7 months pregnant, hubby’s whereabouts unknown

[LonelyPreggo]

When we got married four years ago, I had no problem with my husband's unwillingness to have children. I didn't think I wanted kids either. However, when I found out I was pregnant last February, I just couldn't bring myself to abort. My decision to keep the baby has caused a lot of turmoil in our marriage ever since.

Last Saturday, after a heated argument, my husband packed up some of his belongings (clothes, guitar, etc.) and told me he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. He quit his job, got in his car, and left – even as I hysterically begged him to stay. I haven't heard from him since, and he won't answer my calls. I have no idea where he went, but I suspect he may have gone to stay with his mom in another state.

I'm at a total loss as to how I should proceed from here. My understanding is that Texas law prohibits divorce during pregnancy. Even if it were allowed, I have no forwarding address for my husband and wouldn't know where to have him served. I can scarcely afford to support myself and my child on my own salary, so I'm hesitant to hire an attorney and rack up a lot of debt. On the other hand, I don't want to stay married indefinitely to a man who is no where to be found. Any advice?

 

[Duranie]

Well if you knew he did not want children, why did you get pregnant? This is something that both of you needed to agree on, especially since you knew his stance on the subject.

Now that you are pregnant, you obviously cannot stay with a man who wants nothing to do with the child. You can file for divorce but it probably will not be finalized until you have the baby. If you file for child support, he will likely get some visitation. Who knows, maybe his mind will change after the baby comes but it is a shame you planned this with someone who may NEVER ever be in this childs life.

So it is time to figure out how you will support the child on your own. In order to file for divorce you need to locate him and have him served. You can file for child support but you cannot force him to pay especially if he is unemployed or will work for cash. Be prepared for worse case scenario.

You can always give the child up for adoption as well.

 

[Lesmays]

Similar situation in Colorado

Hi Lonely Prego;
I am in a similar situation. My husband of 20 years, with whom I have two other children, did not think anything more than willpower alone was neccessary to prevent pregnancy. So when the test came back positive, he was shocked. He even denied paternity, and demanded that I abort the baby. I couldn't do it. Although she was a surprise, I credit her with bringing to light the problems in our relationship, and cherish her.
He had stopped paying all bills that were unrelated to his fancy sports car and bartab over a year ago, but I took it as a midlife crisis that he would eventually get over, so I simply took on a second job in addition to working full time and going to school full time. It was not enough to cover the bills, so our home went into foreclosure. That was when I found out about the pregnancy.
His drinking had become a nightmare for our kids long before the pregnancy, which became most obvious when our eight year old came to him crying one day and said, "Daddy, please don't scream all night- I have to go to school in the morning." He tried to punch my sixteen year old one day, but I stepped in between them and took it in the shoulder. When I found out I was pregnant, I got a restraining order and had him removed from the house. The foreclosure will take place November 4th.
He's angry and throwing fits because he has to pay for supervised visits with the kids- which costs him half a days worth of beer. He won't do it and hasn't seen them since he was removed from the home over a month ago.
Anyway- back to your situation. I think you can go ahead and file for the divorce. It won't be final until after the baby comes anyway. The sooner you file, the sooner he will have to start paying child support, which he needs to pay even if he doesn't want the child. You should be able to file using newspaper notifications. The filing clerk can give you guidance on that, but not advice. You will have to research it on your own or hire a lawyer, but researching it on your own is much less expensive, obviously.
Good luck.

 

[jharris352]

File the divorce

I would agree with Lesmays on this one to a point. Duraine is being a little hard on you and has some inaccurate information.

Preventing pregnancy is a responsibility for BOTH of you not just you. Sometimes even with prevention it happens. Your husband is a dirtbag for leaving in my humble opinion.

You need a lawyer even though you can't afford one. This should be uncontested because he wants to be gone. If it is contested you can ask for legal fees and given the circumstances you will probably get them.

Another thing to do is file for Temporary Governmental Assistance. It will give you money, and the State will help track him down. If you have his social security number and Mom's address they will find him. When they do they will help get a child support order in place.

Get a divorce, set up visitation, and start getting child support. Duraine is usually right on the money, but not quite here. A Judge will order him to get a job. He has a duty to support his children EVEN if he is unemployed. Child support will issue, and he will go to jail if he fails to pay it. A judge will look at his earnings over the last three years and make a child support order.

Then he better get a job. He may try to say he can't get as good a job, work for cash etc, but at least you will have a child support order.

Good luck. Pick a better husband in the future.