Actiivities importance???? please answer!

[Michelle_B]

My daughter has standard visitation with her father (every other weekend, every other Tuesday night, two weeks in the summer and holidays). She is 10 years old, and is at the age where she loves being involved in activities at her school and at our church. SHe is currently on the basketball team (3rd year) at our church and is a member of Fifth Notes(the fifth grade choir at her school).............MY PROBLEM is ......her father refuses to be involved in these activities....He does not take her to any practices and makes her feel guilty for having such things on "HIS" weekend or weeknight. He tells her it is an inconvinience to his wife and him to have to drag her to these activities (he lives 30 minutes away from her school and church).....last year I had to drive to his house on Saturday mornings to get her for practices and games and then take her back to him because he refused to take her. She missed her tournament game for her basketball team last year because they planned a trip to the zoo. .....I can empathize with them about feeling like these activities take alot of time BUT they do NOT last all year (basketball is only November through March) and these are all things that are beneficial to our daughter's future and education.
I have read over our parenting plan and it seem there is nothing in there that says he HAS to take her to her activities(only that i have to give him 24 hrs notice of any activities)....am i missing this part....or am i being unreasonable in thinking he should be more involved.
Also if he refuses to take her to a practice or games and she wants to go, would i be wrong if I did not make her go to his house.

 

[Duranie]

Unfortunately Dad is free to do what he wants on his time. If you want the cihld to attend the activities bad enough, see if Dad will allow you to pick the child up and take her to them, and drop her back off again.

when you sign the child up for these events, you have to remember you have to split the parenting with Dad and he does not have to participate in these events. You have to send her to visits, or you are in contemppt. The child does not get to decide not to go visit dad.

 

[Michelle_B]

Well the only problem I have with your response is that our parenting plan specifically requires my daughter to be involved in activties. It states that these such activities are BENEFICIAL to my daughters growth and learning, as well as her future. These are not activities I have chosen, these are things SHE wants to do as an individual. I only do this thing called SUPPORT her. ITS SAD that he is too lazy to take her and be proud of her accomplishments. I do things for our daughter and my other child on a daily basis...it being a supportive parent (I dont say "no hunny im too tired to support your interest in singing or sports

 

[WebJunkie]

Well the only problem I have with your response is that our parenting plan specifically requires my daughter to be involved in activties. It states that these such activities are BENEFICIAL to my daughters growth and learning, as well as her future. These are not activities I have chosen, these are things SHE wants to do as an individual. I only do this thing called SUPPORT her. ITS SAD that he is too lazy to take her and be proud of her accomplishments. I do things for our daughter and my other child on a daily basis...it being a supportive parent (I dont say "no hunny im too tired to support your interest in singing or sports

If being involved in the activities are part of the parenting plan on file with the courts, and both parents are to follow the parenting plan, then logically it would seem possible that the father not taking her to these could be in violation of the custody agreement.

Granted, I'm not a lawyer, but logically that makes some sense to me.

The best answer for you would probably be the same answer everyone else ends up getting... talk to a lawyer, and see what they say.

 

[hchristenas]

Michelle,

My daughter is three and a half and her pediatrician stated very clearly that socializing with other kids and participating in extra-curriculars is beneficial to her development. Your daughter is much older and you have similar in your parenting plan.

What my attorney has told me a number of times (because my daughter misses her toddler Sunday school and dance classes on weekends with dad as well) is that while you cannot FORCE dad to do anything on his weekends, you can certainly bring it up the next time you go to a mediation and/or court. 9 times out of 10, because extra-curricular activities have been proven to be good for children of all ages, the mediator or judge will include it in the order.

If you are staying out of court, I would contact and attorney or an independent mediator and see if you can meet with dad informally to work out what is best for the child. That's what it's about anyway.