17yr old daughter wants to move out of one parent's home (who has custody) to the other parent.

  • Thread Starter concernedparent1999
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concernedparent1999

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Jurisdiction
Missouri
(short version)
17yr old has wants to move in us, We'd love to. Her other parent has custody & is calling her names etc. & will not want her to move in with us. 17yr old has been through drawn out custody cases in past. She wants to move out a.s.a.p. (she knows that in missouri "runaways" are a juvenile case & 17yr olds get tried as adults, leaving gray area that people she knows have used to move out of their parents' house.) What can we do to transition her to our home with the least amount of resistance & time? (we worry she will "runaway" if she feels it's an easier option than a change in custody.) What could happen if she came to our house because she felt 'she had to get out'?
 
This type of question is invariably asked by the parent who has "assisted" the child in believing that it's what she wants to do.

Understand that you and the other parent, and the CHILD, do what the court says to do until the court says otherwise or her 18th birthday.

It's not too early for her to learn a couple of life lessons:

1 - She's not always going to get what she wants when she wants it.

2 - Life is often unpleasant.

So, tell her to stay put and behave herself and you'll give her a nice birthday present when she's 18.

As to what could happen if she came to your house because she felt 'she had to get out', the police could drag her back to the CP and/or the CP could seek court sanctions against the NCP for custodial interference.
 
This CHILD has wanted to be with the non-custodial parent more since she was 8 and ask her parents to share equal time; her custodial parent not agreeing.
The custodial parent (& step parent) would treat her horribly to the point she didn't want to be there, didn't want to live, started cutting, attempted suicide, seen counselors on multiple occasions.
Custody modification attempts were drawn out so long, in the meantime she would get treated better & 'bought off', this happened both times she ask for a change & we hired someone. She honestly thought that household had gotten better & has now realized the reality of how each parent is & who will help nature her & help her future grow.
I know we could go through a 'custody battle', but I would like some advice on how to make a quicker case, in the past they would be drawn out for a year or more & causing tremendous amounts of stress. I/we want our daughter to be safe, happy & healthy mentally & physically she is not currently.
I want her to be able to come live with us, I also want her to have a good relationship with her current custodial parent, but if she feels she can't do either of those I fear she will "runaway". I want her to be where I know she will move forward in life, I do not want her to feel her only place to go is a friends house b/c of a grey area in the law.
what is the quickest route to help her?
If any one could help, Thank you (this is concernedparent1999)
 
I've been trying to research her options, I want to help her & assist her in making good choices. I told her the age of majority is 18 & she cannot legally choose where she lives. She believes the gray area will protect her; can I tell her it is within the police rights to detain her if she "runs away" (17yr old 'runaway'). I read else where police could not pick her up (just for being a 'runaway', she would have to commit a crime). Will the police get involved?
I understand CP could seek court sanctions against the NCP for custodial interference. Unfortunately the NCP would violate the CP & child's rights on a regular basis & similar papers were filed in a reverse situation, We want to avoid that of course, that is why we & our daughter are asking questions.
 
I understand that the child wants to make the move.

Do you understand that until she is 18, she does not get to make that choice (and neither do you) unless the custodial parent agrees?
 
I do understand. I was hoping for helpful pointers when it comes to child custody cases & them going more smoothly. (her not being left where she doesn't want to be in the process of a 'battle')obviously only ATT. will be willing to help with what papers to file. I know they're out there; we were told about papers we should have filed last time b/c she was hurting herself etc. & she was not safe/ 'in danger'.
 
concernedparent1999 said:
she was hurting herself etc. & she was not safe/ 'in danger'.
Click to expand...

Then you should have called child protective services.

Or are you just exaggerating to elicit sympathetic responses?

Look, this may not seem simple, but it boils down to this:

If you want a change of custody, petition the court for the change.

If she's in danger call child protective services.

If you aren't willing and able to do either, then the CHILD is stuck with the status quo until she's 18.
 
Services have been called on her CP more than once, by the public school & others involved in her life.
I'm sorry I wasted our time here. there are many pieces to this story & I don't have time to tell it all here.
We'll talk to an ATT.
 
Forgive the skepticism but understand that lots of teens are unhappy at home and teens can be very dramatic about how horrible the situation. Engaging an attorney is the best way to proceed.
 
Sounds like this started when the child was 8. She learned the " Parent System" quickly. She learned that if she tells one parent she wants to live with them. They shower her with gifts so she stays there. Wow.... for 9 years she has been playing the game and winning.
 
We didn't shower her with money/gifts that's why we are the NCP. I'm not saying she didn't know the "parent system" we were aware she did at a young age, but we weren't going to 'play'. We always gave her love & respect. She told us she didn't like who she had to be at her CP house. She says she no longer cares about the material & wants to be where she feels herd, loved, respected, & supported. We are hoping for the best for her & her future & she is not being nurtured in her CP home.
I was hoping for more positive feed back, maybe some helpful advice. I like how 'army judge' posted the laws in thread
Legal age to move in MO? Moving out at 17
"...In Missouri, a child that runs away (absents himself or herself from the parental home without parental authority) is committing a Status Offense:
–
an act committed by a child that would not be considered a crime if committed by an adult but that may subject
the child to juvenile or family court jurisdiction. Those acts include: truancy, beyond parental control, runaway, behavior and associations injurious to the welfare, and other acts that are applicable only to children. See Section 211.031(2), Revised Statutes of Missouri. "

When I read this I felt educated, not looked down on or reading a hateful
response. Thank you, people who state facts & honest knowledge.
I am not versed in law, I'm the step-parent in the NCP home, NCP had terrible luck with layers (the actions of the CP) and the custody cases always drug out too long, is this normal (too take a year or more)? can it be prevented? what can I expect if child protective services are called? what could they do for her?
 
(in the past she either didn't want to talk to protective services b/c she was afraid of her CP reaction or she did tell them about things that had happened & the CP told them she was making up stories & they believed the CP. Although it did force the CP to let our daughter see a counselor like she had been asking to do. She has been seen by multiple people over the years & now she no longer feels the need for a counselor & just wants to live with people she can talk to)
 
concernedparent1999 said:
(in the past she either didn't want to talk to protective services b/c she was afraid of her CP reaction or she did tell them about things that had happened & the CP told them she was making up stories & they believed the CP. Although it did force the CP to let our daughter see a counselor like she had been asking to do. She has been seen by multiple people over the years & now she no longer feels the need for a counselor & just wants to live with people she can talk to)
Click to expand...


The people who respond to questions on here are simply common, everyday people who try to help.

You need not make your argument to us.
We are nobodies.
You need to convince the BIGSHOTS, the SOMEBODIES.
 

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