She just can't do this, can she?

[Destiny19692006]

I live in Alabama.

I know I ask alot on here, and I appologize, but I can't afford a attorney right now. I wish I could, believe me.

I have my nieces child, I was awarded Legal Custodian. The mother owes child support and hasn't paid one penny. She always has excuses.

Anyways, none of that matters right now, what I am asking is, the mother has been late bringing her home everytime. Last time it was a hour. Tonight it was 2 1/2 hours. She called me at 6:10 and said they were going to leave, and that is only about 40 minutes from where I live.

I am tired of this, not to mention the childs bottom was really red, and she said it was all the poopies she had. I only sent 5 diapers and 10 wipes, so she would have to go buy her own supply, instead of expecting me to pay for everything. I really feel like she didn't change her that often, and even the child said she was soaked, as soon as I got her out of the vehicle, and the mom said, yes you was wet, but I changed you.
My child knows the difference between wet and soaked, because in the mornings, I tell her, you are soaked, lets change you, and in the day, I say you are wet, lets change you.
I had to bathe her, the child asked me to, to help her bottom feel better..it is that bad, and then I dried her and powdered it real good. It was so sad.

What I am trying to ask is, what can I do, I am out of money and I don't believe she is in the best care when she is with her mom, what can I possiably do now, without it costing to ask the Judge to either go back to supervised visits or take her parental rights away?

Please, someone help me, I can't take this anymore. Should I photograph her bottom for evidence, or is that considered child pornography...I don't wan't to sound stupid here, but I know how the mom lies about everything. She even wrote on the paperwork (I make her sign for the child in and out) that she told me she would bring the child home, because when she is with her, it is her resposibilty... She never said that once to me on the phone!

 

[irish223]

Was CPS involved in awarding custody to you?

 

[Duranie]

it sounds like you need to go back to court and try to get moms visits taken away. Have you tried calling around to see if anyone can help you?Is the child a ward of the state? Honestly if you know the mom is not going to buy diapers or wipes then why don't you supply them? Is proving mom is unfit worth all the trouble and pain the child is now in? if you are totally unable to financially keep the child can you give the child to another family member who can? If the child is in foster care, the family would receive assistance from the state. You do not need an attorney to go back to court, you can file on your own. I would also see if you qualify for any sort of state assistance.

 

[Destiny19692006]

it sounds like you need to go back to court and try to get moms visits taken away. Have you tried calling around to see if anyone can help you?Is the child a ward of the state? Honestly if you know the mom is not going to buy diapers or wipes then why don't you supply them? Is proving mom is unfit worth all the trouble and pain the child is now in? if you are totally unable to financially keep the child can you give the child to another family member who can? If the child is in foster care, the family would receive assistance from the state. You do not need an attorney to go back to court, you can file on your own. I would also see if you qualify for any sort of state assistance.

It's not that she can't afford the diapers, she spends her money on drugs and beer and yardsales. Yes, I know this for a fact. So, I don't feel I should supply her every time she goes. I do send 5 diapers, to get her over there and back with. Not to mention I pack her bags with clothes, and I send snacks. I even told her the child is potty training and if she carrys her to the bathroom, like she is supposed to, she will go.

No, it is not worth all the pain the child is now in, but the child has only gone over there three times in 7 months...so how hard is it for her to buy one pkg. of diapers?
I spend the majority of our money supporting this child. I have no problem buying for her when she needs, I make sure she is taken care of in our home. I feed her, buy clothes she needs, take her to the Dr. when she is sick, pay for prescriptions, so, the mom has no kids to take care of, she stays home when she can work, and she doesn't work.
I am not on welfare, nor do I get foodstamps. She does get foodstamps by using the kids that live with the grandparents. One of the grandparents told me she did, She will not pay child support like the Judge has ordered.
It is only $100.00 a month, not much, but it could be put up for the childs education.
I had to quit my job because I have two people in my home to care for, not just a toddler, but a adult as well. The child is not in foster care nor has she ever been. I have Legal custody of this child, and I have had her since she was two weeks old, with no support from the mother or father. He is in Jail.
I took this child in for a reason, she deserves a chance in life, unlike her oldest sister and brother, who are also not with their mom nor dad. They are seperated and live with grandparents, and the oldest girl (14) is doing the very same thing she has seen her mom do, such as drinking and drugs and sex. Yes, I know this for a fact also.

All I was asking is what can I do, since I cleaned our savings out and I can't go back to work right now to build it up to afford a attorney, and I don't think it is right to have this child go through this with a unfit mom. If I can go back to court, I thought I woud once again have to be represented by a attorney to go up against the mother in Juvenile court.

She brought the child home yesterday 2 1/2 hours late because supposedly they were sleeping. She gave the child cough medicine, when she was told by me, that the Dr. said not to give her anything except motrin if she runs a fever, that she had a virus and it has to run its course. Oh, I sent her with motrin, so yes, I even supplied that.
You made it out like I was the bad person because I didn't supply the diapers, and trying to prove the mother is unfit. Well, she is unfit. I don't need to prove that, the courts know.
How am I to know the mother didn't have any diapers, nor the money to buy any, especially when all she talks about is spending money at yard sells every weekend. I didn't give the whole story on here, of everything this mother has done, which isn't important, the child is what is important. I did call a attorney today, one that is through the DHR system, as I have never had to deal with so much bull in my entire life.
I have two well adjusted, on the A,B honor roll, teenagers of my own, like I said, this child deserves a better chance in life and not a 7th grade education, and dropout, which is exactally what will happen if the mother raises her.

 

[Destiny19692006]

Was CPS involved in awarding custody to you?

No, CPS was not involved. I had a attorney which I paid to help us, we were okay in our savings until the bill ran up because we went into a continuation, and by the end of it all, I spent everything we saved to our attorney.

 

[irish223]

IMO, you overreacted to Duranie's post. She wasn't criticizing you. She also pointed out that you can file a petition on your own without a lawyer.

You don't state the child's age, but if she's young enough you may be able to argue for supervised or phased-in visits since she may not remember her mother with such infrequent visits. If you ask for phased-in visitation, ask that the visitation time increases occur only after a specified number of visits, rather than after a specified amount of time.

I doubt that a photograph of the child's bottom would constitute pornography, but to be on the safe side, you could take her to the doctor instead. Ask him to document the diaper rash. Of course, that may not help in court, since diaper rash isn't necessarily due to neglect.

Good luck.

 

[Destiny19692006]

Okay, I may have over reacted, for which I appologize, but i hate when someone says to me to buy for someone else to take care of this child, when they are the ones who faught me in court, wanted responsibilty and yet not want to pay for what comes with that. Does that make sense? The child is 2 1/2 year old by the way.

If the mother can't afford to do for this child, like she was supposed to, then she shouldn't bother to be in her life. She can work, and earn money, yet she chooses not to. Instead she finds this boy, who is also a mythadone user, and she shacks up in his fema trailer with him, and does nothing. He is always out of work, or injures himself when he gets work, to draw on workmans comp. so he too can sit on his butt and not do anything. He is always complaigning about himself and making trips to the hospitals to get pills prescribed so they can sit there and get high and drunk or sell them for money.
I have known my niece all her life, and her ways, she does what she needs to, so she can get by, and if it means using her kids, to get people to give her money, making sob stories, she will do it and has. She came to me when the baby was first born asking us for money to buy diapers, and guess what, I gave it to her, so the baby would have diapers. I was told two days later by her x-husband that he also gave her money that same night, and said when she asked him for it, she had been drinking. How do you think that makes me feel?
I trusted her, gave her whatever I could and she does crap like that. She never spent the money I had given her on the child, it went for her habits.

Anyways, Thank you for the help, and I will check into the advice Duraine and you have given to me.

 

[Duranie]

You have to do the right thing and stepup to the plate here. don't count on mom's child support. Also I do not know how you expect to make a living with no job but you need to go back to work. You cannot possibly expect to stopworking to take care of everyone in your household. Do you have any income atall? Are these people elderly?

You know that mom is a loser. 100.00 a month should not make the difference if this child gets diapers.

i would take a picture of the childs severe diaper rash. That is not pornography.

You can file to restrict visits by yourself but you cannot stop visits just because of the lack of child support. Take mom back to court because she is neglectful.

I'm curious since is so unfit, why weren't her rights termimated? I supppse you ca petition that if you can get an attorney to help you.

 

[Destiny19692006]

You have to do the right thing and stepup to the plate here. don't count on mom's child support. Also I do not know how you expect to make a living with no job but you need to go back to work. You cannot possibly expect to stopworking to take care of everyone in your household. Do you have any income atall? Are these people elderly?

You know that mom is a loser. 100.00 a month should not make the difference if this child gets diapers.

i would take a picture of the childs severe diaper rash. That is not pornography.

You can file to restrict visits by yourself but you cannot stop visits just because of the lack of child support. Take mom back to court because she is neglectful.

I'm curious since is so unfit, why weren't her rights termimated? I supppse you ca petition that if you can get an attorney to help you.

I am planning on going back to work. I have checked into daycares for the child, and I have someone coming out to sit with my mom. My husband supports us, though with the way the economy went, things have gotton tight, so I watch what we spend and how we spend.

In this state, I don't know why her rights were not terminated, I truly believe the Judge was going by the law, and doing so, he told her he was giving her one more chance, and should she not do right, he would terminate her rights. He has to hear back from us, in order for him to know, though I didn't know how to go about doing that when I have no Lawyer, since I have no money to retain her again. I know I can not contact the Judge directly. This is why I have all the questions, as I have never had to do this before.

She came to court, and her and her boyfriend, and his mom lied about her visits out here. That was her witnesses. In 4 months that we were in continuation, it was supervised visits, she showed up twice. Give 3 hours each visit. That was 6 hours in four months.
They all went in and said she came out here 6 to 7 visits. I even had witnesses and phone records to prove otherwise. I don't know why he didn't terminate her rights then, instead, he gave us custody and her visits, and even questioned her mythadone use, and her being around someone who was involved in drugs and now is being searched for because she hasn't been seen since that day her car was found on the side of the road burned up.
I don't want to terminate her rights because of a diaper rash, That is only part of the problem, I can heal that, Lots of baking soda bathes and argo starch and cream. I told you there was alot more to all of this than what I was saying. I didn't want to get so detailed about it all, but here it is.

I want to terminate her rights because she doesn't take care of the child the way I believe she should when she is in her care. I wanted to call the cops out when she was late bringing the child home, but was told no, just to leave it alone, That we will be able to prove it all in court when we can go back, and I wish I would have called the cops.
She had alchol on her breath, and so did her boyfriend. No one listened to me, and I would have hated myself had anything had happened knowing they had her in the car and had been drinking. This is why they were asleep at 6:00 in the evening. She showed up here in Pajama pants 2 1/2 hours later. Who else would be asleep at that time. Not me, I am cooking supper at 6:00

My problem is, I have listened to everyone here at my home and I didn't listen to my gut that day. As I have stated, I know her better than anyone, and I really am sick of going through this and worrying as to if the child is safe when she is with her, because I know better, I know how she is.
I can't even figure out how she is passing her drug test when she has to go to her probation officer. I know she is still using. I also know she had shared needles with her own mom who recently died of aids.

Like the Judge had asked her boyfriend, what her choice of drug was, he stated Loratab, and the Judge asked him why she was on mythadone then, he stated for her loratab use and drinking, and the Judge then pointed out to him, that mythadone was used to treat someone who is using Opiam (spelling for that I do not know) sorry. But you see why I am asking on what I need to do? I don't remember the choice of drug the boyfriend stated for himself, but he also is on mythadone, and told the Judge he was when questioned.

This is also why I have her sign out for the child when she picks her up, and sign in when she drops her off, because of all the lies given in court by them. Not to mention, my attorney advised me to do this also, because it was her word against mine, and she lied all the way through it.

All I want is to be able to bring this child up in a Loving home, be able to have a chance in Life and make sure she is not confused and placed around people who drink and do drugs.
Everyone tells me, I am this great mom, I have wonderful children, and I am doing the right thing, well I don't feel wonderful when I know the child is not safe and is around users, and there is nothing I can do to protect her when she is with her mom. I wouldn't even allow my own children around my oldest sister because of her drug use, they never knew I even had a older sister. Why, beacause I wanted to protect them.
I don't understand why the courts allow these things to happen, when given the history of the parents, she hasn't tried to change and she won't change as long as she is not held responsiable for anyone.
Her x-husband killed himself, The reason, was because of the mother and when she called me, I asked her as she was standing there, where the kids were, and you know what she said, I don't know. That is the first thing I would have thought about had it been me, ( well I did think about them, because I asked her where they were) and knowing it was the kids that found him, instead, she stood there and had no idea where the kids were and who had them.
I can sit here and write you a book on her, and why she is unfit, but I guess I have said enough, I Love this child, and there isn't a thing in this world that would change that, I just don't believe she should have to go through what the other kids have gone through.
Can you imagine what they have gone through, how many times they have seen their mom passed out in her car after a night out, or how many times they witnessed the cops being out because of the fights between her and the x when they were drinking. The list goes on and on, and this is why all the grandpartents have the other kids and not her.