child care change with expense changes

I have some question from NJ divorce agreement which was used to get the divorce 6 months back.

1. child care : this is text in the divorce agreement
----------
Child Support: Commencing upon the first day of the first month
after the father's name is removed from the first mortgage, the
father will commence paying child support to the mother in the amount of
$???.00/week as per the attached Child Support Guidelines – Sole
Parenting Worksheet, pages 1-3. This Worksheet includes work related
day care costs of approximately $??,???.00/year ($?,???.00 for camp and
$?,???.00 for aftercare for ---, and $??,???.00 for daycare for
---).

The parents agree the first review of child support will be in
August, 2011, (barring a substantial change in circumstance), before
their youngest child starts kindergarten, since at that time the work
related daycare costs most likely will change substantially since there
will no longer be full-time daycare. Thereafter, child support may be
reviewed every three years from the date of the last review at the
request of either parent.
--------

Now she brought in her parents and there is no child care expenses for my
daughter and there is no summer camp for my son, but she
expected me pay me the full amount, as if her parents are doing the day
care. ( they are visitors). I said , I am not going to give the full
amount and I recalculated ( removing the day are expense ) the amount
based on family planning software we bought and recalculated and giving
the what ever the child care amount that came about.

I was behind her for consent order for the modified amount, which she
said nothing at first and then, said she will not agree and will
checkup with the lawyer, and NOW she is not talking about it. As per
my lawyer, it is better to go to court when ever, things change either
through consent order or regular petition. Regular petition is very
costly and time consuming , so I want to avoid.

My question is

Am I supposed to pay the full amount, when situation changes ?. what
does people do in this type of situation . ?

is it safe to change the payment with out going to court?. which I
already doing for 2 or 3 months.?

Can I threaten her that she need to pay for my lawyer cost, if I have to
go to court and win. Any way court will say go to mediator.

I asked her to provide the proof of expenses which she says she won't but she want the complete payment.

I appreciate the feedback. I know , she don't want to go to the court.

do not, DO NOT, go against that order until the judge changes it. Feel free to take her back to court, but self help is never a good idea when you're talking about court orders. Secondly, it is extremely unlikely that you will be able to recover attorney's fees. It just doesn't happen very often.

You really do not have grounds to have her pay legal fees, because she is really not in contempt. Also if her parents are babysitting, they are not expected to do it for free. It is reasonable to expect you will pay some day care costs but probably at a reduced rate since they are unlicensed.

thank you Duraine and NY shark for the suggestion.
> do not, DO NOT, go against that order until the judge changes it. Feel free to take her back to court, but self help is never a good idea when you're talking about court orders

It looks like , her parents are going back, i.e. my child care goes back what it is. I suppose, it is better to pay the arrears back to her. I use bank transfer as a means for child care payments and proof and is email is sufficient for proof of record of arrears ?.

I tried to come to the terms with her regarding the reduced amount,but she is adamant of getting the full amount, so I have to calculate child care cost difference vs. lawyer costs and keep quite. is it the only way to handle the changing child care costs ?. we bought a family law software , which gives me the child care cost , tested to almost same as mediator calculated. can't we put it in the 'agreement or consent order ' text to use it, when the expenses change ?. I asked mediator to put it in the agreement, but she ignored my requests and my Ex was non-cooperative to the entire process at that time, so I ended up not follow-up on this and it fell through the cracks.