Adoption Question

[Starryskye80]

My husband wants to adopt my 12 year old son. He has helped me raise him since he was 8 months old. My son's biological father has never had contact with my son. I have dug and dug, and finally was able to get his address from his family. He is (supposedly) dying, living in an SRO hotel in California. I also have heard that he may not be mentally stable. I have the paperwork to send, but I believe the state of Vt requires the forms be filled out in front of a judge or notary, and I don't believe he would do that. I also wanted to see his criminal record, to use as evidence, but all I can find is case numbers and California is not very open about disclosing these things.
My son knows my husband is not his bio dad, but said that he is his father and has no desire to know anything about my exes family or even his name. What advice can you offer?

 

[shrinkmaster]

You need to contact bio dad to see if he will willingly terminate his parental rights. If you cannot locate him to serve him check with court on acceptable forms of substitute service

 

[Starryskye80]

I know his address, so if he doesn't sign the papers or ignores them, what would be my alternatives?
It has taken me years to locate his address.

 

[shrinkmaster]

They very by county, court and situation. Once you get proof of service though you can move forward

 

[army judge]

I know his address, so if he doesn't sign the papers or ignores them, what would be my alternatives?
It has taken me years to locate his address.

If he lives in another state, there is very little that can be done to command him to sign or accept papers of legal process.

He can't be forced to give up his paternal rights, no more than you can be forced to give up your maternal rights.

You can have a process server serve him legal papers.

But, that opens up other legal issues.

I suggest you have someone let him know that you'd like him to give up his paternal rights.

I've seen reluctant men and women become compliant when offered something to incentivize them.

Negotiation and compromise can work wonders in most matters.


Sent from my iPad3 using Tapatalk HD

 

[Starryskye80]

It is illegal to offer anything in turn for him to sign off on the papers. If that was the case, I would have flown out there already and bought him some dope! He is a drug addict, and is living off from something called "Care not Cash" in San Francisco. My biggest concern is that I have been warned that he is not mentally stable at this point. I sent him a Xmas card with a note in it to consider the adoption, and to contact me via his mom. I had sent the papers to her before but she lost them, so that's why I put pressure on her this time for an address. Plus, by the time she gave it up, I had found it via a background search site. It was pretty difficult to find someone with no credit, no job and living under the radar.
When we had divorced, he was supposed to provide us with an address to send update to, but he did not. In order to stay compliant with the divorce orders, I have been in contact and even friends with his mother and sister on Facebook. They both know my address. But my ex has never attempted any support or communication with my son. Wouldn't that be grounds for child abandonment as per the law?

 

[shrinkmaster]

That is not what was meant. You can offer to forgive any past due child support and remind Bio Dad that he will no longer have to pay child support if child is no longer his legally. Just sending Dad the papers will not likely wash in court. At very least the documents will required to be notarized. However I really suspect it is likely Bio Dad will need to be served

 

[Unregistered]

I also have a delicate adoption question. . I found the child i adopted out. The man that arranged an open adoption died when she was seven. I was not contacted. Instead she was bounced around and abused and is now suicidal. She is fifteen. We have never met face to face .