Trying to move out of state

[irishmum]

I am a single mother of a 2 1/2 year old girl. The father and I were never married. We went to court when she was a few weeks old and, because of his history of drug use and abusive behavior towards me and others he was restricted to 4 hrs a week supervised visitation. After a year, my lawyer told me since there had been no incident I had better prepare to go to standard visitation. So instead of fighting in court, I slowly increased the visitation to ease my daughter into the situation. We had a hearing scheduled several weeks ago for the final orders, but he and his lawyer decided to settle out in the hallway (he had been making wild threats of fighting for 50/50 custody for months). For some reason, unknown to me, they agreed to lift one of the restrictions on my residency restriction. Normally if I wanted to leave the county with my daughter, I would have to prove that there is a substantial material change (not clear on the exact wording or meaning of that one), and that it is in the child's best interest. Well, they agreed and signed the orders to take off the first restriction. Now I only have to prove it is in my daughter's best interest.

A little history: a couple months before, I was trying to negotiate a change in residency restriction so that I could move to Austin for a job. This would be approximately 85 miles away from my current residence. The father fought it, regardless of the benefit to my daughter, and before we could go to court the employer got tired of waiting and hired someone else. I don't know if this is why they agreed to lift half of the restriction. The father now denies knowledge of agreeing to this, even though previously he said if I got a really good job offer he would agree to the move.

The issue now is that I have a really good job offer, only it is in Louisiana. It is a full time job, I would make over 7k more a year, plus full health benefits (I am uninsured). I would be able to insure my daughter if her father lost benefits. I would be able to set up a life insurance policy, and a college savings fund for my daughter. I would be able to afford a two bedroom apartment, where just the two of us could live. Right now we are renting a room from friends. The position is also at a large, respected university where I would be able to finish my degree for free. I currently am halfway through and cannot afford to pay tuition any longer. The position is at a scientific facility which would pay to have me trained and certified in many different areas, increasing my ability to advance and gain higher pay. I have secured a stable, safe place to live with an older couple in a safe neighborhood where I can pay month to month while I look at apartments in the area. I have a few family members in town (in LA) and a few friends as well. There are several more family members living an hour away. I would be moving away from my parents, her father, and his parents. I realize that is not the perfect situation, but I believe on the whole it will allow me to best provide for my daughter. I have applied all over our city to no avail, nobody has offered me anything close to a full time position, much less a position of this quality.

My question is, what the heck are my chances here? I would think with the economy and job situation the way it is, judges would be forced to be understanding of people that have to move for job related reasons. Like I said, I applied all over my city, as well as in Houston, and a few jobs in Louisiana. The ONLY PEOPLE I heard back from were 2 employers in LA. Right now I am working 2 part time jobs and barely making ends meet. But I have managed to stay off government assistance and want to continue to do so. What can I do to help prove my case to a judge? Has anyone out there had a similar experience?

 

[Duranie]

Your besrt bet is to try to work something out with dad. Since you are moving you will be expected to provide at least half if not all of transportation to visits. You certainly have the right to move but you do not have the right to take the child with you. If you cannot get dad to agree it is off to court you go and you face a possibly lengthy and costly legal battle. be preapred to be more than fair with dad.

 

[irishmum]

I have tried on every occasion to negotiate with the father rather than fight in court. I don't want my daughter to grow up with us going to court and fighting all the time. However, on every single occasion WITHOUT EXCEPTION I am the only one doing any negotiating. He expects me to give everything while he sits there and takes. What I do get from him is physical abuse (during the short-lived relationship, and the reason I left him) and now constant verbal abuse. I attempted to negotiate this situation with him as soon as I was offered the job. I understand that a father would not want a child that far away. However, I worked my tail off to get this position and beat several candidates with degrees and years of experience, and on top of how great the job offer is, I have been offered NOTHING in my home town. There are too few jobs and too many applicants.

When I told the father about the job he became very hostile and cursed me out on the phone, as though this were something wrong I was "doing to him". He told me that I was an unfit mother (after repeatedly telling me the opposite in front of other people, and after his own lawyer was singing my praises as a mother when we signed the final orders a few weeks ago), he told me that I was a failure, and would never go anywhere in my life or make anything of myself. He went on and on about how awful I supposedly am. There will, as always, be no negotiating with him. The worst part is that nothing he said even related to my daughter or her best interest. It was all about him, and insulting me.

I understand that I will be responsible for the transportation costs. I have offered to cover them, since with my pay and child support I will be making more than his pay minus child support. I have offered to negotiate more than the standard visitation when parents live more than 100 miles apart. All I got was him mocking me over the phone.

I am trying to get my lawyer to set a court date. It has already been a week. I have two weeks until the job is supposed to start. I am getting very nervous. Apparently, the father's lawyer is having some medical difficulty and is not answering my lawyer's calls. And my lawyer is not answering my calls about what I am supposed to do about this. He told me before that all he has to do is give her 3 days notice of a hearing. If she can't appear, then at least she has to call him and tell him, and they can figure something out. I am running out of time. I cannot afford to lose this job. It would bring such a positive change in my daughter's life. Does anyone know what my options are? Anyone had a similar experience in TX and have an idea of my chances? And what happens when one of the lawyers is sick or dies or something, but an urgent hearing is needed?

 

[pookie2]

I have heard that if you could provide evidence that living where you are is a financial hardhip and you cannot afford to stay, you could be able to fight it. But I advise you to speak with an attorney. They know the ins and outs i am not an attorney sorry and good luck..