Unmarried Father - Child Custody

[BW6810]

Jurisdiction

Ohio

I am not married, have two kids (Daughter 16 & Son 12), and have lived with their mother as a couple (girlfriend) for 18 years. My girlfriend has now found a new love interest, which she denies (but I have evidence that I have not shown her). I took action (hired an attorney) 1 1/2 months ago and filed parental rights and a shared parenting plan (she has been served the papers). My girlfriend has stated that our relationship can not be repaired and is making no attempts to try to work on our relationship (the relationship is over). I would like for my girlfriend to move out of my house (she has no ownership or rights to the house). She also has very little money and is also using my car (which I would also like to take from her). We don't really fight, but do have discussions about her infidelity, which she denies. We don't discuss our situation in front of our kids, but our oldest understands that something is going. With my girlfriend living in the same house as me it has became an emotional drain that is effecting not only my personal life, but work and my health.

My question: Should I ask my girlfriend to leave my house (I understand that I might have to evict her if she doesn't leave on her own)? Or, should I just suck it up and continue to allow my girlfriend to live in the same house until the custody case is over? Would it be used against me or would the courts frown on me for asking her to leave my house and also taking her only means of transportation away. It's literally killing me that she is staying in my house while I pay for everything and the money she doesn't spend she is using to hire an attorney. I know I have to be careful so that I don't look vindictive or something, but our relationship is over and I feel as though she just needs to get out of my house so that she is forced to also deal with real life issues (ie: Rent, car payment, utilities, groceries, auto insurance, car repairs....etc).

 

[army judge]

My goodness, BW, your emotional pain is evident throughout your post.

I suggest you discuss your actions with your attorney before proceeding.

Evicting the mother of your children isn't necessarily a bad thing based upon your recitation of her behaviors.

Withdrawing the use of YOUR var from her is something you could do by changing the locks, or simply taking her keys. If you do that, make sure you discuss taking her off your insurance policy with your insurance agent and lawyer.

However, as an unmarried father of two children, you're somewhat handicapped. However, you've been there for the entirety of your children's' lives. Your lawyer has explained that to you, so no need for me to continue.

Furthermore, if she left, I doubt that she would leave without the children. That's your HOBSON'S choice, my friend. I wish you well.

Perhaps you might want to discuss your dilemma with a marriage counselor, relationship therapist, psychologist, religious officiant, or social worker? A great deal of what's troubling you, sir, has nothing to do with the law.

 

[BW6810]

My goodness, BW, your emotional pain is evident throughout your post.

I suggest you discuss your actions with your attorney before proceeding.

Evicting the mother of your children isn't necessarily a bad thing based upon your recitation of her behaviors.

Withdrawing the use of YOUR var from her is something you could do by changing the locks, or simply taking her keys. If you do that, make sure you discuss taking her off your insurance policy with your insurance agent and lawyer.

However, as an unmarried father of two children, you're somewhat handicapped. However, you've been there for the entirety of your children's' lives. Your lawyer has explained that to you, so no need for me to continue.

Furthermore, if she left, I doubt that she would leave without the children. That's your HOBSON'S choice, my friend. I wish you well.

Perhaps you might want to discuss your dilemma with a marriage counselor, relationship therapist, psychologist, religious officiant, or social worker? A great deal of what's troubling you, sir, has nothing to do with the law.

 

[BW6810]

Thank you Army Judge, yes I have quite a bit of emotional baggage I am dealing with (I do have a counselor that I talk too), but I am trying to figure out from a "strategy" viewpoint if making her leave will hurt my case in the eyes of the courts. Yes, she might take them, but at this moment I don't know if she actually has the means to get an apartment (financially or credit worthy). My lawyer is telling me to let her stay, but I feel like she is going to move at some point in order to try to establish a place of her own (I'm assuming that the court will want to know her "plan"). We still have close to a month before the pre-trial and then who knows how long after that before the trial (could be 90 days plus if Guardian Ad Litem's get involved). Having her leave now will force her to deal with "real life" instead of sitting back in the comfort of my home on cruise control (Plus, it is very emotionally challenging for me to see her everyday knowing that she does not want anything to do with me). I understand what I am asking has no correct answer (too many variables), but ultimately, I don't want the courts to look at me in a bad light because I made her to leave with no car or means of getting an apartment. Do you think I will hurt my image by making her leave?

 

[army judge]

Thank you Army Judge, yes I have quite a bit of emotional baggage I am dealing with (I do have a counselor that I talk too), but I am trying to figure out from a "strategy" viewpoint if making her leave will hurt my case in the eyes of the courts. Yes, she might take them, but at this moment I don't know if she actually has the means to get an apartment (financially or credit worthy). My lawyer is telling me to let her stay, but I feel like she is going to move at some point in order to try to establish a place of her own (I'm assuming that the court will want to know her "plan"). We still have close to a month before the pre-trial and then who knows how long after that before the trial (could be 90 days plus if Guardian Ad Litem's get involved). Having her leave now will force her to deal with "real life" instead of sitting back in the comfort of my home on cruise control (Plus, it is very emotionally challenging for me to see her everyday knowing that she does not want anything to do with me). I understand what I am asking has no correct answer (too many variables), but ultimately, I don't want the courts to look at me in a bad light because I made her to leave with no car or means of getting an apartment. Do you think I will hurt my image by making her leave?

If I were the judge presiding over your case, evicting a deadbeat parent would not influence my ultimate decision.

In fact, you'd be under no duty to disclose the fact that you legally evicted a philandering deadbeat. I'm sure the other party might mention it, but it wouldn't be relevant.

Courts only are concerned if violence between the parties has been apparent in the past. Otherwise, if the parties choose to cohabitate during the split, that's their decision. If the parties decide that one should leave the family home, that's their call, too.

Pull the pin and evict her if that's your choice that best serves your parental instincts. I'd discuss with my lawyer emergency custody. As a father, I wouldn't want my kids living pillar to post with God knows who, and having no stability, emotionally and academically.

Evicting her is easy, but make sure your kids are protected. Good luck, mate.