mary (my mom's girlfriend and my abuser) went to court and a no contact order was placed between her/me and her/my mom. The no contact order is still in place as far as I know.

My mom ended up getting custody of me back after a long battle, and Mary was talking to me again. I was fine with this as she was much nicer. My mom, Mary, and I ended up moving in together into an apartment.

Mary started to get mean again, and at some points it was to the point where I would walk out the front door and go for a walk when she was in her room. Then we moved into a hotel room, and it was worse. I started not wanting to go home at all. So after a month long argument, maybe longer, my mom and Mary ended up relenting and letting me stay with my boyfriend (who lives with his mom and little sister), which is where I currently reside now.

Plans have been made by my boyfriend, his brother, some friends, and I to get a place together, and it has to be soon as one of the friends is getting kicked out of his house.

I start my first job next Tuesday at an IHOP where my mom is part-time managing, and hopefully my boyfriend is going to, too.

The only problem is, my mom and Mary will most likely raise up hell about me moving. They might even try to make me live with them again. My mom was going to be my ride to work, which is in independence, and I'm moving to the outskirts of Blue Springs by Burr Oak Woods. I'm not looking forward to her finding out I moved, and if she finds out the address, she might try to take me back to her and Mary.

My Great Aunt is currently going through bankruptcy, so I don't think she'd be approved to be my legal guardian again.

I am currently sixteen, but turning seventeen the day before the estimated date of the move.

The only card I really have on my mom and Mary is that its illegal for me to live/talk to Mary, but to pull that would mean they would both go to jail, as they are on probation. I don't really want them to go to jail, but I don't know what else to do. About the move, and the job (since my mom is my ride).

Any advice?

 

[leslie82]

When I was 14 years old, I was removed from an abusive home (my mom and her girlfriend of 13 years) and placed in the care of my Great Aunt. Mary (my mom's girlfriend and my abuser) went to court and a no contact order was placed between her/me and her/my mom. The no contact order is still in place as far as I know.

My mom ended up getting custody of me back after a long battle, and Mary was talking to me again. I was fine with this as she was much nicer. My mom, Mary, and I ended up moving in together into an apartment.

Mary started to get mean again, and at some points it was to the point where I would walk out the front door and go for a walk when she was in her room. Then we moved into a hotel room, and it was worse. I started not wanting to go home at all. So after a month long argument, maybe longer, my mom and Mary ended up relenting and letting me stay with my boyfriend (who lives with his mom and little sister), which is where I currently reside now.

Plans have been made by my boyfriend, his brother, some friends, and I to get a place together, and it has to be soon as one of the friends is getting kicked out of his house.

I start my first job next Tuesday at an IHOP where my mom is part-time managing, and hopefully my boyfriend is going to, too.

The only problem is, my mom and Mary will most likely raise up hell about me moving. They might even try to make me live with them again. My mom was going to be my ride to work, which is in independence, and I'm moving to the outskirts of Blue Springs by Burr Oak Woods. I'm not looking forward to her finding out I moved, and if she finds out the address, she might try to take me back to her and Mary.

My Great Aunt is currently going through bankruptcy, so I don't think she'd be approved to be my legal guardian again.

I am currently sixteen, but turning seventeen the day before the estimated date of the move.

The only card I really have on my mom and Mary is that its illegal for me to live/talk to Mary, but to pull that would mean they would both go to jail, as they are on probation. I don't really want them to go to jail, but I don't know what else to do. About the move, and the job (since my mom is my ride).

Any advice?

You are a minor. Your mom has custody of you. As long as you're a minor she controls your life.

If you're being abused, call the authorities or talk to a trusted adult.

So how long have you been allowing the protection order to be violated? Now you want to call in a violation when something isn't going your way?

Have you talked to your mom about this? I never have understood people who have kids but choose their partner over their kids...

Your options are suck it up and stay or you call the police and your mom's girlfriend goes to jail. I don't think your mom would go to jail. I've had a protection order against my ex husband...it said and the detective told me I could contact him and not get in trouble - but I'd have been setting him up for failure. Every state is different though.

As long as your mom gives you permission to live somewhere else you can. Once she says move home, you move home.

 

[zddoodah]

Any advice?

Please read the disclaimer at the bottom of every page at this site.

With that said, I'm not really sure what anyone here can tell you. Until you turn 18, you are under your parents' control as far as where you live. It's worth pointing out that your post is oddly silent about your father. If your mother forces you into a living situation in which the no-contact order is violated, you have the choice of contacting the police or not.

 

[cbg]

I'm not looking forward to her finding out I moved, and if she finds out the address, she might try to take me back to her and Mary.

As she has every right to do. As long as you are even one minute under 18 (not 17 - 18) you live where she says you live. If you have her permission to move out you may. If you do not have her permission to move out, you may not. And if she gives you permission but then later rescinds it, back home you go.

The only exception to this is if the state removes you again, in which case you will live where the state says you live instead of your mother. You may rest assured that it will not be with your boyfriend and his friends.

 

[ElleMD]

How old is this "boyfriend"? Laying odds he isn't also 16. If Mom got custody of you back, it is unlikely that 2 years later the no contact order is still in effect. Those aren't issued indefinitely. Where is this aunt of yours in all this? Your father? What is wrong with this boyfrend's mother that she would let her son's 16 year old girlfriend move in? That is not even close to normal. Kiddo, you need to get thee to a counselor. Talk to your school guidance counselor. There is no way living with this kind of chaos you have the foundation to make sound life choices. Not your fault- but you want to set yourself up for the best chance at a functional adulthood, and right now, I promise you, those of us over the age of 21 who are reading this right now are cringing at what is likely to come.