Adoption of boyfriends child in foster care

Lrbs921

New Member
Jurisdiction
Virginia
My boyfriend has 2 children (a boy and a girl) that he had to give custody up almost 7 years ago and has not been able to contact them. They were placed in foster care and were adopted by the foster family. His father (their grandfather) has been able to have contact with them and has seen them and has had the boy staying with him this summer. The plan was to go back to the adopted family before school but during this trip to granddads the adopted family has decided to dissolve their custody of ONLY the boy. They state that he’s aggressive and unstable and makes their home “unbearable”- which is not the case of how the grandfather says he acts. So they put the grandfather in a position to either adopt himself or put the boy back into foster care... at 15... the grandfather doesn’t have the energy or health to have a 15 year old full time. I don’t know the legality of my boyfriend getting custody back or what that entails ( sure every case is different). I am wondering if there’s any way for me to adopt? He is going to be thrown back into foster care at 15 by himself. He is being separated from his sister (though from what I know they do not get along). These people are just washing their hands of this child and i really can’t let him be thrown back into the foster system.
 
My boyfriend has 2 children (a boy and a girl) that he had to give custody up almost 7 years ago and has not been able to contact them. They were placed in foster care and were adopted by the foster family. His father (their grandfather) has been able to have contact with them and has seen them and has had the boy staying with him this summer. The plan was to go back to the adopted family before school but during this trip to granddads the adopted family has decided to dissolve their custody of ONLY the boy. They state that he’s aggressive and unstable and makes their home “unbearable”- which is not the case of how the grandfather says he acts. So they put the grandfather in a position to either adopt himself or put the boy back into foster care... at 15... the grandfather doesn’t have the energy or health to have a 15 year old full time. I don’t know the legality of my boyfriend getting custody back or what that entails ( sure every case is different). I am wondering if there’s any way for me to adopt? He is going to be thrown back into foster care at 15 by himself. He is being separated from his sister (though from what I know they do not get along). These people are just washing their hands of this child and i really can’t let him be thrown back into the foster system.
Why did your boyfriend "have to give custody up"? To whom did he give custody up to?
I don't know if there is a way for you to adopt. Are you financially stable? Do you have a criminal history? A drug history? Any mental health issues? Health problems?
As an FYI: The parents can't just toss their son away.
 
My boyfriend has 2 children (a boy and a girl) that he had to give custody up almost 7 years ago and has not been able to contact them.

The reason he lost his parental rights matters. If he was forced to give up his parental rights that suggests the state determined he was unfit to be a parent and/or a danger to the child. If that's the case then the state will not grant custody a girlfriend of his because the state would not want to expose the child to the risks your boyfriend presents. Even without that problem generally you need to already be approved as a foster parent to get foster placement. If you are not already approved as a foster parent the likelihood of you getting approved for foster placement here is likely pretty low. See a family law attorney in the state where the child resides to sort out whether there is realistically anything you can do here.
 
My boyfriend has 2 children (a boy and a girl) that he had to give custody up almost 7 years ago and has not been able to contact them. They were placed in foster care and were adopted by the foster family. His father (their grandfather) has been able to have contact with them and has seen them and has had the boy staying with him this summer. The plan was to go back to the adopted family before school but during this trip to granddads the adopted family has decided to dissolve their custody of ONLY the boy. They state that he’s aggressive and unstable and makes their home “unbearable”- which is not the case of how the grandfather says he acts. So they put the grandfather in a position to either adopt himself or put the boy back into foster care... at 15... the grandfather doesn’t have the energy or health to have a 15 year old full time. I don’t know the legality of my boyfriend getting custody back or what that entails ( sure every case is different). I am wondering if there’s any way for me to adopt? He is going to be thrown back into foster care at 15 by himself. He is being separated from his sister (though from what I know they do not get along). These people are just washing their hands of this child and i really can’t let him be thrown back into the foster system.
This guy is your boyfriend, not your husband, not even your fiance and you want to adopt the son he gave up his rights to? So what happens when you and boyfriend break up? What happens to kid then?
 
If there was an actual adoption and not just foster care, the reversal process is rare and just because the adoptive parents petition for it, that does not mean the petition will be granted. This is not yet a done deal.
 
My boyfriend has 2 children (a boy and a girl) that he had to give custody up almost 7 years ago

Please elaborate on this. For what reason did he HAVE TO give up custody? And in what manner did he do so? Did he relinquish his parental rights (not just custody) in connection with the adoption of the children?

the adopted family has decided to dissolve their custody of ONLY the boy.

That doesn't make any sense. If a person adopts a child, that person cannot simply "dissolve . . . custody." What exactly does this mean?

They state that he’s aggressive and unstable and makes their home “unbearable”- which is not the case of how the grandfather says he acts.

How would your boyfriend's father have the slightest idea what things are like in this child's home with his adoptive parents?

I don’t know the legality of my boyfriend getting custody back or what that entails

IF the child's adoptive parents want to give him up, there is no reason in the abstract why your boyfriend couldn't adopt him (or, if the child is placed in foster care, why your boyfriend couldn't volunteer to be the child's foster parent). However, it's possible that the unexplained reason why "he had to give up custody" might be relevant.

I am wondering if there’s any way for me to adopt? . . . i really can’t let him be thrown back into the foster system.

Just as your boyfriend could seek to adopt, so could you. Beyond that, it's not your place to let or not let him go back into the foster system.
 
Adoption is not something you get just by waltzing into the JDR court and expressing a desire. If you're serious, you're going to need an attorney. An attorney can tell you what your chances are, but frankly, you don't seem to be a good candidate (and depending on why the boyfriend lost custody to begin with, you might be absolutely barred from it).
 
My boyfriend has 2 children (a boy and a girl) that he had to give custody up almost 7 years ago and has not been able to contact them. They were placed in foster care and were adopted by the foster family. His father (their grandfather) has been able to have contact with them and has seen them and has had the boy staying with him this summer. The plan was to go back to the adopted family before school but during this trip to granddads the adopted family has decided to dissolve their custody of ONLY the boy. They state that he’s aggressive and unstable and makes their home “unbearable”- which is not the case of how the grandfather says he acts. So they put the grandfather in a position to either adopt himself or put the boy back into foster care... at 15... the grandfather doesn’t have the energy or health to have a 15 year old full time. I don’t know the legality of my boyfriend getting custody back or what that entails ( sure every case is different). I am wondering if there’s any way for me to adopt? He is going to be thrown back into foster care at 15 by himself. He is being separated from his sister (though from what I know they do not get along). These people are just washing their hands of this child and i really can’t let him be thrown back into the foster system.

"Had" to give up custody? What forced him to give up custody 7 years ago?

If they were adopted, he has no legal rights to those kids. He'd have had his rights relinquished, as well as the bio mom (if still alive) for someone else to have adopted them.

Legally, you're no one even more than your boyfriend. Your boyfriend needs to talk to an family law attorney or adoption attorney to find out his options. It's not a simple custody case anymore.

You can look into fostering to adopt but again, probably best to talk to a lawyer about it and get actual legal advice about it.

I find it strange that your boyfriend "had" to give up custody. Also does he even want to legally be the boy's parent again? It sounds like he doesn't and you are more concerned than he is about his biological son.
 
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