Prayer in the workplace

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Jewelz

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The owner of our small marketing firm is a Christian. We were called for a meeting this morning for a "new policy" in the workplace. Every day from 2:15 to 2:30, we were to shut down computers, turn off the phones for what was titled "solemn time". In the meeting, he stated that solemn time is time to pray or meditate. As he put it, he's not "pushing religion" but he wants to work in a more "Christian environment". This is not the first come to Jesus meeting we've had. This behavior has occurred on a couple different occasions. He was actually nice about it this time, rather than belittling our lack of faith.

If I would prefer to NOT participate in solemn time, do I risk losing my job?
 
another issue altogether

I really would prefer not to get into the WHOLE picture, but there is some sexual harrassmsnt as well. I am the only female NOT in a clerical position at our firm. There is shared porn on the computers, sexual requests from the vp of the firm, physically getting my butt smacked in the middle of the office. I hate to bring this up because I feel I may be part of the problem. The VP is the husband of a close high school friend. I know my friend would be appalled by her husbands behavior so I have "put up" with the behavior. I laughed along with the guys and played along, in a way, as not to make waves. It was mild at first but now its downright disgusting.

Last February, we got hit with 8 inches of snow and I live 40 minutes from the office. I called in to say I was not going to be coming in. Mind you, I had 5 days of vacation & tons of sick time. The VP called me at home & ordered me to get in my vehicle & get to work. It took an hour and 20 minutes, but I got there. Just in time for the Owner to shut the office down early & send us all home.

This past New Years Eve, we were to work half day. Two of the 4 male sales co workers no showed for work and they didn't even call in to notify management. In fact, that night, one of them called me to verify whether or not he still had a job!!!! He told me he wasn't going to call anyone, he just overslept and he'd "face the music on Monday". Well, Monday came and went (today) and he told me no one even asked where he was. I heard the VP tell the other that his No show was just fine, no problem...

I am not the only one that sees the obvious difference in treatment....

All this in a Christian environment.
 
While I am not prepared to say that you definitely have any kind of case of either religious or gender discrimination, if you are getting smacked on the butt you DEFINITELY have grounds to make a sexual harassment complaint.

There has been recent case law which makes it necessary for you to go through any internal company procedures there may be, before you file any complaints with the EEOC and/or your state discrimination board. Do you have an HR department you can talk to?

You CAN go directly to the EEOC, but if there's any way you can make an internal complaint without endangering your position, you should do that first.
 
smack on the butt

You know, I feel really trapped about the sexual activity and misbehaviors because the VP is married to a very close friend. She would be devastated. I went so far as to tell the VP I was going to tell his wife. He said, "Well, its your word against mine. I'll lie and she will believe me." I haven't stood up for myself well enough on this matter. In the beginning I "played along" as to avoid conflict. I know, big mistake. I was afraid to stand up and say stop. I told him after the smack on the butt it was totally out of line but even then, it was met with the snickers of my co workers. It wasn't a pat on the butt, it was a smack loud enough that half the staff stood up from their cubicles to figure out what the noise was all about. The VP said, "I bet that leaves a mark."

The bad thing is that my relationship with the VP reaches beyond the workplace. I've known he and his wife since we were all 13 years old. It's origin is from outside the office. It's hard to move backward towards a more professional relationship rather than social.

Its a very small firm. 25 employees. There is no HR department.
 
You do have a problem, don't you? I don't mean that sarcastically - I wouldn't want to be in your shoes.

Unfortunately, you have four options:

1.) Let things continue as they are
2.) Talk frankly to your friend and risk the friendship
3.) Contact the EEOC and/or your state discrimination board
4.) Find another job and quit

Of the options, the one that offers you the least amount of risk is #4. But if that's not an option for you and if #1 is too much for you to take (and I wouldn't blame you) you're probably safest with #3. Although small, your employer does have enough employees to be subject to discrimination laws.

This is not without risks. The EEOC will not tell your employer who complained, but it is often possible for an employer to figure it out from the report. Although it is illegal to fire you for reporting illegal activity to the appropriate outside agency, an employer who wants to can always find a non-discriminatory reason to fire someone. (On the other hand, if you suspect that your complaint to the EEOC and a subsequent termination are connected, you can always add a wrongful termination claim to your complaint.) The problem is what you will do to your friendship.

Only you can make the decision. I can't tell you what to do. But I am not only an HR professional of 25 years experience, I've been in a similar (not identical, but similar) situation as an employee (that's something a lot of people forget - HR people are also employees :) ) and if you want to bounce things off me, I'm happy to listen and advise.
 
Thank you for your knowledgable perspective.

I've made a bit of a decision on my own within the last 2 hours. I will put my foot down and see what happens. This is the best paying job I've even had so I am not ready to be fired or to leave. BUT, I will demand some respect. 30 minutes ago the VP undressed me with his eyes and I called him on it. I asked, "Why are you looking at me that way?" His response, "I get so horny in the winter." I stepped away and said, "You need to stop." He laughed and approached me again. I just turned around and walked away. Half the office heard the conversation and one gal even chastized him for his comments.

Sometimes, when the other guys hear him talking that way to me, they think they can join right in, too. It's got to stop and it has to start with me.

I will give him a chance to shape up. I will be more forceful about my distaste for the behavior and give him the opportunity to stop. Lets see what that gets me.....
 
Wow. Scheduling a daily prayer meeting while ignoring all the rest that's going on in this workplace is like putting a bandaid on a severed artery. Yikes. :eek:

Jewelz, if this jerk comes at you again, you need to tell him straight on that his behavior is UNWELCOME and that it needs to stop immediately. Don't discuss it with him, don't debate it. If he laughs, say it again. If the problem continues, go see the owner and tell him you're being sexually harassed. This VP is counting on the personal relationship with his wife preventing you from reporting him. Too bad your friend married such a total jerk and I don't mean to be callous but that's not your problem. There simply are no circumstances in which you should have to tolerate this demeaning and offensive behavior.

P.S. It's extremely uncommon that I disagree with cbg but I strongly urge you not to speak to his wife about the situation before taking action. That's a lose-lose proposition for you as either way, you're going to get blamed for the situation either by the wife (who may chose to believe her husband when he denies everything) or the husband when he says you're crazy and are making it all up. There is absolutely no way for you to win this one with them.

Good luck.
 
Actually, Beth, I said she had several options and that was one of them, which it is.

It is NOT the option I recommended.
 
It has always been my belief that management will always win so I don't have any crazy ideas that in this situation, or any situation that pits employee against employer would work out to the employees advantage. That's why I would prefer to avoid all conflict all together. That's why the sexual harrassment is secondary to me compared to the prayer at the office. I just don't see any way to have the situation work out to my advantage.

So, I will proceed by making it very clear his sexual advances are completely unwanted. I will not talk to my friend about it. It will be between me and the VP. Honestly, I think if I told the owner of the company, he would stand by his VP instead of any claims I might make. Although I am #2 amongst my peers in the office, I am replaceable. I'm a mere cog in the system compared to the VP. His VP is his right hand man and the VP IS VERY good at what he does professionally.

Why does the prayer at the office bother me so? I think because it can be so uncomfortable for my friends at the office. Specifically, one gal who is JEWISH! When she told the owner she was a bit offended, the owners response was, "Well, I will pray for you..." as if she is a sinner or less an employee. There are so many things said & done in this office that would throw you into shock! I have never been in such an unprofessional business environment in my life. Had I had ANY clues prior to taking the postion, even if I knew I'd be making significantly more money, I don't think I'da taken the job. I trusted my friends husband....
 
Actually, Beth, I said she had several options and that was one of them, which it is. Yes, I understood that. I just think that one has "backfire" written all over it should she elect to do that. :)

It has always been my belief that management will always win so I don't have any crazy ideas that in this situation, or any situation that pits employee against employer would work out to the employees advantage. That's why I would prefer to avoid all conflict all together. That's why the sexual harrassment is secondary to me compared to the prayer at the office. I just don't see any way to have the situation work out to my advantage. I can't imagine why you consider this on-going sexual harassment secondary to the prayer issue/meditation time but that's your call to make. The 15 minute solumn time is not unlawful - the sexual harassment most definitely is. Most of us would prefer to avoid conflict; that's never fun. But understand that this VP is counting on your being too much of a whimp (no offense intended) to stand up to him and report his behavior.

So, I will proceed by making it very clear his sexual advances are completely unwanted. I will not talk to my friend about it. It will be between me and the VP. Honestly, I think if I told the owner of the company, he would stand by his VP instead of any claims I might make. Although I am #2 amongst my peers in the office, I am replaceable. I'm a mere cog in the system compared to the VP. His VP is his right hand man and the VP IS VERY good at what he does professionally. He may walk on water professionally. That doesn't make his behavior towards you acceptible. You need to document the times, dates, incdents, and witnesses and keep a record of those. If you share those with the CEO, it will make your complaint highy credible. If you report his behavior, the only obligation the CEO has is to make it STOP. He doesn't have to fire the guy nor does it sound that that's likely to happen. You have a legal right to work in a workplace that is free of prohibited discrimination and harassment.

Why does the prayer at the office bother me so? I think because it can be so uncomfortable for my friends at the office. Specifically, one gal who is JEWISH! When she told the owner she was a bit offended, the owners response was, "Well, I will pray for you..." as if she is a sinner or less an employee. There are so many things said & done in this office that would throw you into shock! I have never been in such an unprofessional business environment in my life. Had I had ANY clues prior to taking the postion, even if I knew I'd be making significantly more money, I don't think I'da taken the job. I trusted my friends husband.... I wouldn't enjoy prayer or meditation time scheduled at work forced upon me either. But it appears the owner is not discriminating based on anyone's religion nor is he forcing anyone to actually pray during this time. I'd probably use the time to daydream, plan that evening's dinner menu, make mental plans for the weekend, etc.

You have a much bigger problem with the sexual harassment situation than you do with the daily solemn time but what you wish to do about it is up to you.
 
I think that the sexual harrassment issue is secondary because I almost feel like its partly my own fault and that could get me fired. In the beginning, since the VP was very familiar with my life, we would talk about who I happened to be dating, which would lead to more detailed info about my love life which THEN would lead to more graphic discussions which then finally lead to him calling my office to ask whether or not I was wearing panties. Although I now express to him my utter disgust. It was a gradual procession that started out innocently enough out of friendship. How would I be taken seriously in a courtroom? How could I possibly argue SH if I willingly talked to him at first?

So, yes, it may be safe to say I am being a wimp, for now. But as previously mentioned, I will be even more stern when I ask him to stop and then document.

Solemn Time? It's a great time to nap, I've found!
 
How could I possibly argue SH if I willingly talked to him at first? (a) Because he's the one who took the conversation beyond discussing who you were dating and your love life into asking graphic and inappropriate questions, and (b) you have told him to STOP.

I understand completely what you're saying but it's somewhat analagous to kissing a guy and then assuming you can't object if he subsequently raped you. What you need to do at this point is make it absolutely clear to the VP that you aren't interested in having any more personal conversations with him and that his comments are completely inappropriate and they must stop immediately. You need to recongize that he took full advantage of your naivete in discussing these topics with him as an entre to take the conversation and his behavior to place that is totally inappropriate - both for a subordinate and for a friend of his wife's. The guy's a jerk and probably a predator.

Good luck.
 
I am a single mom to 3 boys with a grand total of $300 per month as child support from yet another jerk in my life. I fear risking my job which has allowed me to reestablish myself and my kids after a disaterous divorce 2 years ago. I guess I am resigned to "getting the shaft" so to say. I fear rocking the boat. Financially, things have NEVER been better for us. Is it worth the risk? Do I put my job on the line or do I deal with harrassment as I have? I think I will take the "chicken" route for a while. See what happens. You see, its not just me I have to worry about. I've got 3 mouths to feed at home. I'm not ready to take that risk, for thier sake.
 
I understand and this is a decision only you can make. You need to do what is right for you and your family.

One other option to consider is to start looking for a new position elsewhere. Given everything that's going on in your workplace, it makes me seriously wonder how well this company is being run, and not just from a "people management" perspective. You might not only find a much healthier work environment elsewhere but also more job security.

Good luck to you.
 
Even in the best situation, i think its wise to keep your options open. I do consider other job opportunities when available just to have a plan B. With kids, you gotta have a plan B!!!!

Back to the prayer issue: If I am confronted by the owner and if the owner of the company asks me why I am not participating in Solemn Assembly, can I tell him I am simply not interested and not risk losing my job?

Thanks!
 
Yes, you can tell him you're not interested. If he fires you, then you almost certainly have the basis of a claim for prohibited discrimination (religous.)
 
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